“Thanks for saying that, Lex. Sometimes I wonder if I’m a fuckup.”
“Why would you think that?” My frown is so deep that I can feel the tension in my temples.
Jared shrugs, “I guess my opinion of myself isn’t that great.”
“You still think it should have been you who died in the car accident, don’t you?” I remember Jared telling me that about a year after his brother died. It was just him and me at the park near my house. Marcus had been sick and couldn’t come out, and Abbey was at some weird bible camp, so Jared and I spent the entire day together. I didn’t want him to be alone.
Jared nods at my question, his ashen hair a tousled mess, bobbing as his head moves. I desperately want to lighten the mood, so I decide to admit something to him.
“I wanted to kiss you the day you told me that.”
“What?” Jared sits up quickly, looking down at me with his intense blue eyes. Looking up at him like this, I can see the boy I grew up with hidden underneath the manly features overtaking his body. His eyes are the same shade of blue they’ve always been, but his eye shape isn’t as round as it used to be. Maybe it’s because he frowns more these days. His bone structure is sharper now; a chiselled chin sits more prominent than his boyish one did. He also has the faintest blonde stubble framing his jawline. He’s buff. Jesus, when did he get so buff? How did I miss that?
“Uh-yeah, I had a crush on you. This probably makes me a bad person, but I was secretly glad that Marcus was sick that day because I got you to myself.” I feel my cheeks heat at the admission and hate that my blush has made an appearance for someone other than Ayden.
“Jesus! Fuck! Mother-fucking prick!”
“Uh… say what?” I’m confused at Jared’s outburst.
He rakes a hand through his hair, and I sit up too. “Fuck, Lexi! I should have made a move that day because I wanted to kiss you too, but I knew how Marcus felt about you, so I didn’t.”
I laugh, and he shakes his head in frustration.
“I lost my chance, I guess.” He looks hopeful at me like he wants me to tell him he hasn’t lost his chance. I hate that I have to let him down.
“Yep, you sure did.” I slap him on the shoulder and get up from the floor, trying to pretend like this conversation hasn’t affected me.
“I call fucking dibs when you’re ready to move on from Ay…”
“Don’t say his name!” I lean down and slap my hand over his mouth.
Jared grins behind my hand and then darts his tongue out, licking my palm. I squeal in disgust, ripping my hand away to wipe it on his shoulder, causing him to laugh again.
The rest of the night is a mixture of reminiscing and laughter, and it feels so good. We sleep in the living room again with the glow of the TV lighting the room, just the way I’ve become accustomed to. This time we both sleep on the floor next to each other, under our own blankets.
I wake early on Monday morning with anxiety pulling me from sleep. Today is the day I return to school. It’s the date I agreed I would return when I spoke with the new Acting Principal. The other condition of my return is that I visit with the school counsellor every week. I tried to get out of that one, but Principal Rogan was very insistent and wouldn’t budge on the idea, so I reluctantly agreed.
I know today is going to be a shit show. Not only am I facing everyone after my secret and shame aired on the news, but Tasha is out for my blood, and my best friend has joined her ranks. I have no idea what’s going on with Abbey, but I no longer feel sad about her betrayal. I feel pissed.
Last night, Jared told me he and Garrett bailed Abbey’s boyfriend, Daniel, up at school last week wanting answers because Abbey has refused to tell them anything. Daniel was tight-lipped and said it wasn’t any of his business or theirs, and then Jared had to hold Garrett back from punching Daniel. I kind of wish he had let him now. Something is going on, and being left in the dark about it contributes to my anxiety.
I quietly get ready for school while Jared sleeps, slipping into my uptight, formal uniform and pulling my hair back into a not so polished ponytail. Using concealer and a little foundation, I attempt to cover the bruising hoping to appear not like the walking dead with the dark shadows under my eyes. I use a little mascara to wake my eyes and a dusting of bronzer on my cheeks to add some colour. The end result is a natural look, and knowing there’s not much else I can do to fix my appearance, I head to the kitchen for my morning coffee, which is where Jared finds me once he wakes.
“Nervous?” He asks, finding himself a mug to make his own coffee. I just nod.
“We got you. You know that, right?” I nod at his question again.
“Can I have a blow job?”
I turn and glare at him, and he shrugs.
“Well, you were nodding at everything I said. It was worth a try.” He grins, and I’m helpless not to smile back.
“Go get ready, loser.” I roll my eyes at him, and he smiles again, giving my cheek a peck before taking his coffee into my mum’s room to get ready.
While I wait, I check my emails to see if there’s anything from Abbey. Still nothing. I need to accept that she isn’t going to reply to me. I need to remember that she hung up
