Ugh. I buried my head in my arms for a moment, before looking back up at her. I hate this.
I know. But now you know what the real issue is, you can start thinking about what you’re going to say to Max.
I nodded, knowing she was right, but also knowing it wasn’t that easy.
Eight hours before the fire
Nadia took a deep, shuddering breath then let it out again slowly. The office appeared to be empty, so she could take a couple of minutes to steady herself. It was getting too much; the situation was out of hand and she needed to do something about it once and for all. Even coming into work was starting to make her feel panicky.
She was there to pick up her copy of the next week’s rota after handing in her time sheet, and she scanned it to see which clients she was working with. As a carer, she knew she shouldn’t have favourites, and she tried to treat all of them the same, but she still had a soft spot for certain people.
With a sigh, she realised the situation was the same as it had been last week. She’d been given completely new clients, and none of her regulars. It wasn’t fair! Why should she have to change her working pattern? Any mistakes she’d made recently were to do with who she’d trusted, not what she’d done.
Feeling frustrated tears welling up behind her eyes, she left the office and went straight to the toilets, locking herself in a cubicle. She would only let herself cry when she was sure nobody was around, and if anyone else came into the office she couldn’t bear them seeing.
After a few minutes, she knew she needed to get moving. She wanted to get home and do some housework, knowing everything would have been left in a terrible state again. Unlocking the door, she went to the sink and splashed some cold water on her face, then looked at her reflection. What was she doing? How had she got herself into this mess? Lukas didn’t even know all of it. She should tell him, but what if he didn’t agree with her about how to handle it?
She felt a tap on her shoulder and saw another face in the mirror, making her jump.
‘Karen! I didn’t hear you come in.’
‘Are you okay?’ the other carer asked, concern on her face. She manoeuvred herself into the light so Nadia could read her lips clearly, before repeating her question.
For a moment, Nadia tried to maintain her composure, but when confronted with Karen’s concern, she felt the tears begin to well up behind her eyes.
‘No,’ she replied, shaking her head. ‘No, I’m not.’
Chapter 8
Thursday 18th April
I didn’t work for Sasha on a Thursday, so I had another interpreting job booked for the morning. It was a training course for an educational outreach company, and they had a couple of deaf teachers attending. Interesting as I found it, especially as it was so different from my usual fare – social work meetings, medical appointments, occasional school events – I found myself drifting a few times during the morning. I couldn’t stop thinking about Lukas, and the strange chain of events that had occurred in the last couple of days.
When I thought back to the heat of the fire, I felt my pulse increase and a shot of adrenaline burst into my veins. Just the memory of it was enough to put me back into survival mode, so I could only imagine how Lukas had felt. I knew I hadn’t imagined it – he was terrified, and when he realised Nadia was dead I felt like I saw his world crumble in slow motion. So why wouldn’t he communicate with the police?
I knew Sasha was keen to keep me involved with this case, especially as I’d been there with Lukas as it happened, but I was reluctant. I’d told Singh I wouldn’t get involved, and I meant it; I didn’t want to get entangled in this. The last thing I wanted to do was make Singh mad at me, and not just because I’d finally admitted to myself that I had feelings for him.
The training had been in a small town on the banks of the Humber, about half an hour from Scunthorpe. Just before I got back in my car after my morning job, I received a phone call. Glancing at the display, I could see it was Sasha, so I pulled up and answered it.
Hi Paige, she signed as soon as her face popped up on my phone screen. Are you busy?
I’ve just left a job, I told her, wondering what she wanted.
Do you fancy meeting for lunch? I’ve got some stuff I’d like to talk to you about?
I was wary, but I agreed. I’m in Barton at the moment.
That’s great. I’m not far away.
We agreed a meeting place and I set off through to the other side of Barton-upon-Humber. She’d asked me to meet her in the cafe at the nature reserve on the edge of the estuary, and I arrived before her. Choosing a seat next to the window, I looked out over the reeds and ponds. A couple of mums with young kids were feeding the ducks, toddlers clinging tightly to paper bags of seed bought at the entrance to the visitor centre, as various waterfowl converged on the area where some of the food had hit the water. My mind suddenly jumped to Max – was he thinking about this sort of future for us? If I moved in with him, would I be here in a few years, feeding the ducks with my own children? Part of me could see it, but part of the picture still felt wrong. It wasn’t that I didn’t
