Chapter Twenty-Three
Callie
I wait nervously for Matt, pacing the floor of my dorm’s entrance way. I am wearing a short black dress and high heels. I have no idea where Matt is planning on taking me, and I don’t care. I haven’t dressed up for him. I’ve done it to make myself feel confident. I don’t want a repeat of the last time we went for a meal and I felt so out of place.
I check my phone for the time. It’s only ten to seven. I keep pacing. I am so nervous I can taste the coppery adrenaline in my mouth. I tell myself to calm down. It’s not like it matters what I say or do. Matt and I aren’t a thing. We never were anyway except in my own head. I suddenly know tonight is going to be a disaster. At least today hasn’t been a total write off.
I didn’t get much of my paper done in the library, but I did manage to talk to the librarian about my job hunt and she told me about a part time position in the library which they usually like to fill with a student. I filled out an application form there and then and I had a good feeling about that. I love books and I let it show as I chatted to the librarian. I think she liked me too, which is a good start.
The door to my dorm opens and there he is, early. He’s dressed in fashionable ripped jeans and a cream colored dress shirt. I get a whiff of his no doubt expensive aftershave as he spots me and steps closer to me.
He kisses my cheek before I can stop him and I try to ignore the tightening in my stomach as his lips touch my skin and I smell the scent of him beneath the aftershave. “Hi,” I mutter.
“Hey,” he says. “You ready?”
If he finds it strange that I’m in the lobby of the building instead of letting him up to my room like I usually do, he doesn’t mention it. I nod tersely and he pulls the door open for me. I step through it, thanking him more out of habit than any real gratitude.
He leads me to a gleaming red Maserati and opens the door for me. I get in and he closes the door and hurries around to the driver’s side. He gets in.
“Another one of your brother’s cars, so you could impress the poor girl?” I ask sarcastically.
Matt looks at me and I can see the tension in his face.
I feel a pull of guilt which I ignore. He’s brought this on himself.
“Actually it’s mine. So was the other one. And I have another couple too. I would like to impress you Callie, but let’s be honest. It’s going to take more than a flashy car for me to make a good impression on you.”
He’s got that much right at least. I make a non-committal grunt.
Matt pulls away from the curb and we drive off. The car doesn’t so much growl as it purrs. It’s smooth, almost silent, and I have to admit that under any normal circumstances, I’d love this car.
That’s the thing though isn’t it? These aren’t any normal circumstances. Normally, when Matt and I are together, the conversation flows easily and we end up laughing at something stupid, but tonight, there’s no laughter. There’s not even any conversation. There’s just this awkward silence that hangs in the air, a physical thing, a barrier that I’m not sure we can ever break through.
It occurs to me that even if Matt manages to give me an explanation for all of the lies, one I can live with, we still can’t be together. I don’t fit into his world, and I refuse to be his project, the little poor girl he saves from her shitty life.
Whatever happens between Matt and me tonight, this will be the last time I see him. The notion sends a pang of regret through me, but it also eases some of my tension. I don’t have anything to be nervous about. Nothing is riding on this. It’s just my chance to get some answers before I forget about Matt altogether and get on with my life. “Why did you take the train every day if you have, what, four sports cars?” I ask.
“Five,” Matt says.
I frown at this answer.
He smiles apologetically. “Sorry… but I did promise you total honesty. It’s not four cars, it's five. I took the train that first day because I wanted to talk to you, to see if you could give me anything I could use. But after that? Honestly Callie, I did it because I wanted to get to know you better. I would rather have walked home through snow and rain with you than driven home without you.”
Well, the first part of that is honest at least.
“Look Matt if we’re going to do this, then you need to know that you don’t have to try and make me feel better. I know I was just a piece of the puzzle to you, a game, and I can make my peace with that. So you don’t need to try and make out that you actually wanted to be around me.”
Matt laughs.
It’s a sound that surprises me and I frown.
He shakes his head and glances at me before turning his eyes back to the road. “You’re giving me much more credit as an actor than I deserve. You were never part of any sort of game.”
His words should soothe me, but they don’t. Instead, they put me on edge. Could it be possible? Could what we had have been real? I can’t let myself go there. Instead, I focus on the
