“Who do you reckon?” The distaste in Marcus’s tone gains my attention.
“Oh,” Simon sits up, leaning forward, a few strands of his ash blonde hair falling over his hazel eyes, “You wish Ayden was here?”
Hearing his name cracks my heart open, and I spin away from my friends, hoping they didn’t see the pain on my face.
“Shut up, dickhead. No saying his name, remember!” Shaun interjects, and Simon curses under his breath.
I compose myself and decide to pretend that little slip up didn’t happen on my behalf or Simon’s.
“I’m tired. Where can I sleep?”
The room is quiet, and all five boys regard me before Jared pipes up.
“I’m beat too. Are we all sleeping in here, Hastings?”
“I mean, there are a thousand bedrooms in this house. If you want your own beds, then have at it, but if you're happy to sleep in here, then we can.” Simon offers, glancing at me as he speaks.
“Where do you want to sleep, Lex?” Marcus asks, standing from the couch, stumbling a little. Good, he’s drunk too. I’m not the only one.
The guys look at me expectantly, and I hate how vulnerable I feel right now. Maybe drinking wasn’t such a good idea.
“If I sleep in here, will someone stay in here with me?” I shift nervously under their gazes.
“Of course Lex, we will all stay in here,” Jared answers for the group, and the others agree with nods.
I nod back, and they all start to move when Simon tells them where there are extra mattresses and blankets. While they are all busy, I sneak off to the powder room, which is just off the rumpus room, and as soon as I’ve locked the door, I start to cry.
It’s stupid, pathetic drunk crying. I have never been a drunk crier, but apparently, I am now. With the need to rid my body of this emotion weakening alcohol, I pull the hair tie from around my wrist and tie my hair in some sort of mess on top of my head before moving to the toilet, hovering over the bowl. I stick my fingers down my throat, but it takes a few tries before my body responds, and I heave the burning contents of my stomach into the toilet.
Sweat beads over my forehead when I’m done, and I flush the evidence away before sticking my head in the sink to drink the cold water falling from the faucet. The cool fluid eases my burning throat, and I guzzle it down until I feel full and bloated.
Not ready to face the boys yet, I sink to the floor and sit in a defeated heap leaning against the vanity. I know it’s only been a week since I left Ayden behind, but the pain in my heart feels like it’s been a lifetime. I can hardly handle the constant ache, and I don’t know how to make it go away.
Voices whispering on the other side of the door drag me out of my head, and I realise my face is wet with tears. Again.
“She needs help, man. More than we can give her.” Marcus’s deep voice is recognisable.
“It’s because of your fucking cousin. He’s broken her heart. I’m gonna kick his arse when he comes back.” Jared bites back.
“He’s been through a lot too, Jar. He didn’t mean what he said to her.”
“And what did he say? You haven’t exactly been forthcoming about what went down between them.” Jared sounds pissed.
“It’s not my story to tell, and you know it.” Marcus hisses.
“This is fucked. Yesterday when we found her trashing Mike’s room, it was all about that sick motherfucker. Last night when she cried herself to sleep, and tonight… well, those things are all about her broken heart, man. That’s your cousin’s doing!”
“Shit! I know. What are we meant to do? It’s killing me seeing her so broken.” Marcus sounds genuinely upset.
I can’t take hearing the pity. I feel pathetic enough as it is. Reaching up, I unlock the door, swinging it open from where I sit on the floor.
“Would you two shut up already?” My tone is flat, hardly matching the words I speak.
Their eyes widen, looking down at me. I must look a sight, but I just don’t care anymore. Jared holds out a bottle of water, and I take it eagerly, making quick work of the lid and drinking the cool liquid down.
“Sorry, Lex. I didn’t realise you were so drunk that you felt sick.” Marcus squats in front of me and pushes my hair back off my forehead. Sometime throughout the night, I must have taken my beanie off. My hair probably resembles a bird’s nest.
“I didn’t feel sick. I just want the alcohol out of my body. It’s making me a weak, whiny girl.”
Both boy’s chuckle, and Jared moves into the small space to sit on the floor next to me.
“I don’t know if you missed the memo, Lex, but you are a girl.”
“Yeah well, I’ll take angry me over sad me any day,” I utter before taking another swig of water.
Marcus joins us on the floor, sitting in front of me in the doorway.
“Angry you scares me.” He admits, and Jared chuckles and nods in agreement.
“Sorry,” I whisper, and Jared nudges my shoulder with his.
“Don’t be sorry, Lex. You do what you need to. We are here for you no matter if you are angry, sad, or happy.”
I sigh and drop my head against Jared's arm. Marcus keeps his pitying eyes on mine, and I break, letting the tears fall silently.
“My heart hurts.” It’s barely a whisper, but both Marcus and Jared hear me. Jared lifts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side, where I cry silently, while Marcus holds my hand, stroking his thumb over the back of it just like Ayden used to. That makes me cry even more.
We sit
