Tartuffe

him;
Display it freely; give him your estate,
And if that’s not enough, add all of mine;
I willingly agree, and give it up,
If only you’ll not give him me, your daughter;
Oh, rather let a convent’s rigid rule
Wear out the wretched days that Heaven allots me. Orgon

These girls are ninnies!⁠—always turning nuns
When fathers thwart their silly love-affairs.
Get on your feet! The more you hate to have him,
The more ’twill help you earn your soul’s salvation.
So, mortify your senses by this marriage,
And don’t vex me about it any more.

Dorine

But what⁠ ⁠… ?

Orgon

You hold your tongue, before your betters.
Don’t dare to say a single word, I tell you.

Cléante

If you will let me answer, and advise⁠ ⁠…

Orgon

Brother, I value your advice most highly;
’Tis well thought out; no better can be had;
But you’ll allow me⁠—not to follow it.

Elmire

To her husband. I can’t find words to cope with such a case;
Your blindness makes me quite astounded at you.
You are bewitched with him, to disbelieve
The things we tell you happened here today.

Orgon

I am your humble servant, and can see
Things, when they’re plain as noses on folks’ faces,
I know you’re partial to my rascal son,
And didn’t dare to disavow the trick
He tried to play on this poor man; besides,
You were too calm, to be believed; if that
Had happened, you’d have been far more disturbed.

Elmire

And must our honour always rush to arms
At the mere mention of illicit love?
Or can we answer no attack upon it
Except with blazing eyes and lips of scorn?
For my part, I just laugh away such nonsense;
I’ve no desire to make a loud to-do.
Our virtue should, I think, be gentle-natured;
Nor can I quite approve those savage prudes
Whose honour arms itself with teeth and claws
To tear men’s eyes out at the slightest word.
Heaven preserve me from that kind of honour!
I like my virtue not to be a vixen,
And I believe a quiet cold rebuff
No less effective to repulse a lover.

Orgon

I know⁠ ⁠… and you can’t throw me off the scent.

Elmire

Once more, I am astounded at your weakness;
I wonder what your unbelief would answer,
If I should let you see we’ve told the truth?

Orgon

See it?

Elmire

Yes.

Orgon

Nonsense.

Elmire

Come! If I should find
A way to make you see it clear as day?

Orgon

All rubbish.

Elmire

What a man! But answer me.
I’m not proposing now that you believe us;
But let’s suppose that here, from proper hiding,
You should be made to see and hear all plainly;
What would you say then, to your man of virtue?

Orgon

Why, then, I’d say⁠ ⁠… say nothing. It can’t be.

Elmire

Your error has endured too long already,
And quite too long you’ve branded me a liar.
I must at once, for my own satisfaction,
Make you a witness of the things we’ve told you.

Orgon

Amen! I take you at your word. We’ll see
What tricks you have, and how you’ll keep your promise.

Elmire

To Dorine. Send him to me.

Dorine

To Elmire. The man’s a crafty codger,
Perhaps you’ll find it difficult to catch him.

Elmire

To Dorine. Oh no! A lover’s never hard to cheat,
And self-conceit leads straight to self-deceit.
Bid him come down to me.

To Cléante and Mariane. And you, withdraw.

Scene IV

	Elmire, Orgon.
Elmire	Bring up this table, and get under it.
Orgon	What?
Elmire	One essential is to hide you well.
Orgon	Why under there?
Elmire	Oh, dear! Do as I say; I know what I’m about, as you shall see. Get under, now, I tell you; and once there Be careful no one either sees or hears you.
Orgon	I’m going a long way to humour you, I must say; but I’ll see you through your scheme.
Elmire	And then you’ll have, I think, no more to say.
	To her husband, who is now under the table. But mind, I’m going to meddle with strange matters; Prepare yourself to be in no wise shocked. Whatever I may say must pass, because ’Tis only to convince you, as I promised. By wheedling speeches, since I’m forced to do it, I’ll make this hypocrite put off his mask, Flatter the longings of his shameless passion, And give free play to all his impudence. But, since ’tis for your sake, to prove to you His guilt, that I shall feign to share his love, I can leave off as soon as you’re convinced, And things shall go no farther than you choose. So, when you think they’ve gone quite far enough, It is for you to stop his mad pursuit, To spare your wife, and not expose me farther Than you shall need, yourself, to undeceive you. It is your own affair, and you must end it When⁠ ⁠… Here he comes. Keep still, don’t show yourself.

Scene V

	Tartuffe, Elmire; Orgon under the table.
Tartuffe	They told me that you wished to see me here.
Elmire	Yes. I have secrets for your ear alone. But shut the door first, and look everywhere For fear of spies.
	Tartuffe goes and closes the door, and comes back.
	We surely can’t afford Another scene like that we had just now; Was ever anyone so caught before! Damis did frighten me most terribly On your account; you saw I did my best To baffle his design, and calm his anger. But I was so confused, I never thought To contradict his story; still, thank Heaven, Things turned out all the better, as it happened, And now we’re on an even safer footing. The high esteem you’re held in, laid the storm; My husband can have no suspicion of you, And even insists, to spite the scandalmongers, That we shall be together constantly; So that is how, without the risk of blame, I can be here locked up with you alone, And can reveal to you my heart, perhaps Only too ready to allow your passion.
Tartuffe	Your words are somewhat hard to understand, Madam; just now you used a different style.
Elmire	If that refusal has offended you, How little do you know a woman’s heart! How ill you guess what it would have you know, When it presents so feeble a defence! Always,