Life Is Not a Fairy Tale

had to be more than all those other people. I had been singing since I was five. I had been singin’ when everybody else was still playing with blocks. I thought that my situation might keep me from winning, but the Lord knew that I wanted to win. I had asked Him for this opportunity and told Him if I got it, I would change my life. I knew that God wanted me to change my life, so I kept praying that he would possibly open the door one more step for me to win. Sometimes it felt like everyone was against me. Although I still knew in the back of my mind that the media and the industry were already trying to take me out of the race, I wouldn’t let ’em take me out that easily. I called and prayed with my mother and grandmother every day. My grandmother was a “prayer warrior,” and she had created a “prayer band” at the church. People from everywhere were prayin’ for me to win this thing. During the taping days, celebrities would come and meet us. Denzel Washington’s wife, Pauletta, who is Christian, came backstage one day and laid hands on me. She said to me, “I love you. I’m praying for you.” People everywhere were saying that they were praying for me.

Slowly the bad press started turning into good press and people began to admire me for standing up for myself and my baby and for wanting to create a better life for us. Some people even became supportive and began to write things like “You can’t deny her gift.” Or “That girl is from the church, so you know she can’t be all bad!” Some people started saying that they had a similar experience: “I too had a baby when I was young. Fantasia is doin’ her thang and I think it is great!” Some people even wrote things like “I’m a baby mama and Fantasia is my hero!”

God can do so many things you never knew He could do. God and the prayers from all around the world took the pressure off the situation. I felt at peace, no matter what was going to happen.

I dedicated one of my last songs to Zion. It was Barbra Streisand’s “What Are You Doing The Rest of Your Life?” It went over as well as “Summertime” had the previous week. People were crying. That song did it for the people. I went out on stage with no shoes on. I wanted to go out and sing that song like it had never been sung before. Ryan Seacrest, the show’s host, asked me after the song, “Why are you crying?” I said, with tears in my eyes, “I felt my song.” The people were amazed at how raw my emotions were, and how real.

By standing on that stage, I was representing all those women who were single mothers and awesome women. The tide had turned. People were lovin’ ’Tasia again.

Even famous people had been givin’ me love. It just couldn’t get any better than R&B diva Toni Braxton, who actually sent me a Tiffany candle; Denzel and Pauletta Washington, who sent a basket full of body products to me and a gift for Zion; and Kelly Rowland from Destiny’s Child who called backstage to speak to me and wish me luck. Like I said, all I ever wanted from this competition was for one person to hear me sing. My prayers had been answered.

In the final group of twelve, we were all going through our own personal transformations from being regular people to having people recognize us everywhere we went and wanting our autographs. Suddenly my days looked different. We were in Hollywood constantly until the end of the show. The days were grueling at that point. There were fewer people, but the heat was on and the spirit of competition was in the air. We felt the pressure. I had to be somewhere every minute and everyone knew who I was. I was worried about my appearance all the time. I wasn’t used to havin’ to look cute all the time. I was getting tired and anxious for it to be over. I didn’t have any idea that it was just beginning. My producer was always yellin’, “Keep it movin’, we have places to be!” Every day I would look at myself in the mirror and pinch myself, not believing that I had made it this far and realizing that whatever happened I would never be the same again. I had learned so much and really felt that I had a chance at life. I made it to all of my rehearsals and I was proud of myself for that. I had stood out and made it to the real part of the competition, the part where all of America would be tuning in every week to cheer us on and talk about how we sang. I had made an impression on famous people. It couldn’t get any better than this. My life had reached a turning point. I had a real chance to make something of my life. Already my head was spinning about how I would be able to use this experience to finish my GED and how I could sing and make more at the churches and all the different directions that I could actually take just because I had been a part ofAmerican Idol. And I realized that I could make a good livin’ doing what I loved to do best—sing!

The last night of the season, it was down to Diana DeGarmo and me. It had been a fantastic season; some say the bestAmerican Idol to date. There were so many good singers. So many of them were really talented. I told myself once again that the fact that I had made it this far was a miracle. I reminded myself that I couldn’t possibly win, because of who I was—a single mother and high-school dropout.