—Elizabeth
I think that my stepfather has hit bottom with his Alzheimer’s dilemma. I think he has lost some hearing at almost ninety-four. He is going to see a doctor this week to check on his mental facilities. This is wearing my mother out. She is ninety-one with macular degeneration. She has three caretakers waiting on them both. At least Al is taken each morning to an adult care center for a few hours. Lisa, it is always good to hear from you since your mother is alert and going through some of these problems. Take care.
—Anonymous
I miss having a conversation with my sweet husband. I hate Alzheimer’s! I hope you have a lot more time to have talks with your mom.
—Dotty
I can still speak with my mother but it’s not the same as it used to be before her dementia. Usually speaking with my mother is not a pleasant experience either. She is usually angry that she is so confused and angry with my father. I miss my “real” mom.
—Annette
You are an inspiration, Lisa. Keep the blogs coming. I am a nurse who works with Alzheimer’s patients and have done so for the past thirty years, and you inspire me. Please add me as a friend so I can carry on reading your blogs.
—Grace
March 30, 2012
Feelings of My Mom
This week I had committed to volunteering at a nursing home that has one floor filled only with people who suffer from dementia. I questioned myself why I was doing this, and had thoughts of cancelling. I did not truly understand why I would place myself in an atmosphere that would only bring up my feelings about my own mother who suffers from Alzheimer’s. Yet I felt that since I made the commitment, I needed to live up to it, and at least go this one time.
As I approached the building. I felt heaviness. I took a deep breath as I proceeded to go inside. I would be assisting the gentleman who comes once a week to play the piano and sing to the patients. I know how much joy singing brings to my mom, and I thought that it would be giving back to perhaps bring some joy into other people lives.
As I sang along, I was touched by a lovely lady who sat directly next to the piano player. I was told that she did not speak anymore, yet each week she came to hear him sing. I witnessed her starting to come alive and watched as the melody came out of her lips. Our eyes connected as I sang the melodies. I smiled at her, and her lips seemed to smile back. She reminded me of my mom, as my eyes slowly filled with tears. I wondered if there was anything she might have been feeling.
I thought about my own mother and wondered what at moments did she feel? These are feelings that she can no longer express, because the moment after she may think them, they just seem to vanish. Although today Mom did ask when I would be coming to see her and expressed how very much she missed me.
This sweet lady I met briefly this week deeply touched me. I had this warm feeling of wanting to take her in my arms, as I so often wish to do with my own mother. Then I wanted to tell her not to worry, that everything will be okay. I realized that one day, and I do not know when, this could be my own mom. One day her Alzheimer’s will eventually win and rob her of all that she still has left.
Just as I was leaving, this sweet lady whispered to me thank you, and we both smiled. I gently kissed her on her cheek, and once again tears for my mom swelled in my eyes.
Leaving to go home, I had such a yearning to be able to see my mother and to hold her and touch her. I shared this with my husband later that evening. For the rest of the night and into the next morning, I had an overwhelming sadness. I wondered what my mom and this lady were doing at this very moment.
Maybe deep down what I really want is for my mom to be able to hold me and squeeze me and tell me that everything will be all right. Perhaps, like the picture, I just want to be that little girl again and have my mom take care of me. As we know life does not go backwards and my wanting to be protected and cuddled by her can no longer happen. So as each day goes by, I can hold on to all that we have left and remember all the special moments of my childhood.
COMMENTS
How lovely. What else could anyone say? Keep up the singing. It brings so much happiness to dementia clients.
—Anonymous
Wow. This really hits home for me. Thank you so much for sharing.
—Anonymous
Wow! How beautifully written and how touching. I can certainly relate to this!
—Anonymous
Can’t hold back the tears.
—Anonymous
I am crying my eyes out right now. We think my mother has this. My grandmother had it, and so did her brother and three sisters.
—Anonymous
A beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.
—Anonymous
March 31, 2012
Those Special Moments
My mom has been doing great the last couple of weeks. Will it last? Who knows, and for how long? It doesn’t matter. I just hold on tightly to all the love that she fills my heart with and all the smiles she adds to my face.
Today she started to speak to me in Yiddish. I think I recall that my grandfather spoke a little of it when I was young. Although he came here as a child from Europe, he learned to speak
