Tito shook his head. “It’s not that. You’re the strong one. He can’t talk about what happened today for the same reason he fires me once a month. It makes him feel weak and broken to be seen like this by someone like us. He needs you because you’re the strong one, but Jinx needs Hudson even when Hudson can’t be strong. Jinx never sees him as weak.”
“I don’t see him as weak.” The words sounded angry even to Rocky’s ears. He couldn’t help it. The helplessness crippled him and pissed him off. He hated Hudson thought badly of him.
“I know you don’t. This will pass. He’ll need you when it’s over.”
Rocky wasn’t as sure. It sounded to him like Hudson needed Jinx and Rocky was in the way. Jinx had obviously known Hudson was bipolar. Rocky hadn’t. Jinx could keep Hudson doing what he needed to do to stay healthy. Rocky was just some guy who had gotten really, really lucky to hold the sun and stars for a while. Now he needed to move aside so they could flourish without him holding them back.
Rocky took a steadying breath. “Thanks for keeping me posted. I would have paced the floor all night.”
A humorless chuckle rumbled from Tito. “Don’t lie. You’ll still walk the floor all night.”
A smile Rocky didn’t feel stretched his lips. “Yeah. I suppose I will.” But he would have to get over it, eventually. Hudson and Jinx weren’t his anymore. He had to let them go so they could thrive.
Tito stood and patted Rocky’s shoulder before leaving him alone. He heard voices rumble in the hall but couldn’t make out the words. Rocky wasn’t surprised when Cooper slipped silently into the chair Tito had abandoned. Cooper spent most of his nights quietly sitting with Rocky and Jinx—like he was scared they would disappear if he let them out of his sight.
Tonight, Cooper found his voice. “Is Jinx cheating on you?”
A smile Rocky didn’t feel snapped to his lips. It was obvious Cooper had been eavesdropping. “No. It’s complicated.”
“Oh.” Cooper stared at him in silence for a few seconds before digging for more. “Was he cheating on this Hudson guy with you?”
“No. The three of us were together.”
Cooper’s mouth fell open. “Like together, together, and you knew about it?”
A laugh burst from Rocky. “To be honest, I don’t know how to explain it to anyone else. The three of us spent time together and fell in love with one another. We decided we didn’t care what people thought, and yeah. We were a throuple.”
Cooper nodded. He looked engrossed. “Where has this Hudson been?”
“On tour.”
“You mean he’s famous.” Cooper nearly screeched the words.
Rocky smiled at Cooper’s shock. “Yeah. He’s pretty famous.”
“Would I know him?”
Rocky shrugged. “I guess that depends on what kind of music you like. It’s Hudson Vincent.”
Cooper shot forward in his seat. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re dating Hudson fucking Vincent?”
Rocky’s smile fell. “Not anymore.”
“Oh.” Cooper’s excitement visibly drained away. He sat back. “They kicked you out of the band.”
A lump formed in Rocky’s throat. “I think I kicked myself out of the band by being stupid.”
Cooper toyed with the hem of his shirt, twisting it and stretching the material. “What did you do?”
Rocky swallowed down the pain. “I asked Hudson to marry me.”
Cooper visibly swallowed. When he spoke, his voice sounded small and hurt. “You wanted to shut out Jinx. Why? He’s so nice, and he talks about you like you’re the love of his life. I don’t understand.”
Rocky didn’t know what to say. He didn’t understand either. Hudson had been unreachable. Rocky thought he could save him. Instead, he had hurt everyone. Tito was right. Hudson needed Jinx. Rocky had always been alone. He could go back to that. Hudson wouldn’t make it without Jinx. Rocky loved them. That meant getting out of the way. Loving them enough to let them go. Cooper still stared at him, waiting patiently for an answer.
Rocky said the only truth that mattered now. “Like I said, I’m dumb.” Rocky looked away. The whys didn’t matter now. He had lost everything. There was no going back. Hudson and Jinx were better off without him. That was that.
Jinx: Hudson is sleeping. You should come back so we can talk.
Rocky: I’m glad he’s getting some sleep. I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Jinx: I’m sorry I lost my temper. Please don’t let that be the thing that ruins us.
Rocky: You didn’t do anything wrong. I did. Please, just be happy. Hudson needs you.
Jinx: And I need you.
Rocky: No, you don’t. You should go cuddle with Hudson. He might not be in his right mind when he wakes up. You should be there for him.
Jinx: Who’ll be there for you?
Rocky: Don’t worry about me. Just be happy.
Jinx: Please don’t make me beg.
Rocky: Don’t. Just get some sleep. Hudson needs you and he won’t let me be there. I need you to love him enough for the both of us. Give him a life I can’t.
Jinx: Stop talking like we’re over. You’re breaking my heart.
Rocky: I’m breaking mine too. I love you both. Be happy.
For longer than he cared to admit, Jinx stared at his phone, silently begging Rocky to text him again. To call. Anything. Mostly, he wanted a sign they weren’t over. Nothing happened.
“He won’t come back.”
Hudson’s claim had Jinx scrambling to put his phone away and cuddle with Hudson. “No. He won’t come back.”
On their sides, they stared into each other’s eyes. Only the light spilling from the bathroom illuminated the room enough for Jinx to see Hudson’s clear gaze. He was doing better, except now there was pain in Hudson’s expression. “It’s my fault.”
Jinx shook his head. “It’s not. It’s mine. I got my feelings hurt and stormed out. I didn’t know you were having an episode. He probably didn’t know how to react.”
“I should’ve told him. I just didn’t want to look weak in his eyes.”
Jinx stroked Hudson’s cheek.
