The Importance of Being Earnest
By Oscar Wilde.
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Dramatis Personae
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John Worthing, J. P.
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Algernon Moncrieff
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Rev. Canon Chasuble, D.D.
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Merriman, Butler
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Lane, Manservant
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Lady Bracknell
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Hon. Gwendolen Fairfax
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Cecily Cardew
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Miss Prism, Governess
The Scenes of the Play
Act I: Algernon Moncrieff’s Flat in Half-Moon Street, W.
Act II: The Garden at the Manor House, Woolton.
Act III: Drawing-Room at the Manor House, Woolton.
Time: The Present
London: St. James’s Theatre
Lessee and Manager: Mr. George Alexander
February 14th, 1895
| John Worthing, J. P.: | Mr. George Alexander. |
| Algernon Moncrieff: | Mr. Allen Aynesworth. |
| Rev. Canon Chasuble, D.D.: | Mr. H. H. Vincent. |
| Merriman: | Mr. Frank Dyall. |
| Lane: | Mr. F. Kinsey Peile. |
| Lady Bracknell: | Miss Rose Leclercq. |
| Hon. Gwendolen Fairfax: | Miss Irene Vanbrugh. |
| Cecily Cardew: | Miss Evelyn Millard. |
| Miss Prism: | Mrs. George Canninge. |
The Importance of Being Earnest
A Trivial Comedy for Serious People
Act I
Scene: Morning-room in Algernon’s flat in Half-Moon Street. The room is luxuriously and artistically furnished. The sound of a piano is heard in the adjoining room.
| Lane is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music has ceased, Algernon enters. | |
| Algernon | Did you hear what I was playing, Lane? |
| Lane | I didn’t think it polite to listen, sir. |
| Algernon | I’m sorry for that, for your sake. I don’t play accurately—anyone can play accurately—but I play with wonderful expression. As far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte. I keep science for Life. |
| Lane | Yes, sir. |
| Algernon | And, speaking of the science of Life, have you got the cucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell? |
| Lane | Yes, sir. Hands them on a salver. |
| Algernon | Inspects them, takes two, and sits down on the sofa. Oh! … by the way, Lane, I see from your book that on Thursday night, when Lord Shoreman and Mr. Worthing were dining with me, eight bottles of champagne are entered as having been consumed. |
| Lane | Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint. |
| Algernon | Why is it that at a bachelor’s establishment the servants invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information. |
| Lane | I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir. I have often observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a first-rate brand. |
| Algernon | Good heavens! Is marriage so demoralising as that? |
| Lane | I believe it is a very pleasant state, sir. I have had very little experience of it myself up to the present. I have only been married once. That was in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and a young person. |
| Algernon | Languidly. I don’t know that I am much interested in your family life, Lane. |
| Lane | No, sir; it is not a very interesting subject. I never think of it myself. |
| Algernon | Very natural, I am sure. That will do, Lane, thank you. |
| Lane | Thank you, sir. Lane goes out. |
| Algernon | Lane’s views on marriage seem somewhat lax. Really, if the lower orders don’t set us a good example, what on earth is the use of them? They seem, as a class, to have absolutely no sense of moral responsibility. |
| Enter Lane. | |
| Lane | Mr. Ernest Worthing. |
| Enter Jack. | |
| Lane goes out. | |
| Algernon | How are you, my dear Ernest? What brings you up to town? |
| Jack | Oh, pleasure, pleasure! What else should bring one anywhere? Eating as usual, I see, Algy! |
| Algernon | Stiffly. I believe it is customary in good society to take some slight refreshment at five o’clock. Where have you been since last Thursday? |
| Jack | Sitting down on the sofa. In the country. |
| Algernon | What on earth do you do there? |
| Jack | Pulling off his gloves. When one is in town one amuses oneself. When one is in the country one amuses other people. It is excessively boring. |
| Algernon | And who are the people you amuse? |
| Jack | Airily. Oh, neighbours, neighbours. |
| Algernon | Got nice neighbours in your part of Shropshire? |
| Jack | Perfectly horrid! Never speak to one of them. |
| Algernon | How immensely you must amuse them! Goes over and takes sandwich. By the way, Shropshire is your county, is it not? |
| Jack | Eh? Shropshire? Yes, of course. Hallo! Why all these cups? Why cucumber sandwiches? Why such reckless extravagance in one so young? Who is coming to tea? |
| Algernon | Oh! merely Aunt Augusta and Gwendolen. |
| Jack | How perfectly delightful! |
| Algernon | Yes, that is all very well; but I am afraid Aunt Augusta won’t quite approve of your being here. |
| Jack | May I ask why? |
| Algernon | My dear fellow, the way you flirt with Gwendolen is perfectly disgraceful. It is almost as bad as the way Gwendolen flirts with you. |
| Jack | I am in love with Gwendolen. I have come up to town expressly to propose to her. |
| Algernon | I thought you had come up for pleasure? … I call that business. |
| Jack | How utterly unromantic you are! |
| Algernon | I really don’t see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually |
