He winced. ‘It was never as man and wife. I told you it was only sex. I feel nothing for her. I never have. She was obliging, undemanding, uncomplicated–’
’Stop. I don’t want to listen to her many virtues.’
Douglas sighed. ‘I’m trying to explain, Evie. After Felicity, who shuddered every time I came near her, Nayla… I mean the Malayan woman… was easy and relaxed. It meant as little to her as it did to me. Just physical pleasure.’ He looked away. ‘God, Evie, it’s bloody hard telling you all this.’
‘Swearing won’t make it any easier And if it’s hard telling it, I can promise you it’s much harder having to listen to it.’
‘I’m sorry. Anyway, after Felicity died, I knew I needed a wife. One I could be seen with in company. A mother for my children. I thought marrying you was an arrangement that would suit us both – and I was very straight with you from the start. You have to give me that much.’
‘Oh yes. You were certainly straight. Brutally so.’
He looked ashamed. ‘But gradually I realised I was beginning to feel for you. I didn’t know how to deal with that. I hadn’t expected it. I was afraid. Scared of my own emotions. I didn’t know what to do.’
‘You didn’t know what to do? How about telling me? How about showing me?’
Doug’s voice was choked. ‘I nearly did. I tried. That night you told me about the baby. I didn’t know how to tell you I cared for you. The only other person I’ve loved was my my mother. After she died, my feelings died with her. I don’t know why I couldn’t say those words to you.’ He stopped, looking at her hands. ‘You aren’t wearing the ring I gave you.’
‘I have no intention of wearing it again. Give it to your whore.’
‘Oh God, Evie. Please, don’t. I do care for you. Please believe that. Even if it’s too late. But please don’t say it’s too late.’ He gave a strangled sob.
‘You’re only saying all this because of the baby.’ She stared at him, waiting for his reaction to what she was about to tell him. ‘Well, you may not have to worry about that much longer as there’s a chance I might be losing it.’
His face crumpled, then he jumped up and moved across to her and pulled her into his arms, holding her against him. Evie was too stunned to speak.
‘What makes you think you’re losing it? What’s happened? Are you all right? You don’t look well. It’s all my fault. I’ve done this to you. I’ve hurt you. Is that why you think you might be losing our baby?’
‘I’ve lost some blood. It’s a possibility.’
Douglas eased her away from him slightly so he could look into her eyes. ‘The thing I care about most is you. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I couldn’t live with myself.’ He drew her tight against his chest again, cradling her head in his hand. ‘I won’t be able to live with myself anyway if you can’t forgive me. If you won’t give me another chance.’
Evie jerked away from him. ‘I’m going upstairs to lie down. The doctor says I need bed rest. Leave me alone, please.’
‘Will you think about it, Evie? Please. Will you give me a second chance? I promise you that woman has gone forever. I’ve hired a houseboy. He’s the cook’s younger brother. It’s an all-male household now.’
Evie shook her head. ‘I don’t know, Doug. I just don’t know anything anymore.’
20
She hadn’t lost the baby. There was no repetition of the blood loss, the doctor made encouraging noises and Evie began to breathe again. She also started eating again – determined not to do anything else to put her unborn child at risk.
Three days after Douglas had come to see her, she summoned Aunty Mimi to the drawing room and gave her instructions to clear Felicity’s things out of her former bedroom.
‘I don’t care you what you do with them. Burn them if you like. Give them away. Sell them. But I don’t want them in this house any more.’
Aunty Mimi’s face contorted into a look of a defiance. She started to speak but Evie lifted her hand for her to stop.
‘The tuan has told me he had instructed you to clear out that bedroom, yet you didn’t, so you’d better do it right away. And I don’t want to hear any argument.’
‘But Missy Leighton say no touch any-sing. It Mem’s, not yours, Missy Leighton say.’
‘Do you work for Mrs Leighton? Does Mrs Leighton pay your wages?’
The old woman shook her head.
‘Then you will do as Mr Barrington and I tell you. I am the mem in this house now.’
Aunty Mimi was affronted, and said, ‘Missy Leighton say you no stay Penang. You go home England soon.’
‘Aunty Mimi, I am going to tell you this now and I don’t want to hear any more from you.’ Pointing towards the bottom of the garden where the servants lived in a series of rooms in a single-storey structure, Evie said, ‘If you prefer to take your orders from Mrs Leighton you had better go out to your room, pack your bags and ask Mrs Leighton to give you a job, as you will no longer have one here.’ Evie grew taller as she spoke, taking confidence from the sound of her own voice. ‘I have absolutely no intention of going back to England. You need to empty the contents of that bedroom immediately as I will be using it. I want you to move my clothing in there as soon the items in the wardrobes and dressing table have been cleared out. Everything! The small bedroom which is Mr Barrington’s room will eventually be the baby’s bedroom.’ She paused for breath. ‘Is
