My daughter picks up the photo from the floor. “Why aren’t you seeing him anymore?”
“It’s complicated, honey, but the bottom line is I couldn’t trust him.”
“For what it’s worth, Mom, I really like him. He’d make a great stepdad.”
This affirmation pulls on all the wrong strings and makes my heart break into even smaller pieces.
“Baby, I know he seems…” I don’t know what I want to say… Amazing? Reliable? Perfect? “Look, when I had you, I promised myself I’d never let someone I couldn’t depend on one hundred percent into our lives. I won’t make an exception for Lucas.”
“Why don’t you trust him? Is it because he didn’t show up for your second date?”
The hair at the back of my neck prickles. I never share details of my private life with my daughter, exactly because I don’t want my burdens to become hers. Especially not since Lucas is still her therapist and is helping her cope with her father’s rejection better than I could’ve ever hoped. So how does she know I was stood up? I didn’t tell her. Did he? Did he use their sessions to offload himself on her, instead of facilitating her recovery? Did Lucas put her up to this?
With a heart suddenly made of steel, I ask, “How do you know Lucas stood me up? Did the two of you discuss it?”
“No.”
“Then how?”
“Mom.” Tegan looks up, her eyes streaked with tears and big with fear. Why is she afraid? “I have to tell you something,” she continues in a wobbly voice, “but can you please promise not to send me off to boarding school?”
I stiffen on my side of the couch. “You know I can’t make that promise,” I say, trying to keep my tone even and calm. “If you have something to confess, be ready to accept the consequences.”
“Okay.” She swallows and looks back at the carpet. “Remember the night of your second date with Luke, when I told you I was going to the movies with Jesse and to maybe grab a bite to eat later?”
“Yes?”
“It was a lie. We went to a house party in the Upper East Side. Our friend Josh’s parents were away for the weekend and he and his older brother were hosting, so Jesse’s sister was invited as well.”
I grip the couch cushions to prevent myself from screaming. I want to hear the full story first, and she’ll never tell me if I start shouting. So I keep quiet as Tegan spills out the rest.
“We went on the subway together, and we agreed we’d split a cab home. When we got to Josh’s house… there was… alcohol at the party…”
I grip harder.
“I had a beer or two, and I was totally fine.”
I swear, the casualty with which Tegan says she drinks beer is killing me, but still, I remain silent.
“But then someone brought in Jell-O shots, and I know I shouldn’t have drunk those, but everyone else was, and I didn’t want to look lame, so I did a few, and I was fine at first, but after half an hour I started to get really sick so I asked Jesse and Josie to take me home.”
My heart is beating so fast it might explode.
“But Josie didn’t want to go because there was a boy she liked at the party, and Jesse does whatever her older sister tells her, you know how she is. I didn’t have enough money to pay for a cab on my own, and you don’t want me to ride the subway at night alone, and I wasn’t feeling well enough anyway.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” I manage to ask, half-choked with anxiety.
Tegan stares at me now, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Mom, you would’ve gotten so mad. You lost it last time over a single sip of vodka; what would you have done if I called drunk from a house party you had no idea I was going to?”
Okay, I would’ve probably flown off the handle. But that’s beside the point.
“So, what did you do?”
Torn with guilt, she says, “I called Luke.”
My heart breaks and heals a million times in the space of a second. Tegan was the emergency he couldn’t talk about?
“And, Mom, I made him swear not to tell you anything, or else I wouldn’t give him the address.”
The guilt of not trusting him punches me in the stomach, while my pulse accelerates further.
“And then what happened?” I ask, close to tears myself.
“Well, he dropped everything—namely you and your date—and came to get me. It wasn’t that late yet, so Luke thought he’d make it to dinner in time. But then, while we were driving home, I felt sick and we had to stop. He got me a Gatorade at a 7-Eleven, and it took me a while to be okay again. We were still in the car when he called you, but your phone was off or something. Anyway, once I was well enough to go back in the car, he brought me home, put me to bed, and made sure I was sleeping before he came to you.”
On one hand, I’m deeply touched by how he took care of my daughter. I feel like a complete idiot, and I want to run after Lucas to beg him to forgive me. On the other hand, I can’t help being furious that he’d keep such a huge secret from me. This is my daughter we’re talking about; when a teen pulls a stunt like that, it’s not okay to just put them to bed, make sure they’re all right, and leave them with no consequences.
“And that’s it? He put you to bed, and promised not to tell me anything?”
Tegan wrings her fingers. “I think Luke wanted me to realize the right
