Antony and Cleopatra

A street.

	Enter Lepidus, Mecaenas, and Agrippa.
Lepidus	Trouble yourselves no further: pray you, hasten Your generals after.
Agrippa	Sir, Mark Antony Will e’en but kiss Octavia, and we’ll follow.
Lepidus	Till I shall see you in your soldier’s dress, Which will become you both, farewell.
Mecaenas	We shall, As I conceive the journey, be at the Mount Before you, Lepidus.
Lepidus	Your way is shorter; My purposes do draw me much about: You’ll win two days upon me.
Mecaenas Agrippa	Sir, good success!
Lepidus	Farewell. Exeunt.

Scene V

Alexandria. Cleopatra’s palace.

	Enter Cleopatra, Charmian, Iras, and Alexas.
Cleopatra	Give me some music; music, moody food Of us that trade in love.
Attendants	The music, ho!
	Enter Mardian the Eunuch.
Cleopatra	Let it alone; let’s to billiards: come, Charmian.
Charmian	My arm is sore; best play with Mardian.
Cleopatra	As well a woman with an eunuch play’d As with a woman. Come, you’ll play with me, sir?
Mardian	As well as I can, madam.
Cleopatra	And when good will is show’d, though’t come too short, The actor may plead pardon. I’ll none now: Give me mine angle; we’ll to the river: there, My music playing far off, I will betray Tawny-finn’d fishes; my bended hook shall pierce Their slimy jaws; and, as I draw them up, I’ll think them every one an Antony, And say “Ah, ha! you’re caught.”
Charmian	’Twas merry when You wager’d on your angling; when your diver Did hang a salt-fish on his hook, which he With fervency drew up.
Cleopatra	That time⁠—O times!⁠— I laugh’d him out of patience; and that night I laugh’d him into patience: and next morn, Ere the ninth hour, I drunk him to his bed; Then put my tires and mantles on him, whilst I wore his sword Philippan.
	Enter a Messenger.
	O, from Italy! Ram thou thy fruitful tidings in mine ears, That long time have been barren.
Messenger	Madam, madam⁠—
Cleopatra	Antonius dead!⁠—If thou say so, villain, Thou kill’st thy mistress: but well and free, If thou so yield him, there is gold, and here My bluest veins to kiss; a hand that kings Have lipp’d, and trembled kissing.
Messenger	First, madam, he is well.
Cleopatra	Why, there’s more gold. But, sirrah, mark, we use To say the dead are well: bring it to that, The gold I give thee will I melt and pour Down thy ill-uttering throat.
Messenger	Good madam, hear me.
Cleopatra	Well, go to, I will; But there’s no goodness in thy face: if Antony Be free and healthful⁠—so tart a favour To trumpet such good tidings! If not well, Thou shouldst come like a Fury crown’d with snakes, Not like a formal man.
Messenger	Will’t please you hear me?
Cleopatra	I have a mind to strike thee ere thou speak’st: Yet if thou say Antony lives, is well, Or friends with Caesar, or not captive to him, I’ll set thee in a shower of gold, and hail Rich pearls upon thee.
Messenger	Madam, he’s well.
Cleopatra	Well said.
Messenger	And friends with Caesar.
Cleopatra	Thou’rt an honest man.
Messenger	Caesar and he are greater friends than ever.
Cleopatra	Make thee a fortune from me.
Messenger	But yet, madam⁠—
Cleopatra	I do not like “But yet,” it does allay The good precedence; fie upon “But yet”! “But yet” is as a gaoler to bring forth Some monstrous malefactor. Prithee, friend, Pour out the pack of matter to mine ear, The good and bad together: he’s friends with Caesar; In state of health thou say’st; and thou say’st free.
Messenger	Free, madam! no; I made no such report: He’s bound unto Octavia.
Cleopatra	For what good turn?
Messenger	For the best turn i’ the bed.
Cleopatra	I am pale, Charmian.
Messenger	Madam, he’s married to Octavia.
Cleopatra	The most infectious pestilence upon thee! Strikes him down.
Messenger	Good madam, patience.
Cleopatra	What say you? Hence, Strikes him again. Horrible villain! or I’ll spurn thine eyes Like balls before me; I’ll unhair thy head: She hales him up and down. Thou shalt be whipp’d with wire, and stew’d in brine, Smarting in lingering pickle.
Messenger	Gracious madam, I that do bring the news made not the match.
Cleopatra	Say ’tis not so, a province I will give thee, And make thy fortunes proud: the blow thou hadst Shall make thy peace for moving me to rage; And I will boot thee with what gift beside Thy modesty can beg.
Messenger	He’s married, madam.
Cleopatra	Rogue, thou hast lived too long. Draws a knife.
Messenger	Nay, then I’ll run. What mean you, madam? I have made no fault. Exit.
Charmian	Good madam, keep yourself within yourself: The man is innocent.
Cleopatra	Some innocents ’scape not the thunderbolt. Melt Egypt into Nile! and kindly creatures Turn all to serpents! Call the slave again: Though I am mad, I will not bite him: call.
Charmian	He is afeard to come.
Cleopatra	I will not hurt him. Exit Charmian. These hands do lack nobility, that they strike A meaner than myself; since I myself Have given myself the cause.
	Re-enter Charmian and Messenger.
	Come hither, sir. Though it be honest, it is never good To bring bad news: give to a gracious message. An host of tongues; but let ill tidings tell Themselves when they be felt.
Messenger	I have done my duty.
Cleopatra	Is he married? I cannot hate thee worser than I do, If thou again say “Yes.”
Messenger	He’s married, madam.
Cleopatra	The gods confound thee! dost thou hold there still?
Messenger	Should I lie, madam?
Cleopatra	O, I would thou didst, So half my Egypt were submerged and made A cistern for scaled snakes! Go, get thee hence: Hadst thou Narcissus in thy face, to me Thou wouldst appear most ugly. He is married?
Messenger	I crave your highness’ pardon.
Cleopatra	He is married?
Messenger	Take no offence that I would not offend you: To punish me for what you make me do Seems much unequal: he’s married to Octavia.
Cleopatra	O, that his fault should make a knave of thee, That art not what thou’rt sure of! Get thee hence: The merchandise which thou hast brought from Rome Are all too dear for me: lie they upon thy hand, And be undone by ’em! Exit Messenger.
Charmian	Good your highness, patience.
Cleopatra	In praising Antony, I have dispraised Caesar.
Charmian	Many times, madam.
Cleopatra	I am paid for’t now. Lead me from hence; I faint: O Iras, Charmian! ’tis no matter. Go to the fellow, good Alexas; bid him Report the feature