Eight
The shock ebbed a hair as Rocky stared at the wall. It had taken a few hours of sitting alone in his private living room, but reality slowly returned. He didn’t like it. The truth was ugly. Rocky had fucked up everything. That was no easy feat, but Rocky had figured out how to do it. Oddly, he wasn’t surprised about losing Hudson. Hudson had always been a dream. Jinx, though, Rocky hadn’t thought he could lose him. It wasn’t that Jinx was more in his league than Hudson. He wasn’t. But Jinx was more loyal than most people and usually saw beyond Rocky’s bullshit. Not tonight. Tonight, Rocky had gone too far. Rocky had searched every place he could think to look without luck. Jinx was nowhere to be found. Finally, he had come home, praying Jinx would be here. He wasn’t. He was gone.
Jinx’s expression wouldn’t leave Rocky’s mind. Rocky had leveled him. He had known Jinx wanted to get married someday. Jinx had stayed with Rocky, even though he knew Rocky didn’t want to be anyone’s husband. Rocky had spit in the face of that sacrifice. The betrayal had been too much. Rocky felt sick. He had hurt someone he was supposed to protect. Rocky didn’t know if he could live with that. Then there was Hudson.
Rocky had known there was something wrong with Hudson. Something Rocky’s love couldn’t fix. But Rocky was an emotional repairman, and he had to try to make everyone happy. He had destroyed Jinx to pull Hudson away from the edge and lost them both in his effort. Rocky didn’t know where to go with the pain. Hudson needed him, and Rocky couldn’t be there. The helplessness choked him. Jinx was out there somewhere, thinking the worst of Rocky. Hudson believed Rocky would fuck over Jinx to be with him. Rocky wanted to smash everything he owned in a fit of rage. His skin crawled with the need to do something. To fix everything. Rocky didn’t know where to start.
“This dude is here to see you.”
Rocky startled as Cooper’s voice cut through his inner panic. Since Cooper was still jumpy and unsure of his place, Rocky tried tempering his reaction as he looked the kid’s way. A gigantic Tito stood at Cooper’s back, looking like a finely dressed thug dwarfing the tiny blond.
“Thanks, Cooper.”
Cooper smiled like he had been given the highest of praises. “No problem.” He cast a quick glance Tito’s way before scurrying away. Tito didn’t wait for an invitation. He chose a chair and sat.
“Jinx sent me.”
Rocky’s spine gave out at just the sound of Jinx’s name, leaving him no choice but to lean back in his chair. “Is he okay?”
Tito nodded. “Hudson went after him. He convinced Jinx to come home. Jinx made Hudson take his meds.” Tito paused, as if torn over whether he should speak. His loyalty to Hudson couldn’t be clearer. Finally, he met Rocky’s stare as if determined to power through. “He’s bipolar 1, so he might crash after this manic episode or he might not. Nine times out of ten, he’s fine after the episodes pass, but this was a big one.”
“Thanks to me for stressing him out,” Rocky guessed.
Tito flashed him a humorless smile, proving Rocky’s thoughts were right. “It’s not all you. He stopped taking his meds about three months ago. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but I’m just an employee.”
Rocky wanted to argue that wasn’t true, but he was in the same boat with Zayn. If he worried about anything Zayn did, he could argue and fuss, but in the end, he was just an employee. “I’m glad Jinx got him to take his meds.”
Tito nodded. “Me too.” He cleared his throat and glanced around the room, as if uncomfortable with having this conversation, but Tito pressed on. “Like I said, Jinx asked me to come by and update you. Hudson is refusing to talk about what happened, so Jinx was afraid to call until after this episode passes. He needs to get Hudson calm, but he understands you didn’t know and probably freaked when you saw Hudson in a full-blown attack.”
Rocky’s throat tried swelling closed. They were still over, nonetheless. “I understand.”
“Try not to worry. Hudson has fired me countless times over the years. I just stopped paying attention and refuse to leave. He’s usually over it by the time hallucinations end.”
Rocky swiped his hand over his eyes. Everything was so much worse than he had known. Hudson hallucinated. That sounded terrible. His babies were suffering, and Rocky couldn’t be there to help. “I don’t know what to do.” The confession slipped out before Rocky could think better of speaking.
Tito nodded. “I know. It’s hard being the strong one. I’ve been dealing with this for years, but there’s a reason I brought Hudson to Jinx the night he tried swan diving from the balcony. Jinx wears his every emotion on his sleeve. That’s what drew Hudson to him. Hudson knows Jinx won’t judge him for being human.”
“And he
