Now all of this was sort of expected -- I’d seen the bondage rags Wayne creamed over; seen his diagrams an’ sketches -- but that freak must’ve thought I was a complete an’ total blind idiot or somethin’. ‘Cause I could tell the second I saw the set-up that none of it was new. Not one fuckin’ thing in that room. The bedposts were dull an’ worn where the handcuffs had rubbed against them. The ring on the chain was scratched. The metal post was dinged in a couple places. The chrome on the legs of the sawhorse was scraped. The wooden floor was scuffed from the chair bein’ dragged over it, an’ the chair’s stain an’ polish were faded an’ chipped. They’d used this room before, an’ not just once or twice.
Suddenly I was feelin’ really -- weird. Like I had tiny little sugar ants crawlin’ up an’ down my arms an’ legs an’ over my body. Something about that room was wrong -- way too fuckin’ wrong -- an’ I just wanted to get the fuck out, but I couldn’t move.
Wayne noticed me hesitatin’ so he pointed to the bed. “Toss him there an’ leave him. I want to savor this moment.”
I looked at him. Then looked at the bed. Then remembered I was carryin’ Shayes an’ while he wasn’t strugglin’, he wasn’t exactly what you’d call a lightweight, either. I wandered over to the bed an’ let him drop onto it. He bounced onto his stomach an’ started to roll around -- tryin’ to get comfortable, I guess, since he knew he wasn’t goin’ nowhere. I watched him, for a second. Watched him realize he was on a bed an’ understand what was gonna happen. What was really gonna happen. An’...an’ I gotta hand it to the guy -- he didn’t give up. He scooted ‘round to sit up an’ try to see through the blindfold, an’ he started yammerin’, fast an’ breathless, “Listen, listen, you don’t understand. I’m a cop. I keep a tight, steady schedule. People’re going to be looking for me, soon. Someone may’ve seen your van and they’ll tell the police and it’ll be ten times worse for you if you’ve hurt me in any way, if you’ve done anything to me. So, let me go, please. Be smart about it. I’ll walk away. No harm, no foul. Okay? Okay?”
Wayne just snickered, an’ that’s when it washed over me like cold ocean water. This whole set-up, this whole plan, this whole room -- revenge against a cop had nothin’ to do with it. Neither did loneliness or the world’s hypocrisy or his own sense of injustice. An’ gettin’ a homophobe like Shayes to enjoy what he said he hated -- that was all a lie. This...all of this...it was just another fuck to Wayne an’ Lenny. It was just sex.
How the fuck could I have missed that? Was I that fuckin’ blinded by my own need for revenge? Was I that closed off to the idea that maybe I was bein’ used to get a couple of perverts a guy they could never get on their own? Was I that fuckin’ stupid?
I looked at Wayne like I’d never seen him before. He was standin’ to one side of the bed, watchin’ Shayes move around an’ chatter the same crap, over an’ over. An’ he was rubbin’ his own chest an’ crotch. An’ boner; it was really showin’ in his pants. Lenny was standin’ on the other side, almost lickin’ his lips. There wasn’t any hate or hurt or fear or confusion in their eyes, now; all that was there was just plain lust.
So that’s all it was. Those fuckers were usin’ me -- no, usin’ my anger to help ‘em get their rocks off, that’s all. Not a damn thing more. I started to breathe almost as fast as Shayes, an’ I almost felt sorry for him.
Oh, man, I had to get out of that room.
I tried to back to the door, nice an’ slow, but Wayne noticed an’ came over to me, askin’, “What’s wrong?”
I almost froze...then I muttered, “I -- I need a beer. Or some fresh air. I guess.”
Wayne looked at me. “You’re not backing out? Not now.”
“No, man,” I whispered, barely able to talk. “It’s just this -- this room; it’s freaking me out. No windows. One door. Those cameras.”
“Does it remind you of prison?” I’d swear there was a gleam in his eye when he asked me that. “I understand. There’s a cooler on the patio with some ice cold Beck’s in it, just for you. Why don’t you have one. Or two? Have a smoke. Relax. We’ll get things ready for you.”
I nodded, just wantin’ out. Just wantin’ away from Wayne’s voice. From Shayes’ non-stop beggin’. I backed to the door, opened it behind me an’ slipped outside. As I closed the door, I saw Wayne’d turned back to the bed, an’ he told Shayes, “Don’t waste your voice, gorgeous. You’re ours, now.”
I stumbled over to the patio, tryin’ to calm my brain down. Hell, just calm my breathin’. I found the cooler an’ popped a Beck’s an’ downed it in one gulp. Didn’t even notice it. I grabbed another one an’ had half that into my belly before I took a breath. Then I leaned against this post an’ tried to sort things out. Tried to stop shakin’.
You see -- an’ this ain’t no time for lies -- I...I really honestly wanted to fuck Shayes. Way down deep, I wanted it. An’ yeah, one reason I was doin’ it was to
