Chapter 29
Sharing the Ugly Truth
Here is where I journaled it in my group
01-26-21
Well, I did it. I shared with the three people who I feel like I most hurt. And while I have only heard back from one of them, I shared with all of them my reluctance and they were all very supportive and understanding. Thank you, God, for your mercy and grace.
Maybe they also need time to process, to take it all in and fully “get” it.
Do you know what’s hard though? Waiting.
Ironic isn’t it? I spent so much time and energy waiting on the other shoe to drop while juggling as many things as I could, and I never got good at waiting.
I am working really hard to be living in the moment because really that is ALL we are guaranteed on this Earth.
But I’m human. There are so many things I still want to do, accomplish and I sometimes feel like I’ll never get there. And that bothers me so very much. Like, to my core, bothers me.
My feelings of not being worthy, and never measuring up are like a southern summer mosquito continually buzzing you for the chance to dig into your flesh.
What I have learned is that for me, I need to be specific in my prayer. When we sing about laying all our burdens at His feet, what do we hold on to?
For me, it’s these things. But I’m learning and growing and trusting. Through that I’m able to stop myself and see that where I am today is not what I anticipated as the innocent child, but it’s a far cry from where I was in 2015.
The life I have rebuilt since then is nothing short or remarkable because I didn’t do it my own power, it was God.
I’m learning to remember how important it is to be thankful, to see the progress, to be awed by what He has done in my life in such a short time (although it felt like a LONG time) and not let what I have yet to accomplish stand in the way of today’s beauty.
It’s hard y’all.
But if there’s any one thing I truly know about me right this minute….. it’s that I won’t give up and God will NEVER give up on me.
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
I BELIEVE THIS.
If you are struggling with domestic abuse, please reach out to the resources in your area, or the National Domestic Abuse hotline.
About the Author
Terri Smith calls Norman, Oklahoma home and in addition to working for the University of Oklahoma, she is an avid Sooner Football fan.
She credits her family, friends, and God’s love, for bringing her to this place in her life, and she happily shares her journey with you in her first, published work, “Masterpiece in Progress”.
In her spare time, she loves to sing, dance, write, and cook homemade southern meals to share with friends and neighbors. Her favorite though is spending quality time making memories with her grandson.
One of her strongest motivations to write this book was to be able to share her tragedy to triumph journey of surviving domestic abuse and ptsd.
