The nurses came in and tried to get me to calm down when that didn’t work the doctors came in. They tried to sedate me but I wouldn’t let anyone get close. I swung and pushed everyone away, I broke light fixtures, the bed, pulled out my IV, I was going out of my mind. I looked over to where Prez was and I could see the pain on his face but I couldn’t care less. It was in that brief moment that I wasn’t paying attention that someone poked me with something sharp and less than a minute later I was nodding off into a deep sleep.
“Ryan, you with me?”
Someone flashed a bright light in my eyes and my head began to pound.
“What the fuck.” I groaned and tried to block my eyes from the harsh white light but my arms were being forced down. I looked at my wrist and there was some Velcro shit tying my arms down to the bed. I flexed hard and broke the restraints, I already couldn’t move my legs there was no way in fuck I was going to let them take my arms away from me too.
The doctor backed up quickly.
“What the fuck do you want?” I asked groggily. Whatever drugs they had given me were still coursing through my veins. It was the only thing keeping me from trying to find something to throw at this man.
“Do I need to call security?”
I turned my head and glared at him. “I’m a fucking sap. What the hell am I going to do to you? Stop being a pussy. What do you want?” I asked slamming my head back against the bed. I couldn’t do anything to him, I was fucking worthless.
“I wanted to see how you were feeling and if you were ready to talk about the next steps in your treatment-”
I cut him off before he could say another word. “I don’t give a hot shit about the next steps in my treatment, I want out of here, now.”
“I’m sorry, but you are nowhere near stable enough to be on your own. You will need at least one more skin graft surgery and the pins in your hip will need to be reset. Then we need to work on physical therapy. It’s unlikely that you’ll walk again and if that’s the case you will always need some type of assistive device.”
“Will I be able to ride?”
“Ride? You mean a motorcycle?” The doctor asked a look of surprise on his face.
“Yeah Doc, my fucking bike, can I ride?”
He shook his head slowly, “No, I’m sorry, but you will never be able to ride again. Your injuries are just too severe.”
I closed my eyes and turned my head. I didn’t want to hear anything else that he had to say. There was nothing that he was about to tell me that was going to make me see the bright side of this situation.
“Ryan, you’re lucky to be alive. Maybe think on that for a little while?”
I didn’t even bother to turn back to where the Doctor was standing. “I’m not trying to hear that noise, are you the one in this bed? Are you the one that just lost everything that defined you?” I waited for an answer but didn’t get one. “I didn’t think so, now fuck off and let me be.”
The doctor walked out silently and I just laid there, thinking of nothing but the last few days before I ended up here. I wondered if the boys were ok. If things went as planned in NOLA. Who the fuck was making all the pickups. I felt so damn useless.
Chapter 5
“Mr Barosy, the nurse told me that you are refusing your pain medication, that you are actually refusing all of your medication.” The doctor stood at the door, far enough away that I wouldn’t be able to grab onto him or swing.
“I don’t fucking want it. What’s so hard to fucking understand?” The sweat was pouring off my face and I held onto the damp sheets with both my hands. They wanted to put me out again to re-adjust the mangled wire in the mess they called my legs. The last thing I wanted was to be put back to sleep. I had already lost a whole month of my life, just gone, I didn’t want that again.
“Mr Barosy-”
“Stop with the Mr Barosy shit! My name is Ryder.” I yelled at him and closed my eyes to focus on getting through the pain.
“Fine, Ryder. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Let us help you.”
“I don’t want your damn help, I don’t want anything. Just do whatever you need to do to get me the fuck out of here.”
He huffed and closed the chart he was holding in his hand. “Fine, if that’s your wish. We won’t put you under, but if I feel that the procedure is too taxing on your heart I am going to stop and you will be here longer than needed. There is no compromise on that.”
“Yeah, whatever. Just get this shit done.”
After three days I was just about at the end of what my will power could take. Just changing the bandages on my newly grafted back was enough to have me calling on the gods for mercy and I’m not a praying man. The doctor wanted me to start some physical therapy for my lower half but I didn’t see the point. I watched as the man stuck a full needle in my foot and I didn’t feel a thing. I was never going to walk again, no matter what they tried to tell me, I knew that shit wasn’t going to happen.
“Good morning Mr Barosy, are you up for some PT today?”
“I’m ready to go home today.”
“Oh, um, I don’t
