“I have to admit, I never thought Spencer would settle down. Seriously. Not ever.”
Zayn glanced Felix’s way at the confession. He fought the urge to admit Felix wasn’t witnessing it now. Zayn couldn’t force his tongue to shape the words, admitting they were over. Instead, he went with the next best thing.
“Me neither.”
Zayn went back to staring at Spencer with all the longing in his heart. Spencer looked his way, as if he felt Zayn watching him. Heat passed between them. Zayn had to take a breath. There was no way Spencer still wanted him after everything that happened.
Felix stood. “I think I’ll go find my husband.”
“Okay.” Zayn couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t like Zayn was very good company today... or any day, for that matter. He never had anything to talk about. No one understood how conscious he was of literally having nothing to say. Unhappiness washed over him like a tsunami. With his gaze averted from Spencer, Zayn stood and headed for the door. No one tried stopping him. Halfway home, he decided he didn’t want to go back to the silence. Instead, he changed directions and headed for town. It wasn’t until he sat inside the same restaurant where everything started with Spencer that he wished he had gone home.
At a table catercorner to his, the same fucking obnoxious heart surgeon sat with some blond guy. The poor kid looked barely out of high school and obviously had no idea the shithead doctor took every man there. It was better to be lonely. Zayn dropped the money for his drink and a tip on the table and headed out. It wasn’t like he was ever hungry anymore. In fact, Zayn couldn’t recall the last time he had eaten. His phone buzzed on the way to his car. Zayn checked the face.
Mom: Did you leave without your date?
Zayn: No.
He turned off his phone for good measure. Zayn was tired of being available for people and things that weren’t available for him. He drove home on autopilot. The moment he was inside the safety of his home and away from prying eyes, Zayn settled on his couch with his laptop. It was time to go somewhere. He hadn’t traveled in a while. There was nothing stopping him from spending the next year or so seeing the world. He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought to just go before now. Zayn could see it all. Maybe happiness was out there somewhere, and he was missing it. A movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Zayn turned to tell Rocky his plan.
“What do you think about...”
Jinx stood with Rocky at his back.
“You have a visitor,” Rocky said unnecessarily.
Jinx gave him a small nervous-looking wave. “Hi. Sorry to drop by unannounced. I didn’t have your number.”
Rocky slithered away as Zayn sat forward and set his laptop on the coffee table. “That’s fine. Come in. I’ve been meaning to check on you, but I don’t have your number either.”
Jinx moved farther inside the room. With his hands shoved in the pockets of his hoodie, he still tried motioning around the room. “You have an amazing place.”
“Thank you. Would you like to sit down?”
Even though he moved gingerly, as if unsure of his welcome, Jinx still sat on the opposite end of the couch. “Thank you for the arrangement you sent. Mom loved getting flowers. She would’ve been thrilled.”
A wave of fresh sadness washed over Zayn. His mom didn’t have much to do with him, but it would break his heart if she passed. “I’m sorry for your loss. It has to be a nightmare.”
Jinx nodded. “I’m definitely ready to wake up now.” He shifted uncomfortably as he stared at a spot over Zayn’s shoulder. “I dropped by to apologize.”
Jinx’s claim caught Zayn off balance. “For what?”
Jinx made another gesture with his hands in his pockets. “For everything, I guess. Mom was sick for a long time and had been getting worse for a while. I knew she didn’t have much time left, and Spencer is really the only person I’ve had to lean on. When he started dating you, I guess I became a bit territorial. I don’t know how to explain it, but it should’ve never happened. Spencer is just my boss, and I get I ruined your relationship. I’m just... miserably lonely, I suppose.”
Zayn’s throat burned. For a moment, he swore he looked at himself. “You didn’t ruin anything. It probably looks that way. God knows I’ve felt like the worst person on the planet since I know Spencer probably thinks that leaving with you is why I’m done. It’s not.” Zayn glanced around, trying desperately to find a place to start. “It’s... sitting in that goddamn pottery class alone when it was his idea to begin with. It’s every time he made plans with me and didn’t show. He booked a gig on my birthday when we had plans, for fuck’s sake. I mean, I completely understand that he needs to make money, but I’m just...”
“Incredibly lonely,” Jinx finished for him.
Zayn’s shoulders fell.
They sat in silence.
After a few minutes passed, Jinx nodded toward the laptop. “Are you going on a trip?”
Zayn shrugged. “I guess. I’m always alone anyhow. There’s nothing stopping me from being by myself in a new location.”
Jinx looked around. “No offense, but your place seems cold as hell. I’ve been here five minutes, and I feel isolated as fuck. Don’t you own a TV or something?”
A laugh burst from Zayn. “This is supposed to be my tranquil room. Would you like to see the rest of the house? It’s not as quiet.”
Jinx lit, and suddenly, Zayn didn’t feel quite so alone. It hit him how young Jinx was and how horrible life was for him right now. Jinx needed a little distraction. Zayn’s money was good
