A memory of the hurt look in his eyes when I said I couldn’t trust him haunts me. The toll to keep silent must’ve been high, at least if his feelings were as strong as mine. Are they, still? I put a pin in that thought to analyze it later. Right now, I need to deal with my daughter.
“And in the meantime, you just walked free?”
“No, Mom. I’m grounded.”
I stare at her. “I didn’t ground you.”
“Luke did.” She begins listing her punishments. “No phone, no laptop except for homework, and no going out save for volleyball games.”
I wondered why she was still using that relic of a phone I gave her, when her grounding was supposed to have ended weeks ago.
“That’s not true,” I say. “You’ve been going to the movies each Saturday for a month.”
“No, Mom, Luke has been taking me to AA meetings for endangered teens,” Tegan says this with a slight roll of her eyes, as if she still thinks everyone’s overreacting. But in my head, another penny drops.
“He’s been spending all his Saturday nights with you?”
“Yes, Mom, and he has season tickets to the Knicks, so he can’t be too happy about it.”
“Wait, so the Saturday after the party, Lucas was with you?”
“I told you, it’s part of our deal.”
My mind is racing. “So when I went to his house, he must’ve been on his way to meet you?”
“You went to see him?”
“Yes, and I made an even bigger ass of myself.” I get up, suddenly not able to sit for a second longer. “You’re grounded,” I tell Tegan. “Well, more grounded than you already are.”
She nods, resigned. “I know, Mom.”
“And we’re going to discuss everything that’s happened—”
“I’d figured…”
“—when I come back. But I need to go now.”
She follows me into the hall as I throw on a pair of Uggs over my leggings and grab my keys.
I put on my coat, open the front door, and point a finger at my daughter. “Do not leave the house for any reason.” I pause, reconsidering. “Unless there’s a fire or something.”
“Go, Mom, and don’t worry about me. I’m going to bed, and I know I won’t be allowed to go out again until I’m eighteen.”
Tegan says it half as a joke, but I tend to agree with her. It will take a long time before I’ll trust her again.
I walk down the street with a plan in mind. I have to trudge a few blocks before I find a place that’s still open this late, but I finally succeed.
Armed with the best please-forgive-me bribe a woman can have, I hail a free cab and give the driver Lucas’ address.
Thirty-one
Lucas
When the buzzer of my apartment goes off, I’m already in bed, busy not sleeping and staring at the ceiling, wallowing in my usual cloud of self-despair.
The alarm clock on the bedside table informs me it’s almost midnight. Who would ring me this late at night? A neighbor who forgot his keys?
I get up, walk into the living room, and press the intercom button. “Yes?”
“I have a delivery,” a weird voice says from the other side. I can’t tell if it’s male or female.
“You have the wrong apartment. I didn’t order anything.”
“Are you Lucas Keller?”
“Yes?”
“Then there’s a delivery for you.”
“What is it?”
“I’m just a messenger, sir.”
“Okay, come up, I’m in apartment 4B.”
As I wait for the delivery person to arrive, I don’t open the front door, but wait behind it, spying from the peephole. A delivery at midnight for something I didn’t order? Sounds highly suspicious. It could be a robbery attempt, or a prank, or…
My eyes bulge.
Or it could be Vivian, looking entirely scruffy-dressed and messy-haired but none the less beautiful as she walks down the hall carrying a small box in her hands.
I throw the door open. “Did you just pretend to be a delivery guy?”
She jumps back, frightened at my sudden appearance, but recovers quickly. “I didn’t pretend.” Vivian shows me the box. “I have a delivery for you.”
“So you didn’t change your voice.”
“The intercom must have a strong distortion.”
I cross my arms and lean against the doorframe, as Max peeks curiously from between my legs.
“And what’s in the bag, Miss I’m Just a Messenger, sir?”
“Donuts,” she says.
“Who would send me a box of donuts so late at night?”
She gets closer, but not too close. “Someone who’s really sorry she couldn’t trust you when she should have and wants to apologize?”
With an outstretched leg, I stop Max from running into the hall to cover Vivian in doggy kisses—which, to be honest, is what I’d like to do right now. Well, maybe not the doggy part.
I try to keep cool as I say, “Tegan finally confessed?”
“Yes, and Lucas, I’m sorry for the way I reacted, but it really did make no sense you’d have to work on a Saturday night. I’m a lawyer, remember? I need facts and logic. And neither was adding up, so I panicked. The last time I gave myself completely to someone—”
“I’m nothing like that man,” I cut her off.
“I know you aren’t. You’ve been more of a father to Tegan in the past two months than he has all her life. But being with him left me burned… And with trust issues, I’m aware.”
I do my best to keep to my side of the hall and fight the instinct of wrapping my arms around her and kissing her.
“What if something else like this happens?” I ask. “I’m bound by doctor-patient confidentiality, Vivian, and occasionally there will be emergencies. Will you bail on me again the next time you get suspicious?”
“Well, I hope you’ll never have to go pick up my drunk daughter at a secret party ever again.” I’m about to protest, when she adds, “But even if something different happened that you couldn’t tell me about, I swear I won’t run. I can’t promise I won’t get mad, but I won’t cop out.” Vivian takes a deep breath. “I mistook you not coming to
