TECHNIQUE #20 (FOR HUNTERS):
SPRING FOR A NICE RESTAURANT
If you're dining out on your first date, take her to a restaurant with an atmosphere like you want to project: Elegant? Upbeat? Cool? Arty? Atmosphere is important because she'll transfer her feelings about the room to you.
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Gentlemen, there's also an argument for taking the lady to a plush party rather than a crowded bash. The title of a study called "Hot and Crowded: Influence of Population Density and Temperature on Interpersonal Affective Behavior" says it a2ll9.
Hunters, Some Spit and Polish for Your P's and Q's
Men, I can hear you asking, "Are you really going to muddy the love waters with talk about manners ?"
Yes, Hunters, this mud's for you. Very important stuff to a woman.
It's as good as a kiss to a woman when you stand as she enters the room, when you gently help her on with her coat, hold the door for her, or know just how much to tip the doorman when he gets the taxi. It is as arousing as a gentle caress when you suavely taste the wine at the restaurant or tell the waiter, "The lady will have the Duck à ll'Orange," rather than blurting out, "She wants the duck."
Huntresses, men are not as susceptible to such subtleties. Unless a piece of spaghetti is dangling from your teeth or you spill your red wine all over his white dinner jacket, he'll probably overlook less than flawless manners.
TECHNIQUE #21 (FOR HUNTERS):
P'S AND Q's
Hunters, pick up a copy of Amy Vanderbilt's or Miss Manners' guides. Read it with the same intensity as you'd
read How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time and Make Her Beg for More , because when you follow the advice therein, you'll be satisfying two parts of her anatomy—her heart and her brain.
Gentlemen, I suggest you go to your local library and ask for a copy oAfmy Vanderbilts'
Etiquette or Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium . If reading such fare embarrasses you, take a plain brown paper bag with you to tote it home.
When it becomes second nature for you to graciously take her arm when crossing the street and nonchalantly steer her clear of doggie doo on the sidewalk without chortling, she'll say to herself, "This guy's got great technique."
Huntresses, Forgive His Foibles
Conversely, Huntresses, if he's less than suave, don't bring it to his attention. Let the man have the pleasurable myth that he's above commonplace bloopers and embarrassing biological functions. If your date suffers the humiliation of audibly passing gas and should you wink, chuckle, hoot, or show Page 85
any recognition of his biological blooper, he may return your cheap smile with a humiliated one of his own. But inside, you'll lose love points.
If you're having dinner with your Quarry and he makes a faux pas, you should play the childhood game we cruelly calledHelen Keller. Be blind to his overturned glass. Be deaf to his sneeze, cough, or hiccups. No matter how well-meaning your
"gesundheit," "whoops," or knowing smile, nobody likes to be reminded of his own human failings.
I have a friend, Gil, now a highly paid copywriter, who came from humble origins. He grew up in the Bronx, New York. His parents had emigrated from Russia, and the family always had to struggle, so he was especially proud of making so much money and being able to afford the best in life.
Gill loved dating elegant women. When I met him, he thought he might be falling in love with Stephanie, a beautiful and, he thought, gracious lady. Stephanie impressed him because she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and was aware of all the finer things in life he aspired to.
TECHNIQUE #22:
NEVER SAY BUTTERFINGERS
Clever Huntresses overlook their Quarry's minor slips, spills, fumbles, blunders, and faux pas. They obviously ignore raspberries and all other signs of human frailty in their Quarry. Successful Huntresses (and Hunters) never say butterfingers .
One evening Gill took her to one of the top restaurants in New York. The maitre d' seated them. Gill gave the waiter their cocktail order, and he and Stephanie settled in for an intimate evening of good conversation and wonderful cuisine.
Gill took the pleated napkin off the table, placed it on his lap, and leaned in to tell Stephanie how beautiful she looked in the candlelight. He was met with a stony expression which only thawed out when the waiter arrived, removed the napkin from the table for Stephanie, and placed it on her lap.
Gill said he had no problem with table manners and social graces. In fact, he welcomed learning about them. But Stephanie's making a show of his apparent ignorance of waiting for the waiter to remove the napkin and place it on his lap put a damper on the evening. (Incidentally, it is perfectly proper to wait or to take your own napkin off the table.) Gill tried to salvage the situation by lightly teasing Stephanie. He asked her, ' Hey, Steph, would you like the waiter to come dab your chin after each bite and ask, 'One more bite for Georgie, your waiter?'''
Stephanie was not amused. The evening, and the relationship, took a definite downturn.
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Huntresses, no matter how lacking he is in P's and Q's, don't criticize the man you want to fall in love with you. Let the charming bumpkin blunder on through life blissfully ignorant, because even if your Quarry is sensitive to social graces, you can bet your silver spoon he's a lot more sensitive about his ego.
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First-Date Duds
Do clothes make the man? Do clothes make the woman? Of course not. But they dramatically influence a Potential Love Partner'sperception of you.
Remember, their perception is all they have to go on when you meet.
When I first researched the ideal love-hunting outfit, I thought (as perhaps you do now) that clothes are more important on the woman. Not
