The clubhouse is busy. Cree slaps me on the back. “You sort shit with Anna?”
I shake my head. “Why would I? We’re over, remember?” I snap.
“She didn’t wanna go and see Eleanor?” he guesses. I shake my head. “Sorry, man,” he mutters.
“So I told her I was fucking Raven,” I mutter, and Cree groans. “I know! When I said the fucking words, I wanted to rip my own throat out.”
“Go back and tell her the truth,” he says.
I shake my head. “Nah, it’s done. She’s done. What’s the point? I gotta face it, Anna’s moved on from me. I don’t blame her. I’m an ass.”
“It sounds to me like Anna doesn’t want to come because she’s guarding her heart. Not because she doesn’t want to try,” says Eleanor.
“It’s the same fucking thing,” I mutter, scrubbing my hands over my face. “She ain’t here.”
“Last time we talked about your past, with Michelle. Let’s talk about your relationship with Anna.”
I groan. “I think you enjoy watching me squirm,” I mutter. “I don’t cry. You ain’t gonna make me cry.”
Eleanor laughs. “There’s nothing wrong with crying, Finn. Lots of people do it, it isn’t a sign of weakness.”
I scoff. “In my world, it is.”
“Was Anna from your world?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Not really. Her last guy was a crime boss, so she wasn’t clueless to our world, but she wasn’t in it. He was violent to her. A lot.”
“That must have been hard for her.”
I nod. “But she’s strong,” I say, my words from last night slipping out.
“What makes someone strong?” she asks, and I frown in confusion. “Well, you say she’s strong. But how do you know?”
I shrug. “She just is,” I mutter. “She carried on, after he did shit to her. She left and carried on. She looked after their kid. And now, I’ve hurt her and she’s carrying on, looking after my kid and his . . . alone.” I shake my head, hating that thought.
“She hasn’t had a choice but to carry on,” says Eleanor.
“No,” I mutter.
“So you got together, you had a child. How was that?”
“Willow was . . . unexpected,” I say.
“A good surprise or bad?” she asks.
I pause. “I wasn’t ready for another kid.”
“But you already had Ziggy,” she says. “What was the problem with having another?”
“Fuck, now you sound like her,” I mumble. I stand and walk over to the window. “Anna wanted another kid. I told her no. I wanted to wait.”
“For what?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I just wanted her,” I snap. “I didn’t have her to myself for long enough.”
“You were jealous that the baby would have her attention?” she asks.
“Maybe,” I mumble.
“It’s a normal reaction,” says Eleanor. “Lots of men feel like that when their partners get pregnant.”
“She was so happy. I remember her announcing it to the club and she was smiling. It felt like she’d punched me when she said the words. And I thought to myself, if I feel like that, maybe none of it was right.”
“None of it?” she repeats.
“Like us, the relationship. I questioned us. Then when she saw I wasn’t happy and she gave me those puppy dog eyes, I lost my shit. Accused her of tricking me.”
“Into getting pregnant?”
I nod, hanging my head. “I said I couldn’t trust her if she’d tricked me into getting her pregnant just to keep me.”
“Do you believe that?” she asks.
I shake my head and stare out at the London skyline. “No. She ain’t like that.”
“Did you feel that way when Michelle got pregnant?” she asks.
I nod slowly. “Yeah. But I was young and I was scared, so I pretended to be happy. Michelle did trick me. She admitted it one night when she was high.”
“But with Anna, you were married. You each had a child. If she’d wanted to trap you, wouldn’t she get pregnant before the wedding? Seems a strange time to get pregnant, in fact, it’s the way most people do it—marriage, then babies.”
“The thing is,” I say, turning to face her, “a few hours before that moment, before she announced the news, I’d had some news of my own.”
Chapter Five
ANNA
“Malia, please, just walk.” I’m aware that I’m begging, but she’s acting up so much lately that I’m losing my mind.
“My legs hurt,” she wails. I sigh heavily and Ziggy slips his hand into my own.
“You want me to deal with her?” he asks. I smile down at him and nod. “Leave it with me.” He adds a wink and I see Riggs in him, which makes me smile wider.
I watch him take Malia by the hand. “I’ll help you walk,” he says, smiling big to show off his dimples. Malia melts into a puddle and begins to walk.
Eva is inside my house cooking when we get home from the school run, and it reminds me of how things were before Riggs. Willow is sleeping soundly in her basket in the living room.
“You stinky little humans, go wash your hands before you eat,” says Eva. The kids rush off upstairs and I take a seat at the table.
“Riggs wants a divorce,” I blurt, and Eva freezes mid pouring of water from the vegetable pan.
“What?”
“He brought the girls home last night. I was so unprepared that I cried. I feel like such an idiot,” I mutter. “I’ve managed not to break down, and as soon as he says that, I crumble like a fucking broken-hearted teenager.”
“Shit, Anna, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s the next step. He just caught me off-guard. I’d woken from a crazy dream about me and him and it was on my mind when he announced that.”
“Crazy dream?” she asks, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Is Raven seeing anyone?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Not as far as I know. She lies pretty low these days. I’m so busy helping Leia with Hope that I haven’t taken notice. Gia and Blu are the hottest news around the club. They’ve been married for months
