“I make mistakes. But that wasn’t one of them. Sebastian, you were amazing, and I don’t regret what happened for a second. We were good together. You know it. I know it. And I’m mature enough to admit that,” she says.
I would never admit it to her, but I can admit it to myself. We were good together. The sex was fucking mind blowing. But it wasn’t the start of something. It was the end of something, something that should have been over years ago. Kimberley gets too far under my skin for me to risk going back there.
“Sebastian? Say something for God’s sake,” Kimberley says. “Just let yourself admit what we did was no mistake.”
“Ok. It wasn’t a mistake. It was a fun time. But that’s all it was. It happening again would be a mistake,” I say.
“No. It wouldn’t,” Kimberley says.
She takes a step towards me. I have to put an end to this conversation right now otherwise I’m not going to be able to stop myself from pulling her into my arms and fucking her right here on my desk. I can’t let myself get wrapped up in Kimberley again. I just can’t.
“Wow. I guess I was amazing, because you’re gagging for it. You remind me of one of those crazy types I occasionally pick up who thinks a one night stand is code for relationship starter. Honestly Kimberley, you’re embarrassing yourself coming here begging me for more sex.”
Her face falls and I can see tears shining in her eyes.
“You absolute fucking asshole,” she hisses, her voice breaking.
She turns and runs from the room. I instantly feel like the most awful person in the world. I can’t believe I’ve made Kimberley cry. I can feel my own heart breaking knowing I’ve hurt her. I take a step forward. I have to go after her.
I stop. I’ll only end up making it worse if I do. And while I never wanted to hurt her, and I know I handled the situation appallingly, I know in my heart I was right. I can’t have sex with Kimberley again. I have to distance myself from her so that I can move on.
Kimberley is tough. She’ll get over this. Hell she’s probably only crying because I embarrassed her. It’s not like she’s actually into me. She proved that when she walked away from me without so much as a glance back.
A gentle tapping on my office door pulls me out of my head.
“Come in,” I say.
Bernie steps in, a concerned look on her face.
“Since when did you start knocking when you know I’m alone?” I say.
She sits down in one of my visitor’s chairs.
“She was crying when she left. I thought maybe …”
“You thought maybe I was crying and you didn’t want to deal with that hot mess?” I grin.
“I thought maybe you would be upset and want a bit of time to process whatever happened,” she corrects me.
I sit down in my own chair and smile at Bernie.
“I’m fine Bernie. Honestly.”
She raises an eyebrow, seeing straight through my lie.
“Ok. You got me. I feel bad for making Kimberley cry. That wasn’t my intention, but other than a bit of guilt, I’m fine.”
“I heard the conversation you two had,” Bernie says.
Why doesn’t that surprise me?
“I bet you tried really hard not to though huh?” I grin.
“Obviously,” she lies with a smile. “Seriously though Sebastian. Why do you keep sabotaging yourself? You’re into her. She’s into you. Why not just give it a go? What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
She could rip my fucking heart out again for starters I think to myself but don’t say.
“Because I can’t go there again,” I say.
Bernie waits for me to elaborate and I sigh.
“You know when you’re with someone and being with them makes you happy, and you become the best version of yourself?” I say.
Bernie nods.
“That’s how it used to be with me and Kimberley. But now. Well you’ve seen it yourself Bernie. Even if I wanted to go there with her again, I can’t do it. She brings out the worst in me. Whenever I’m around her, I turn into this petty, bitter shadow of myself. I end up saying or doing something that hurts Kimberley and then I feel bad about it. And I don’t like who I am around her. I don’t like that guy at all.”
“You just have to let go of the old resentments and hurt and let her in,” Bernie says.
“That’s the thing though Bernie. I can’t do that. Believe me, I’ve tried. This is for the best. We’ve got closure now and we just need to stay away from each other.”
Bernie smiles at me sadly.
“Is that really what you want Sebastian?”
Is it? I think it is. I think it’s what I need to do. I do need to let go of the old resentments, but I can’t do that with Kimberley hanging around me. I need a clean break from her.
“Yes. I really think it is,” I say.
Bernie nods.
“Ok. Then I’ll leave you to it. Do you want me to cancel your next meeting?”
I think about it for a second. I’d like nothing more than for Bernie to cancel my meeting. I could just lie on the couch drinking bourbon and thinking about how my life has gone to hell. But I shake my head.
“No thank you,” I smile.
I’m not going to waste another minute thinking about Kimberley. And I’m certainly not going to let her affect my work.
Chapter Thirteen
Sebastian
I pick up the sandwich and nibble on it. It’s good. Chicken salad on rye. The bread is fresh and the salad is nice and crunchy. Matt was right about this place. For a sandwich bar, it’s not bad.
“Anything in the works then?” Matt asks me.
“I’ve always got something in the works,” I laugh. “Nothing major though. I know it’s been three weeks since we closed the merger, but there’s a still a lot of work to do on it to get things running
