I miss him.
It’s been a few days and Neil hasn’t strayed far from my mind. If I keep this child and it’s his, what happens then? Will he change his mind? Will he want me again? The only thing these questions are proving is that I’m in love with Neil Jones and I’ve fucked everything up.
My phone pings and I dive across the bed, anxiously hoping it’s him.
Dean: I made a compilation video, one I think shows my cinematic talent and one that will destroy your family. Your mother’s email is the same, correct?
Me: Don’t do that.
Dean: Take a peak and let me know what you think.
I click on the link provided and nearly pass out when I see he’s made a webpage. There are photos of me in all different stages of undress and video links for people’s ‘viewing pleasure.’ It feels like each of my organs are shutting down in quick succession and I may very well be dying.
None of the photos show my face but my family will know it’s me with one look. My hair, my skin tone, and my body shape, it’s not hard to decipher.
Dean: It’s not yet viewable, but that’s just a click away.
Me: What the fuck do you want?
Dean: What did we talk about regarding a young lady’s language?
Me: What do you want from me?
Dean: Not sure there’s anything you can do, really.
Me: I am holding up my end of the bargain and keeping my mouth shut!
He doesn’t answer me and I go back to the link. I click on each of the videos and finally come across one that I wish I didn’t. He has me tied up with his tie and he’s beating me with a large wooden ruler. This was the time he caught me with the edge and it broke my skin. My ass cheek still has the scar.
My phone pings again and I quickly pull open the messages, seeing a number I don’t recognize.
Unknown: What the fuck are you telling my daughter?
Adam Van Dyke.
I’m so fucking fed up with predators and the hold they have over me. Why am I letting this happen? I can take back my power. If I go to the police, I have the means and my family has the clout to destroy Adam’s career. Same goes for Dean, he would lose his prestigious position and his fucking reputation.
Me: You should’ve worn a condom you dumb fuck.
I wait for twenty minutes and then forty-five, no answer. Maybe now someone else can fret just as much as I have been since my ass got home. Fuck that, I’ve been fretting since I was shipped off to New York. I fall back on the bed with a sigh, it feels good to have someone else do it for a change.
That’s right Adam Van Dyke, you may have fathered your daughter a baby sister or brother. Now what?
“Ivy!” Dad calls out at the bottom of the stairs, “come eat!”
My stomach growls and I laugh, already this little thing is a fucking monster. If I’m not puking my guts up, I’m stuffing my face, and to me that sounds like a Neil/Ivy combo. I really hope it is.
I get to the kitchen and smell pasta, groaning as my mouth fills with saliva.
“I wish someone would react to me like Ivy does pasta.”
“Nana!” I exclaim and run to Nana Sharla for a hug. “You’re home.”
“Only for a day, I fly back out to Tuscany tomorrow.” She pats my back.
“Why can’t you stay longer?” Mom shoots me a look and Dad’s eyes widen behind her. It takes a lot of effort not to laugh at their reactions.
“I can’t leave the restaurant for that long.” She chuckles, “I just came to check on my grand babies and make sure they’re healthy.”
Nana Sharla is still the same as she was in all the photos I’ve seen of her when my dad was growing up. Short, bright red hair, and big hazel eyes. Her skin is still smooth even if there are deep laugh lines in some spots. She’s beautiful and even though she’s a handful, we all still love her craziness.
She owns and operates a small Italian restaurant in Tuscany and is living her dream life. Dad says he thinks she has a man too but it’s hard to determine that because Nana is weary of men. Again, something that happened with our grandfather.
“Saxon!” She exclaims when my brother comes into the room, “you’re going to be taller than your father! You’ve shot up a few inches since I saw you at Christmas.”
I give Saxon a once over and Nana is right, he really is starting to mature, and grow up. He’s been looking after me more lately, too.
“Hey Nana.” He sits at the table.
“Okay Nana!” Dahlia runs into the kitchen with a few Barbies. “These are my favourites now, let's braid their hair.”
“Okay Angel.” Nana says to her and everyone sits at the table.
I look around at all of us and I realize I really do have a great family, they would still love me despite my mistakes. I admitted to killing my best friend and they’re still here. Maybe one day, I can convince Neil that I am worth loving despite my mistakes, too.
Her street is now ingrained in my mind, I’ve driven it obsessively, and I bet if blindfolded, I would navigate it perfectly.
She’s pregnant.
There’s a life growing within her and it may be mine. A child with golden skin and dark hair, maybe those ocean eyes. It makes me ill to think about her killing it and me never knowing the truth.
Another mystery lost to death.
I want her to keep it and I want her to be able to tell me who else the father may be. I can’t decide for her, it’s her body, and I would have to support her regardless, but I want to give it a chance.
It’s been three days since she told me and I’ve
