Regina rolls her eyes. “That’s too mean. Using a woman to make her jealous could always come back to bite you. You could try talking to her instead, Pop. Crazy concept, I know.”
“Interesting, telling Pop to talk when you wouldn’t. It might be mean, but it will work.” Dominic nods at me.
“Talking only works when both people do it. You ordered me around without ever asking me. I didn’t feel safe talking to you. That you would listen and not judge me as being young and stupid or something. Threatening me with that woman was cruel.” She sighs. “Sometimes I wonder why I love you when you’re such an asshole.”
“I was never going to touch her. I didn’t want anyone else the moment I laid eyes on you. You weren’t supposed to let her even get to my room. I waited more than five fucking minutes to call her.” Dominic shakes his head. “What kind of wife doesn’t react when she’s told another woman is coming to her home to fuck her husband?”
“The kind of wife who was afraid you thought our marriage was a shitshow, and so what did it matter anyway?” She takes the glass of wine and drinks it down in one swallow.
“You moved out of our room without any fucking explanation. I waited for fifty-seven long days and nights for you to come to me.”
Regina blushes as she reaches for his hand. “What would you have done if I hadn’t gone in there?”
He laughs as he pulls her into his lap. “I would have told her to get herself off so you could hear it, then sent her on her way. Fifty-seven days and agonizing nights, princess. You were driving me fucking crazy.”
Listening to Dominic, I’m reminded of Sara and her husband. The games people play. I’m too fucking old for games. Regina said she was afraid Dominic wouldn’t listen to her. I wince as I think of Christy complaining about Lillian and the way I brushed off her concern. When if another man dared to touch her, I would kill him and hurt her for allowing it.
Fuck. For years, I ran over our time together, wondering where I had gone wrong, what was the moment that had her leaving. The night she was back she told me that she was trying to be brave for me. Closing my eyes, I recall her saying she read to be brave and strong the way she wasn’t when she was young. The whole fucking reason she tried to kill me was to prove to herself she was strong enough to do something previously unthinkable.
I told her to prove her love. She’s been trying. Have I?
***
Christy
I go upstairs blindly. Opening the door, I lean against it as my knees give out. Three days. In three days, there is no going back.
A noise and my eyes go to it. Oh god, I thought I was in Rosie’s room, but it’s Luca’s room. He studies me intently. He’s lying on top of the covers reading on his cell phone.
“How tiresome. I understand now why it’s taken Pop so long to forgive you. It will only open him up for more drama and exhausting torture. It isn’t him you don’t trust and believe in. It’s you. You don’t think you’re worthy of him and his love, to be happy. And no matter how much he says it, proves it to you daily you’ll hold it against him, not yourself.” He rolls his eyes. “I cannot imagine a more thorough hell than thinking he’s in love with you.”
I go still listening to him. I try to shake my head only...I can’t find the words to argue with him. He’s right. It isn’t Tony I’m afraid of. It’s me. It’s always going to be me. Tony loves me, turned himself and his life inside out for me. I don’t think I deserve him. I’m a mess. I always have been. Tony came along fixed me and I repaid him by leaving him. Sliding down to my knees, the tears start, and I can’t stop them.
Luca shakes his head. “Pop goes almost five years without any for you, and you’re in here hiding from him when you should be talking to him.”
“He wasn’t with anyone?” Tony wouldn’t have lied. His regret was clear.
He shrugs. “Apparently after you left, he got wasted and did a lot of bad things with a lot of beautiful women. Once he sobered up, he hasn’t touched another woman since. Said it felt wrong.”
The door to his room opens suddenly. I look up to find Tony looming over me. His eyes go to Luca then me. Luca sighs. “Good luck with her, Pop. You are going to need it.”
Tony picks me up and walks me out of the room. He sets me on the bed, his hands cup my face. “I love you. I loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I was a bastard. Loving you scared the ever-loving fuck out of me, and I did not handle it well. I didn’t deserve you. I didn’t deserve a happily ever after. But I was sure if I held onto you tight enough, I could keep you.”
My chest twists so tight I can barely breathe. “I’m sorry. For being so weak and a coward. I love you so much, it scared the hell out of me too. You were and still are this big, strong, powerful god-like person to me. I can’t believe you dared look down at me, but I just knew one day you were going to look up and see how much better you could have it. You would come to your senses and leave. I couldn’t imagine how badly it would hurt, so I left first. But it hurt so damn bad. If it hadn’t been for Rosie, I don’t know what I would have
