“What? Without even seeing a picture of the other person?”
Jennifer shuffles through my questionnaire until she reaches a specific page. “You stated physical appearance is not a critical aspect for you.”
“Well, it isn’t, but I thought I’d—”
“We prefer to send our clients to a meeting unbiased. Don’t worry, Mr. Keller, we do the legwork for you and only propose compatible dates. It’s how our model works, and also why we can offer a partial refund to clients who haven’t found a match within five dates. It rarely happens.”
Five blind dates. Sounds like my worst nightmare come true. And on top of that, I’m paying for the privilege… and a hefty amount, at that.
Once Jennifer escorts me back to the reception, Teresa is free to make me sign the contract and put a significant dent in my finances.
With a wallet considerably lighter, and in a darker mood than when I arrived, I’m about to leave the agency… when Medusa walks in.
Her eyes immediately narrow as they lock on mine, and her lips curl in a teasing grin. She doesn’t even say “hello” before launching into a head-on attack. “You didn’t waste any time, I see. Are you that afraid of losing?”
“You’re not too far behind.”
Medusa advances on me and stops a few inches short so that when she talks again only I can hear. “Yes, I’m eager to find a partner.” Being this close to her, I’m able to smell her for the first time. An annoyingly pleasant scent of vanilla and patchouli. “Seeing you gone will be the cherry on my wedding cake.” Then, raising her tone to normal once more, she adds, “Have a good day.”
“You, too,” I snap, and storm out of the agency.
My sole consolation is knowing she’ll be stuck answering stupid questions for the next thirty minutes, while I’ll be outside enjoying a pleasant walk back to the office in the midday sun.
Seven
Vivian
After that horrible man leaves, I introduce myself to the receptionist, Teresa, who hands me a questionnaire to fill out. I take the rigid folder from her, excited. Surveys are a quirk of mine. I love answering questions. I’ve probably answered all the personality quizzes on Facebook.
From discovering what Disney princess I am: Belle. To what job I should do: Designer. That was a funny one; I’m the least artistic person I know. To what Friends character I am: Rachel, of course. To who my TV boyfriend should be: Jim Halpert from The Office. Mmm, I wasn’t convinced about that one. I would’ve preferred to get Jon Hamm from Mad Men… which is probably why I’m sitting in a dating agency at age thirty-four. Because I have terrible taste in men, and only go for the bad boys who like to have their fun and then leave me alone with a daughter to raise. But I digress.
I sit in one of the blue leather chairs of the reception area and start working on the agency quiz—err, questionnaire.
5. What is your current relationship status?
♡ Never married
♡ Divorced
♡ Separated
♡ Widowed
Oh, how sweet that they picked hearts instead of those boring square boxes for their multiple-choice answers! They’re so cute. Still, no matter how nice the lettering, the question stings. I mark “never married” while my chest squeezes with unwanted memories of my nineteen-year-old self. Of the day I went to tell Tegan’s father I was pregnant, thinking he’d offer right away to marry me and to build a family together. Guess how that one turned out.
Whatever. Water under the bridge.
I shake the past away and concentrate on the present—the future. I’m being insanely optimistic about joining Leslie’s agency, but I have a good feeling about this. Love is waiting for me. If my best friend found her future husband this way, why shouldn’t I?
I’m here for the right reasons.
Contrary to Shrek, the thought pops into my head. I’m sure the only reason he was here today is because he’s obsessed with getting my corner office. Soppy romantic? Don’t make me laugh. Whatever poor woman he gets paired with will hopefully call his bluff right away like I did. And besides, good things come to the honest. I’m definitely going to find a match before he does.
Are you? the pessimist in me asks. New York is saturated with single gals looking for an eligible bachelor. And Lucas is single, has a good job, most certainly doesn’t live with his parents… The city is full of great-unmarried women but lacking in great-unmarried men.
Well, Lucas can’t be that great if his ex walked out on him. Must be that awful temper of his.
Anyway, enough about Shrek. I’m not here because of him. Okay, maybe I’m here a teeny bit because of him, but only to preserve the business I have built with years of sacrifices. I needed a way to get him to move out, and he offered it to me on a silver plate. It’s nothing personal; at least, not for me.
Right, let’s move on with the questions.
6. Do you have children?
Yes, I have a teenage daughter, Tegan, she’s fifteen.
7. Aside from any children you or your new partner may already have, would you like to start a new family?
Yes, I’ve always wanted to give Tegan a sibling. I’m only sorry the age gap between them will be so wide.
8. Are you open to dating someone who already has children?
Of course, dating a father would be ideal. I wouldn’t have to explain all the difficulties of being a single parent to him, and the family would grow right away. The more the merrier, right?
I turn another page and find more multiple-choice questions. Those are the most fun to answer.
9. Are you a morning person or a night person?
♡ Morning person
♡ Night Owl
♡ It depends
I tick night owl. I always have trouble getting to sleep at night, but once I hit that REM cycle I could stay in bed forever.
10. How active would you say you are?
♡ Very, staying fit is important
♡ I only exercise because I have to
♡
