As I see it, the title “Dalai Lama” represents the responsibility that has come down to me. As for me, I am just a human being, and it just so happens that I am also a Tibetan who has chosen to be a Buddhist monk. So before I narrate the events of my own spiritual journey, I would like to reflect upon what binds us all together, the essential elements of our common humanity and the compassion it calls for.
In our blood, a vital need for affection
OUR LIFE DEPENDS ON OTHERS so much that at the root of our existence there is a fundamental need for love. That is why it is good to cultivate an authentic sense of our responsibility and a sincere concern for the welfare of others.
What is our true nature as human beings? We are not just material beings, and it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness in external development. Without going into the controversial debate over the creation and evolution of our universe, we all agree that each person is the product of his parents. For the most part, our conception involved not only the sexual desire of our parents but also their decision to have a child. Their plan was based on altruistic responsibility and the commitment to take care of us until we became independent. So from the very instant of our conception, our parents’ love was an essential factor.
Moreover, we depended entirely on our mother’s care in the beginning of our life. According to some scientists, the state of mind—calm or agitated—of a pregnant woman has an immediate physical impact on the child she is carrying.
The expression of love is also essential at birth. Since our first gesture was to suck milk from our mother’s breast, we instinctively feel closer to our mother, who must also feel love in order to feed us, for if she is angry or unhappy, her milk will not flow so freely.
Then there is the critical period of formation of the brain, from birth until the age of three or four. Affectionate physical contact is the main factor for a child’s normal growth. If he is not pampered, cuddled, loved, his development will be limited and his brain will not grow to its full potential.
Since the child cannot survive without another’s care, love is essential. These days many children grow up in unhappy homes. Deprived of affection, later on in life they will rarely love their parents and will often have trouble loving others. This is very sad.
A few years later, when children enter school, they need to be helped by their teachers. If a teacher doesn’t limit himself to academic teaching, if he also takes on the responsibility of preparing his students for life, they will have respect for him and confidence in him. The things they learn from him will leave an indelible imprint in their minds. Conversely, subjects taught by someone who doesn’t care about his students’ well-being will be of only passing interest to them and will soon be forgotten.
Similarly, when a sick person is treated at the hospital by a doctor who shows him human warmth, he feels comforted. The doctor’s wish to lavish the best care is therapeutic in itself, regardless of the technical details of medical procedures. On the other hand, when a doctor lacks empathy and seems unfriendly, impatient, or contemptuous, even if he is very famous, his diagnosis is correct, and he prescribes the most effective remedies, the sick person is still in distress.
In the case of an everyday conversation, when our interlocutor speaks to us with human feeling, we listen and respond with pleasure, so that the conversation becomes interesting even though it is quite ordinary. On the other hand, if someone speaks coldly or harshly, we feel annoyed and want to end the conversation quickly. From the smallest to the largest event, the affection and respect of others are vital elements.
Recently, I met a group of American scientists who said that the percentage of mental illness in their country was quite high—about 12 percent of the population. From the discussion, it emerged clearly that the main cause was not lack of material resources but a lack of affection.
One thing seems obvious. Whether or not we are aware of it, from the day we are born, the need for affection is in our very blood. I believe that no one is born without this need for love. And contrary to certain modern schools of thought, this demonstrates that human beings are not limited to the physical plane alone. No material object, no matter how beautiful or precious it is, can give us the feeling of being loved, because our deeper identity, our true character, is rooted in the subjective nature of the mind.
Compassion, what I sometimes also call human affection, is the determining factor of our life. Connected to the palm of the hand, the five fingers become functional; cut off from it, they are useless. Similarly, every human action becomes dangerous when it is deprived of human feeling. When they are performed with feeling and respect for human values, all activities become constructive.
My mother, a compassionate woman
IWAS BORN OF A SIMPLE FAMILY from the remote Amdo province in Tibet. As a child, I grew up surrounded by the loving-kindness of my mother, a woman of great compassion. And after I arrived
