“Well, I’ve had enough of acting like a dramatic bitch,” I snap.
The men chuckle, but it’s Silver who still has his hand on my shoulder who gives me a bit of a shake. My eyes find his and I watch him for a moment. He doesn’t say anything right away, and I find that Silver is quiet more often than he’s not these days, he thinks about what he’s going to say. It’s a lesson that I need to learn and implement.
“Serious, brother. We got your back and this will all be good. Swear to that shit. You keep giving us the you that we know, nothin’ bad can happen, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I rasp.
His lips curve up into a grin and he clicks his tongue. “Let’s go kill some fucking Donkeys,” he calls out.
And just like that, the heaviness is lifted and the conversation is over. I don’t know what waits for me in the future. I don’t know if I’ll struggle financially forever or if I’ll be able to eventually get back to the paycheck I had before I ruined my life. But I know that no matter what, these men have my back and that’s all that matters.
PAMELA
A few days pass and Pinkie throws a bag at me from across the room. “Take that,” she snaps.
I know what’s inside, I don’t have to even open it to know. Clutching the bag to my chest, I think about everything the other Old Ladies said. They are all convinced I’m pregnant and I can’t help but remember the smiles they wore at the idea—even Della.
“Pinkie,” I call out.
She turns around to face me and tilts her head to the side waiting for me to speak. Pressing my lips together, I throw my legs over the edge of the bed and set the bag to the side.
“Everyone seemed pretty excited at the idea of that test being positive,” I whisper.
Pinkie doesn’t respond, she waits me out, just like I knew she would. That’s one thing about Pinkie, she doesn’t push and I really like that about her. At least, on super important stuff like this. She pushes about other things, like juicy gossip or anything trivial like that.
“I can’t help but wonder if it just isn’t the right timing. Me and Dylan, we don’t even know one another really. I’m falling for him, but he’s a prospect and like he says, he can’t claim me the way he wants. I guess I’m just nervous,” I admit.
Pinkie doesn’t say anything for a long moment and I realize that she’s probably not the person I should be coming to with this. She has her own trauma when it comes to babies and I really shouldn’t be talking about them like this with her, especially about my worries. I feel like a bitch for even broaching the topic.
In true Pinkie fashion, she doesn’t waste a moment and walks over to me, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I should be living in Dylan’s room, he told me to stay there while he was gone, but I just can’t do it. I find comfort with the girls, and sleeping in here, I know that I’m not alone.
“Jaguar wouldn’t have even made this possible child an option if he didn’t want it. The only women he’s ever taken bare are you and Della. Women he wanted to keep for his own, women that he knew would be the right mothers for his babies.”
Della.
I should not be jealous. I can’t help it though. She seems to be part of every conversation when it comes to Dylan. And although I know deep in my heart that he holds no romantic affections for her, nor her for him, it doesn’t take away the fact that they have a past.
I hate that.
“I think I’m supposed to feel flattered, but I’m not sure exactly how I feel.”
I should not be admitting this to Pinkie, she’s got a love for Jaguar that is truly untouchable. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t feel too fast though. That it doesn’t feel like too much too fast. Leaving the Punchers, falling for Jaguar, having sex with him, having feelings for him that I don’t even know if I understand, and now a baby.
“These men know what they want and they take it,” Pinkie whispers. “Sometimes it’s so fast it’ll make your head spin and you don’t really have a moment to think.”
“What aren’t you telling me?” I ask.
She licks her lips, her eyes finding mine. “I have my place here and I love it, but I am not immune to these men and my heart still wants love. I just know that for me, I can’t have it the way that others do. So, I understand how these men work and you’re young, you’re probably confused.”
“I’m more than confused,” I breathe. “I’m terrified.”
Pinkie leans over and wraps her arms around me. She holds me and comforts me and whispers that it’s all going to be okay, that it will work out the way it’s meant to be, then she leans back and looks into my eyes, her lips curving up into a small smile.
“How do you feel when he’s here, when he’s in front of you?”
“Like nothing can touch me, can touch us. Like my body is going to explode if he doesn’t touch me, kiss me, hold me.”
Pinkie’s eyes search mine and I’m not sure if she’s looking for a lie in my gaze or the truth, but she’ll only find the truth. I don’t lie, no reason to. Not about this.
“Like she loves him,” a voice calls out from the doorway.
Looking around Pinkie, I see Della standing there, her eyes on me and nowhere else. “You do, don’t you?” she asks.
Licking my lips, I look down at my lap, then lift my gaze to meet hers. “I’m not sure I know how to love or what it feels like,” I confess.
Della’s lips twitch
