“Take the test, honey,” Pinkie urges. “I’m excited for the outcome.”
Shifting my gaze to the white paper bag next to me, I stare at it for far too long. Pinkie and Della stay quiet for a moment, then Della moves into the room, closer to me.
“We’re a family, Pamela. We have your back and we’ll help you with everything. There’s no need to feel overwhelmed, we got you.”
Her words are meant to be reassuring, and they are, to a degree. They’re also terrifying. I’ve never had anything like what she describes. I know they mean well too, all of them, I experienced it firsthand for my birthday, but this is so much bigger than just a party, this is human life.
I honestly don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to have sex with him unprotected. I was so stupid and now that it’s not just some fantasy, it’s not just sexy words he’s whispering as he moves inside of me, it’s a reality and I’m terrified.
Lifting my eyes, I can’t stop them from watering as the tears form and threaten to fall down my cheeks.
“I’m scared,” I admit out loud.
Della sinks down on her haunches in front of me and places her hands on my knees, while Pinkie wraps her arm around my shoulders.
“It’s going to be okay,” Pinkie murmurs. “I’m right here for you.”
“Why? Why have you been right here for me, Pinkie?” I ask.
I’ve had a feeling, an inkling since she told me a little about her past. I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind and I know, I just know there is so much more to the story. So much more that she hasn’t told me.
“You know why, Pamela Sue,” she says, saying my middle name. She could have guessed it, considering my father named me completely and totally after Pamela Anderson, but the way she says it, my heart squeezes.
“Pinkie?” I breathe.
“Take the test, honey.”
“We have you, Pamela. You’re young, but you’re brave and strong. Jaguar is here, we’re all here. We got you,” Della says, interrupting a life-changing moment.
So, with only their strength and none of my own.
I take the test.
Thinking the entire time about the fact that Pinkie is my mother. There is no other explanation for it. I just don’t know what to do with that information. She doesn’t seem like she wants anyone to know, like she doesn’t even want to fully admit it to me.
The timer goes off, interrupting my thoughts, and I look down at the test.
Pregnant.
Chapter Twenty-Five
JAGUAR
Silver doesn’t say anything the rest of the drive to Oregon. I don’t mind it, in fact, I kind of enjoy it now. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, and it allows me to get lost in my head. I’m not sure why I have been so fucking reflective lately, so focused on thoughts and feelings.
I’ve changed and I can’t deny that I am enjoying that change. I’m not as angry and frustrated as I used to be, minus Pamela not being protected and me being broke as shit. The rest of me is at peace though.
I’ve never felt at peace before.
It’s an odd sensation and I know once Riot is gone, I’ll finally feel free, too. “What happens when he’s gone?” Silver asks.
“Peace,” I say without missing a beat.
“Yeah,” he says softly. “Your woman? She’s good with all this? She knows?”
Nodding my head, I don’t say anything right away. “She knows,” I admit. “She’ll be relieved when he’s gone. Their club has done enough damage, more than we could ever know, probably. It’s time the rest of them are put down like the animals that they are.”
“Yeah,” Silver agrees, but is quiet for a long moment.
I don’t mind, the silence is still comfortable and I just watch the side of the road, the landscape as we drive closer and closer toward Oregon.
“I know shit went down. I know I fucked up a lot, but I couldn’t see clearly. I was so fucked in the head. I also know that’s not an excuse,” I admit.
He grunts but doesn’t respond immediately. Then he clears his throat before he begins. “It wasn’t an excuse. And when it happened, yeah, everyone was pissed the fuck off, but do you know why they were so angry?”
“No,” I say.
“Because you ran. It was fucked you did what you did, but everyone thought you ran away like a pussy. That you were in on some betrayal. It wasn’t just that you shot Eagle. It was so much more than that.”
“Wouldn’t ever betray the Beasts, the club saved my life. I owe everything to them.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, but people do fucked-up shit when it comes to the opposite sex. We thought you knew about Charm, about who she was and you were in on all that shit.”
“Never,” I grind out. “Killed her the moment I found out, not a single goddamn hesitation either. Made her bleed and left her body to get eaten by the wild animals.”
Maybe I’m sick. No, no maybes about it. I know that I am. I’m a sick fuck who is frothing at the goddamn mouth to put Riot and his men down. I’m practically fucking hard about the idea of them dying in front of me.
But betraying the Beasts like that? Over Charm, fuck that. I would never do that shit, not in a million fucking years. Lifting my hand, I run my fingers through my hair, tugging on the ends and offhandedly thinking that maybe I should cut the shit before it gets much longer.
“I would betray my brothers for Presley,” he admits softly. “She’d never ask me to, because she’s not that kind of woman. But if it came to the club or her, I’d choose her. Love her.”
Pressing my
