I reach up and grab the lever, tugging the door open, and letting it fly wide like mine did. Using the door as leverage, I haul myself up to standing, and lean against it as I reach inside for Charlotte.
She’s so fucking heavy, her body unmoving as I pull her out, and lay her on the mud.
“Charlotte,” I sink to my knees beside her, “can you hear me?”
“Ivy…” her voice is weak and she sounds like she’s far away. “I’m sorry…”
“No!” I scream and gasp when I hear sirens in the distance. Someone must’ve heard the crash, “help is coming, Charlotte… please.”
“Ivy…” the rattling in her chest sounds worse, “I love…” her body relaxes into my hold and I scream as the rattling noise disappears.
“Charlotte! No!” I shake her and her head lolls at the movement. “Take me instead!” I scream at whoever is taking her away. “Take me!”
The sirens are just above now and the lights are illuminating the area around us in red and blue, but I can’t take my eyes off my best friend’s face. She looks at peace and I hate it, I want that peace. I want to go with her. I want to take her fucking place.
I hear a few shouts and hear the crunch of sticks and leaves as people come for us. But it’s fucking useless.
Because they are too fucking late.
There are voices that don’t belong in my memory. My mom and my dad, they weren’t with me and Charlotte that night. How can I hear them? If they were there, they would know my lie about driving, and Charlotte would be blamed. But that’s not how it went.
I was questioned thoroughly at the hospital, about the drag marks around the car, about the severity of Charlotte's injuries and how she couldn’t have been the one to do it. The front driver’s side of the car took the brunt of the damage, causing Charlotte’s head to hit the steering wheel before the bag deployed, and then the bag breaking her ribs, puncturing her lung.
But I maintained that that couldn’t have happened because I was in the driver’s seat and she was my passenger. I had been drinking and decided to take us on a joyride. After days of rigorous questions, there wasn’t much more they could do without my story changing, and instead suggest my penalty would be a reform school of sorts.
Rodney agreed to the terms and refused to press charges, and my family shipped me off to Johnstone Academy to start my sentence. I’ve never told a soul about what really happened and I always maintained it was me. But I was going to tell Neil, I wanted him to know me, and that meant every single secret that was festering inside of me. I wanted to lay myself bare and wait for his judgement.
As the memory fades, Charlotte’s face appears in front of mine, and she looks beautiful. Her face is radiant and she has a bright glow around her, her smile wide. I miss her smile and seeing it now makes me want to beg her to take me with her, again.
“Ivy.” She sounds like she’s singing and speaking at the same time, a slight echo in her words. “Ivy, I love you.”
“I’m sorry.” I manage to force the words out, “Charlotte, I’m so sorry.”
“No,” she shakes her head and her ponytail of tight curls sways behind her. “Don’t be, Ivy. You were a great friend to me and I was not in the right state of mind. I’m sorry for what I did to us.”
“Take me with you,” I beg her. “It’s too hard to be here.”
“I can’t,” her smile grows wide again. “My brother will help you. Let him help you, Ivy.”
“I want to be with you.”
“Tell my brother the truth, okay? Tell him it was me, I was driving, and tell him I’m sorry. I think you two were always meant to be.”
Her voice begins to fade and her face is becoming foggy, “no, wait!” I exclaim.
“Don’t worry,” she giggles, “I’ll take care of this little one. She’s safe with me until we see you again.”
The first time I regained consciousness was to see Mom’s face hovering over mine, her eyes filled with worry. Then she began to laugh and smothered her face into my neck. Dad and Saxon were clapping in the background and my Little Flower climbed up on the bed.
“Ivy!” She squealed and even though the sound literally pierced through my skull, I was so happy to hear it. “You have been sleeping for so long!”
“Really?” My voice sounds groggy and hoarse.
“And you sound a little scary.” She whispers and everyone laughs.
“You’ve been out for a week.” Dad says as he steps up into view. “Had us worried about you.”
Every one of my family’s faces gathers around me and I look into each of their eyes. I see so much love and it makes me feel stupid for how badly I’ve treated them over the years.
“The doctors let us all in here because you were waking up but it really should only be two at a time.” Mom says. “Did you want to see everyone or do you want to rest?”
“I want to see Neil.” I clear my throat and wince at the pain.
“Okay,” Dad smiles. “You have a few broken ribs, so taking deep breaths will be painful, and you took a heavy hit to the noggin. Other than that, you are fine.”
Fine?
My hands move and cover my stomach, am I still fine?
“Can you guys give us a minute?” Mom asks and everyone begins to leave the room. “Ivy,” her voice cracks, “why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s gone, isn’t it?” I wasn’t far along
