Fantasia still wants to go to Wal-Mart every time she’s at home. She calls it Wally World. And when she’s there, she never hesitates to stop to take pictures or sign autographs. She feels like she has been given such an enormous gift to be in this position, so if they want a picture they deserve it. She feels like she owes the world.
When it came to church, Fantasia was unique in that she didn’t just sing, she sang with an anointing. She would go into a crazy praise and everyone would be looking at her, wondering what was wrong with her. I often said it came from the womb. Fantasia would take on worship that would take people to a whole ’nother level in spirit.
8.ItAin’t About
theBling
When I wonIdol,it was like a dream come true—but there were strings attached that I hadn’t even thought about. The dream part was that there were 65 million people who decided that I was the best singer in the competition and voted for me. That part was wonderful. But the newfound money part has not been easy for me. Now I know you’re thinkin’ that should be the easiest part of winning, but the truth is that I struggle with the enormous change in this area of my life. I struggle with it every single day.
My mother used to say to us about the poor financial decisions we made, “Y’all make bad decisions. You don’t plan for things; you just do things without a plan and then you are nowhere.” Then Mama would shake her head regretfully and say, “That’s what usually happens to people who come from nothin’ and suddenly have more money than they thought they could.” Today my mother says that she is sorry for us all because we never saw anyone who had real money and now we don’t know how to act when we do have money.
As you know, my family struggled every step of the way. It was a struggle to get Christmas gifts every year and that was even in the years when my parents had jobs. Some years, Christmas gifts were not even talked about. Some years, my family struggled so much that singin’ was the only gift we got.
Singin’ was all we knew. We were always trying to catch a hustle by performing anywhere we could. When you have had a life like that, money is always a short-lived reward for just being somewhere and giving a song. There was never enough money to accumulate or save. When you got it, you spent it and that’s just the way it was. When we would perform, the money we got was just enough to pay for that evening’s dinner or the gas to get back home. We weren’t even livin’ paycheck to paycheck like some folks; we were livin’ dollar to dollar.
And all those years we still took our music seriously because we felt that getting money just to sing was a blessing. The singing made us feel like we were ten feet tall. The cash was just gravy. Sadly, all that has changed for me now. Now that money and material things have entered my life, I don’t feel as rich just being near the music as I did before. Now I feel like, even though I have so much more than I ever thought I would, it’s not enough. Makin’ music is no longer just an honor. Now I feel like the music is work and I deserve to be paid for my work. I see now that having more money makes you need and need more and more money. The more you have the more you think you need. I have gained some money, but I think I lost something valuable—I have forgotten how to be happy with what I have.
My whole family is strugglin’ with money just as we always were, but in a different way. We’re struggling to understand real money—not just “gas money,” not just “dinner money,” butreal money that is enough to accumulate and save and invest. None of us have ever had it like that and that is why we are so confused about how to be with this new wealth of ours. We have been in need of things for so long that it’s hard to change our way of thinking, especially when it seems we can get what we want so easily.
Diamonds, luxury cars, and too many clothes are so tempting to me. All I can think of is all those years I didn’t have nice clothes to wear. All I can think of is all those years that I felt so ugly and poor and not dressed well enough. All I can think of is those girls with new clothes on the first day of school every year and my shame of my summer-worn clothes from last year. But I get scared of shopping too much, because I would never stop if I started. I feel like I could spend everything I had on clothes just to wash away those childhood memories. I think the reason my family is now spending so much money is because they are trying to buy their way out of their past.
When I’m thinkin’ clear, I know I don’t want to be broke. I don’t want to be just another “famous girl” tryin’ to forget the past so hard that I act a fool and waste all that I have on material goods. After all the past is what brought me and my family to this point. I am just sayin’ a prayer that God will guide me. I also ask God that He touch the hearts of my family and let them see the possibilities of saving and investing and not be blinded by the bling.
Having money has always been a subject that makes people uncomfortable. Like the rap song says, “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.”That is the truth. When you have always had nothin’, you
