This feeling, it couldn’t be love.
Because if it was, then I had not only lost my mind, but I’d also lost all semblance of the person I tried so hard to be.
I got up from the bed and began to pace the room.
There were more important things in life than the emotions that I was going through. Focusing on those emotions kept me from concentrating on what was important. Like who was after me, who wanted to hurt my family.
Something nagged me in the back of my mind, something I needed to think of, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. I was so out of my depth, and I needed to find my footing.
It wasn’t easy when all I could do was close my eyes and imagine Kannon over me and me arching into him.
“And that’s enough of that.”
I ran my hands through my hair, picked up my camera, and went through a few of my photos. I flipped through the images, remembered the moment I’d stood in place to take each one.
I was the one capturing those memories, and yet I was on the other side of the lens. I was part of the moment, and yet not. That’s how I felt in every other part of my life too, like I was there but not really an integral part of what was happening around me. Part of the royal family, just so far down the hierarchy that I was only there as a stand-in until Roman finally married.
I was part of my siblings’ lives, and yet wasn’t one of the brothers, and therefore always on the outside looking in.
I was part of my country, and yet mostly just a symbol for them.
I was part of the world, and yet apart. Watching, waiting, asking to be let in, knowing I would never be.
I couldn’t take that step forward and push my way through, because if I did, it might irrevocably harm others around me.
Look at what had happened once I left the confines of my country. Bullets had come at me, but not just at me.
Kannon’s team was in danger because they were protecting me.
How could I go into the real world and pretend that I could keep others safe?
The fact that those words echoed something Kannon had said didn’t escape me.
Kannon.
The one man I couldn’t have.
Not because he didn’t have the right bloodlines. Not because my family wouldn’t approve.
He was just as growly and grumbly as my brothers. They would probably welcome him with open arms after they interrogated him and kicked him around a bit just for good measure.
Because that’s what big brothers did.
But no, Kannon had loved before. He had been broken.
And he felt like all that was left was a shell. Though the shell that had been left behind wasn’t substantial enough to venture far into the world. He was here to protect. He was there for others.
But not for himself.
And therefore, not for me.
There was a light knock on my door.
Assuming it was Sparrow, I called out, “Come in.”
The door opened, and I set down my camera. My words caught in my throat as Kannon walked into the bedroom, his hands running a towel over his head, his body glistening with water from the shower.
I licked my lips and swallowed hard as my gaze trailed down his body, over his thick chest, his narrow hips. That little line of hair that went from his bellybutton and disappeared below the waistband of his jeans.
He was barefoot, his feet sexy and tan.
He had left the button undone on his jeans, and they were open just enough that I knew he wasn’t wearing any underwear, and the coarse hair that shadowed his cock was barely visible. The long, thick line of his erection bulged beneath the zipper, and I could see a very noticeable line that visibly grew at my heated attention.
I swallowed hard and licked my lips again, and Kannon let out a rough chuckle.
“Do you think you can pull your eyes off my cock long enough to meet my gaze?” Kannon asked, his voice deep.
I flushed.
His gaze raked over me just the same, and I knew he was picturing me naked.
After all, he had already seen and touched and tasted every inch of me.
Why shouldn’t I enjoy the feast in front of me?
“We’re not going to talk?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Kannon, I—”
“Got what you wanted, so you took off?”
“That’s not what happened, and you know that. I just needed to breathe, and I couldn’t do that in your bed.”
“So instead of talking to me, you bolted?”
He had a point. “I’m sorry. I just have no idea what I’m supposed to do right now. I’ve never been impulsive. I’ve never felt…anything like this before. I don’t have any answers, and I have no idea what to do.”
He lifted a brow. “I didn’t think you’d tell me the truth.”
“Well right now, it’s all I have.” I didn’t like the way simply telling the truth made me feel bare.
“I’ll tell you another truth. We want each other. And we’re spinning out about what that means. It doesn’t need to mean anything. I’m not going to ruin your life, and my life is already in ashes. But we can’t seem to stay away from each other. While we’re here, we stop fighting. It’s fucking exhausting.”
I swallowed hard. “I—I’ve never had a one-night stand before.”
“And that’s not what this is. Can you stay away from me? Or do you feel the pull right now?”
“I shifted on my feet and spoke the truth. “I feel it.”
“Good. Me too. Now, do you want to keep fighting, or do you want to give in?”
“I—” God, for once in my life how good would it feel to not worry about doing what was expected? “I want you.”
His gaze was molten lava on mine then he dropped the towel and shrugged so casually I nearly swooned.
Damn the man, using his sex appeal to cloud my thoughts.
I wasn’t thinking
