Fuck!
This is making sense now. I don’t want it to, especially after this shit week, the fact that I’m fucking pregnant with his fucking baby, but suddenly I know that what Everly is saying is real. It’s real. It’s why he’s been pulling away.
Because he’s found someone else.
Oh my god.
I turn around and punch the locker next to me, hard.
Ow! It hurts like hell. Why did I do that?
“Shay!” Everly cries out. “Don’t hurt yourself. He’s not worth it.”
“How could he do this to me?” I cry softly, shaking out my fist, aware that people are looking at me. “And her! She was supposed to be our friend. My friend! That stupid skanky bitch!”
“Yeah, well, I called it after she started dating Jeff. Too bad I don’t feel sorry for him.”
I can’t believe it. Tears rush to my eyes, my chest feels like it’s going to close off all the air. I need to get out of here. I can’t be here anymore.
“I’m going home,” I tell her, trying to keep the tears from falling. I grab my backpack and slam the locker shut, my hands shaking as I get the lock on. “I’ll walk.”
“I’ll drive you,” she says, putting her arm around me.
“You can’t skip English. You’re failing.”
“Just watch me. You’re my best friend Shay, I’m not leaving you at a time like this.”
I sigh, feeling so much sadness choking me but grateful for Everly.
It isn’t until we’re getting in her car that I say through my tears, “Well, since you’re my best friend, there’s something else I need to tell you. Something that happened to me this week.”
“What?”
And then I fill her in on the pregnancy tests.
And then about how my relationship with Anders was silently disintegrating over the last few months.
And that I still haven’t told him.
Not sure that I’m going to now.
In fact, I never want to see him again.
But when Everly comes over and we order pizza with Hannah, when we’re talking in my room later about everything, Everly gets a text from Jenny Bishop.
There’s a party tonight at Doug Campbell’s house right now.
And Anders is there.
I jump to my feet and immediately head to my closet.
“What are you doing?” Everly says.
“I’m finding the hottest dress I own,” I tell her, riffling through, rage and revenge thrumming through me. “And then we’re going to that party.”
“Shay,” she says carefully. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re pregnant.”
I whip around and look at her. “That’s the excuse? I’m pregnant? You don’t have to come. But I’m going. I’m going to tell him we’re through and that I know. I’m going to make sure everyone knows what a lying, cheating douchebag he is.”
Everly sighs, looking down at the carpet for a moment. Then she looks up at me and shrugs. “Fine. Can I borrow a dress?”
The both of us attack my closet again, looking for the perfect things to wear. Everly is smaller than me, both in weight and in height, but I have a black bodycon dress I got from Wet Seal that fits her just fine. I decide to go for something as equally curve-hugging, my yellow satin halter top paired with my yellow heels and dark skinny jeans. I have a fairly large chest that I like to keep under wraps, but Anders was in love with my boobs, so I figure I might as well show them off while I can and make him regret losing me like this.
I’m in the bathroom, adjusting my top, when I’m suddenly hit with the enormity of what’s happening. I nearly collapse to the floor, I have to hold onto the edge of the sink to keep me up.
He cheated on me.
Anders had sex with a friend of mine.
He got naked in front of her. She got naked in front of him. They were together, his dick was inside of her. He made her moan, maybe even made her come. He definitely came. He was intimate with her in the ways that he was only supposed to be with me. I thought he loved me. I thought I was special to him. He always called me his sparrow, this bird he felt so lucky to hold in the palm of his hand, and all he did was lure me to him, keep me trapped, then close his hand over me until I was crushed.
I didn’t even notice. Didn’t even notice what he was doing to me. I knew he had pulled away, I felt the cold and the distance, but I just hoped it was something we could work through. That we would come back together like before, but stronger. I gave him space because I wanted to be the perfect girlfriend, the one he would love forever. I did everything right.
And he didn’t care. He used me. Used my heart. Used my body.
And now I’m fucking knocked up. I’m actually pregnant with his baby and…I don’t want to tell him. I’m not going to tell him. I’m getting an abortion and that’s that. It’s going to be awful and I’m so fucking scared but I can’t give birth to this baby, especially if I know he’s not even going to be around. There was a tiny, itty-bitty part of me that thought maybe, just maybe, if I told him I was pregnant, that he would want me to keep the baby, that I would for him, thinking that we would be in it together.
I know. It was a stupid part of me, and in a way I’m glad that the awful news got delivered in such a devastating way, because I realize how terrible that would be. Sure, maybe it works for other teen moms and they turn out okay, but for all I know Anders would skip town and head back to Norway if he
