MY MOMENT OF
FAITH:WHAT I LEARNED
The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.
PROVERBS 22:7
It is the small things that matter most.
The best things in life are free.
Rich people can be unhappy, and poor people can be happy. Money ain’t everything!
9.Don’t
Be a Hootchie
Mama
What is a hootchie mama?I’m sure you’re wonderin’. And even though the term originated in the ghetto, it’s a term that can be used all over the world for women who use their bodies to get what they want from men. This is a world problem; it’s not a ghetto problem. It’s sad to say, but women are trained to use their bodies and their looks to get attention and love from men. It’s much easier for women who have no education or financial support to fall into this kind of thinking. The truth is, this is not a good place to be. And the reason that it’s not a good place to be is because being totally at the mercy of a man and dependent on him takes away any belief that you have in yourself. You start to believe that you can’t make it on your own. I felt like I had to be like that with J.B. until I went toAmerican Idol. Even though J.B. was a good man and he was good to me, I don’t want any of my sistas to ever have to feel like they can’t do it on their own.
I have been fortunate to travel around the world, and although I don’t know much about the cultures of other places, I do know that women everywhere want the attention of a man and they show it by the way they dress. In the ghetto where I come from, big butts and tight jeans are the way to get (certain) men’s hearts, but the need for love is something that has no specific neighborhood or language.
You may be wondering why I would even put this chapter in my book. Who cares about hootchie mamas anyway? I care. And this chapter—and this book—is for everyone who thought they had me and other hootchie mamas figured out because they thought they knew about us from the media. But they don’t know our hearts. I want everyone, especially young people, to know that every human being is not necessarily what they look like. I named this chapter this way to get your attention. This chapter is not about hootchie mamas, really; this chapter is really about how they came to be and who they are on the inside.
The name “hootchie mama” comes from TV. Hip-hop and R&B videos always have the girls who don’t have on enough clothes, shakin’ their butts and hanging all over a man who has three other woman hanging on him too. In the videos, it seems that none of the women are upset about the other women hanging on the man. This image is what makes a hootchie mama think it’s OK to share their man. It isn’t.
Hootchie mamas are women who are wearin’ too few clothes and too much jewelry. Hootchie mamas were put into those music videos to make the men in the video feel like they are desirable. Hootchie mamas ain’t real. They ain’t real people, they’re just an image that has been taken too far. Hootchie mamas come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. When I’m on the road, I see lots of young girls wearin’ tight stuff and showin’ too much skin. Their boyfriends seem to like it, but I’m sure their fathers and mothers don’t. I have heard little girls tell me that they had to sneak out to go to my concert and that their mothers would die if they saw what they were wearing. I used to think to myself, I’m not happy with what you’re wearing either, but it’s not my place to say anything. Except for in the pages of my book!
I don’t even like the term “hootchie mama” because a lot of people using that term could be called the same thing. It’s a term that’s based on the way someone looks—how they are dressed—but I know a lot of hootchie mamas and I know what is in their hearts. Most importantly, I know myself and I ain’t no hootchie mama—but some people would have called me that back in the day. The hootchie mamas I know are kind and generous. They are funny and optimistic. They are concerned about their kids as much as anyone else is. They just think that they don’t have any other way of gettin’ attention and making things better for themselves. Hootchie mamas wish that their children could become doctors and lawyers, just like every other mother wishes for her child. A hootchie mama’s problem is that she probably doesn’t know any doctors or lawyers, and if she does, it’s usually not in a social way. The doctors she knows may be the ones who told her that she was pregnant for the first, second, or third time. The lawyers she knows may be the ones who defended her baby daddy. These lawyers are the ones who break the news that her baby daddy is going to prison because of what he did last year.
The hootchie mamas that I know from back home are proud, despite what they look like to everybody else. Despite that they have always lived in the projects, and always got welfare and can’t get off it because they have no education, it seems smarter to not work and keep havin’ babies, then going to get a minimum-wage job. The cost of day care is more than a minimum-wage job earns. These women stand tall and proud and most of them have found some level of self-esteem despite their circumstances. They believe that they are as good as anyone else. Very few hootchie mamas realize that they are not just like everybody else, or maybe they are.
