“What is it?” He asks as he tucks himself away.
“Look, it’s my fault, I had some shit happen and the thing I was supposed to do… I forgot.”
“Ivy,” he shakes his head, “you’re not making any sense. Are you still sick?”
He bends to pick up my jacket and hands it to me.
“I was sick but it wasn’t a bug.” I shut my eyes and prepare for Armageddon. “I’m pregnant.”
Band-Aid.
He stands there, unmoving, and completely silent. It’s better than my reaction and the screaming I did on my knees.
“It’s mine?” His first words and a question I’d ask first, too.
“I don’t know.”
His face falls and he looks at his feet.
“I know we weren’t exclusive but you were fucking other people?”
“Yeah.” I nod. I can’t tell him what happened.
“Wow.” He breathes and then his face morphs into one of anger. “And to think I was falling for you. Why the fuck did I let myself do that? Especially knowing what type of person you are.”
His words hurt but I knew it was coming, the anger.
“Who is it?” He demands.
“That’s not what’s important.” I shake my head.
“Yes, it is!” He screams and the noise startles me. “I just fucked you like you were mine! Only mine!”
“I don’t belong to anyone.” I want to belong to him.
I’m shocked to see his eyes build with tears and he sucks his bottom lip in between his teeth to stop the tremors, he’s going to decimate me.
“You belong to me, Ivy Greene.” Finally, a tear escapes and rolls down his cheek. “You just need to face it.”
“I think the sooner you face reality, the better.” I need to make this quick. I can still feel him between my legs, his scent lingers on my clothes, and I feel like I will break if he continues.
“What are you going to do?” His chest rises and falls rapidly as he tries to stop his flow of tears.
“I’m not keeping it.” I keep my cool exterior even though I’m dying on the inside.
“Of course, you’re killing it.” He laughs to the sky, “you’re a murderer after all.”
I knew that was coming as well. I thought I was prepared to hear those words and I thought I could let it go, knowing why he’s saying them. But my heart breaks anyway.
“I should go.” I turn and head back for my car. No point in staying here any longer, what we had is done, and he’ll go right back to hating me for the murderer I am.
“Ivy.” He calls out to me, I turn and look at him, his golden eyes simmering with anger. “You’re dead to me now.”
You’re dead to me now. I understand why I would be and I would feel the same way, but it still fucking hurts. Those words keep echoing in my head and I hope it does for the rest of my life to remind me of what I’ve done.
Here in Whitsborough, you need an adult to sign a waiver for any medical procedure, and since I won’t be eighteen for another few months, I need a fucking adult. I guess that leaves me with two options. One: I tell my parents, or two: I go straight to the piece of shit that raped me.
Two looks better at this point.
“Hey Molly.” I’m waiting at her locker the following week.
“Oh, hi Ivy.” She looks around. “I’m not supposed to talk to you.” She whispers like the fucking loser she is.
“Yeah, that’s really unfortunate and I would like to keep it that way. Thing is… your daddy caused a big problem and now he has to fix it.”
“My dad?” Her mouth looks like a mechanical contraption you’d find in those old ass clocks.
“Yeah.” I widen my eyes and nod my head like I’m talking to a toddler. “I need you to tell him to get in contact with me.”
“Why?”
“He’s been a naughty boy.” I make her take down my number and to pass it along to her father. “Tell him time is of the importance.”
I turn my back on her weird face and stride to my locker. Carmelo and Cam are there, horsing around as usual, and it’s pissing me off. To be that carefree, not worrying about harassing men, and never being raped by cops, must be fucking nice.
“Move.” I snap at them and they break apart.
“Are you on your rag?” Carmelo asks.
Gotta love it.
“Maybe she’s hangry.” Cam chirps and I turn on them both.
“Can you both just fuck off? I don’t have the luxury to fuck around all the time.”
“Okay then.” Carmelo kisses my cheek. “Love you, see you later.” He heads towards the front entrance.
Cam though stays behind, staring at me, “what?” I ask him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” I exhale, “no.”
“Tell me what you need.”
“To go back in time and change my whole life.” I moan and fall against my locker.
“Why would you do that?” He asks, “you’re the strongest person I know and it’s all because of the shit you’ve had to endure.”
This is why I love my cousins, they can be boneheads, but when I need them, I don’t have far to look. I nod and try to smile, but he sees through it. He hauls me in and smothers me in a tight hug, kissing the top of my head.
“Hang in there, Ivy. God does things for a reason, don’t try to change his course, and just roll with it. You’re only given as much as you can handle.”
Don’t change my course, just roll with it, and as much as I can handle. Sounds like something straight out of a self-help book and maybe just like he’s saying, it came just when I needed it.
“Thanks, Cam.” I mumble into his chest.
“Okay, gotta get back to fucking around.” He tosses me a grin. “Call me if you need more Cam proverbs.”
He disappears out of sight and I mull over his words, do I run
