We hadn’t booked anything else yet, but we needed to get a wriggle on really, I still needed to arrange holiday and cancel the time I’d originally booked off in September, but firstly I thought we needed to tell everyone else we had invited. Edward was so laid back about it, but I definitely wasn’t. Maybe we needed to book abroad and sort out the date of the party, so we could say to people we have cancelled this wedding but you are invited to the party instead on such and such a date. I thought I would sell my wedding dress too as Edward would need to help me into it, so it wouldn’t have the same reaction, plus it was a bit dramatic for Vegas, if that was where we went and I didn’t fancy lugging that through the airport as it would not fit in a suitcase and I would have to take it as carry on. I felt a bit numb about it all, like it hadn’t sunk in yet.
The responses I had got so far when we cancelled the venue etcetera had been very empathetic, which I was surprised about, but actually this was quite a big thing to decide, I suppose, and not a decision that had been made lightly. It was funny how many people actually knew we were getting married in September, as for the next few weeks I constantly had people saying not long to go until the big day. I had actually found it hilarious telling them it had been cancelled and seeing their shocked faces and them not knowing what to say. I had been cruel and left it a little while before saying that we were still getting married, we were not just not doing the whole big British wedding thing; now we were going to do it for ourselves.
January and February
January was nearing its end and my new year’s resolution was to communicate more about how I felt.
We were still no further forward with a decision as to what we are going to do. But what would be would be. What was the right thing to do? If I had a pound for every time a family member asked any more news, I think I would have been able to pay off the original planned wedding. I still hadn’t decided whether to sell my dress. When I spoke to Edward about it he said don’t do it yet, just in case we get married here. Not knowing if I would be wearing my dress? Should I just sell it now? I know there was so much going on now that it was difficult to set a date again. It was a new year. I thought this would be a better year, but it started shit, to say the least. When the clock struck midnight and fireworks were going off in the neighbourhood, I thought this was going to be our year.
I spoke too soon. Every day lately there seemed to be a story on the news about someone who was killed tragically or died suddenly for no apparent reason and you thought it was sad and felt so sorry for the family and friends they had left behind, but because you didn’t know the person they seemed so far away that you never thought it would happen to you. In January reality had hit me that things do happen to people you care about, as my dad had a huge lump come up on his face, it had been there a while but was not as noticeable as it was now. The next few weeks he was in and out of hospital. He even was talking about his funeral plans and what songs he wanted played.
For the first time in my life, I realised that my parents wouldn’t be around forever, and this scared the shit out of me.
Luckily my dad was okay and after numerous tests and surgery they removed a tumour which thankfully was benign. But this may have not been the case. This brought me and mum closer again as although she and my dad were no longer together, she still cared for him. We were a family and they stick together and I needed my mum and dad more than ever now.
I knew me and Edward needed to make a decision, I wanted my mum and dad to see me married and settled I needed some happy news as all this year so far had been doom and gloom; life was way too short and I’d only just realised.
So…we are getting married in seven weeks’ time. Yep, I know literally made the decision overnight. I had just been casually looking at holidays to Vegas as we had a week off in April, so I just asked Edward outright, how about getting married then? To get married in this country it was a bit of a palaver. You had to find a register office, give at least twenty-eight days’ notice, and also book an appointment to give notice of marriage with identification. We thought this would be cutting it a bit fine here as we still would have to find a venue at this short notice, so abroad would need to be the way forward. We could actually go to Vegas for five nights for a reasonable amount of money a lot cheaper than having a wedding here? Also, we could have five whole days of fun, rather than one long day that goes by in a flash. Of course, the downside was short notice, so it would only be us that could go, but I would rather all or nothing and at the end of
