“Relax Sebastian. I’m fine. Just go away,” she says.
I can hear the tears in her voice. She’s clearly not fine at all. I rest my forehead against the door.
“Please just tell me what’s wrong,” I say. “I can hear you crying.”
She doesn’t respond.
“Ok, tell me when you’re ready,” I say. “But I’m not going anywhere until you come out. If I have to sit here all day I will.”
I mean it. I slide down the wall opposite the bathroom door and sit down to wait for her to come out. She’s stubborn, but she’ll have to come out eventually. God how did I go from being ready to tell Kimberley I’m in love with her to sitting on the ground listening to her crying and not even being able to hold her?
I don’t know how long I’ve been sat here when the door finally opens and Kimberley emerges. Her face is blotchy where tears have run down her face. Her eyes are red. I push myself up to my feet, but Kimberley is already walking away from me.
“Kimberley, wait …” I start.
I happen to glance into the bathroom as I get up and I see it in the sink. A pregnancy test. I walk into the bathroom and pick it up. One word sits there in the window. Pregnant.
My heart skips a beat and I feel my face breaking into a smile. It all makes sense now. Why Kimberley skipped the cocktails yesterday. Why she was evasive about where she had been this morning. Why she tensed up a little when my mum started talking about grandchildren. My smile dies on my lips when she speaks from behind me.
“Don’t worry. I’m not keeping it.”
“What? No. Kimberley wait, we need to talk about this,” I say as she walks away from me again.
I chase after her into the lounge where she’s already putting her jacket on.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she says. “Except maybe how useless my contraceptive pill clearly is. You don’t have to worry about it.”
“Kimberley listen to me,” I say. I take her hands in mine and wait until she’s looking at me. “I love you. And I love that we’re going to be a family.”
She pulls her hands away and shakes her head.
“We’re not going to be a family Sebastian. What part of this are you not understanding? I can’t have this baby. I’ve never wanted one and I’m not going to have my career ruined now.”
I can feel my mind whirling, dread filling my whole body. How can she be talking about killing our baby this way?
“Kimberley, stop,” I shout. “You can’t do this.”
“Yes I can,” she snaps. “My body, my choice. I know this has always been your dream. Getting me pregnant so I have to stay at home and play the good little wifey, but it’s not going to happen. Just accept it.”
I am floored by her words. I’ve never said a single thing to imply that’s what I want. It’s not something I’ve ever wanted. I’ve never wanted to hold Kimberley back and I don’t want that now. What I want is for her to see that I love her more than anything and that we can make this work.
I’m not in right frame of mind to explain that to her though, and I know she’s not in the right frame of mind to hear me. I head for the door.
“We’ll talk about this later,” I say.
“There’s nothing to say Sebastian,” she calls after me as I walk down the hallway to the elevator feeling like the bottom has just fallen out of my world.
Chapter Seventeen
Sebastian
It’s been five days since Kimberley dropped her bombshell on me. Five fucking days of going insane. Five days of feeling as though the bottom is falling out of my world. It’s like everything is spinning, like I’m screaming inside to get off the roundabout, but no one can hear me and the spinning never stops. I’m pretty sure this what the first step towards madness feels like.
I’ve tried calling Kimberley a few times, but she won’t take my calls. I’ve left voicemails and sent text messages, but I get nothing in return. I’ve been up to her office just to be told that she’s taken a few days off. I’ve even been by the hotel and knocked on her room door and called through to her, but if she’s been in there when I’ve called round, she’s ignored me.
It’s like she’s closed herself off to me completely. I’m not toob proud to admit it, but I’ve ghosted girls in the past, and it feels like that’s what Kimberley is doing to me now. But she’s carrying my fucking baby. She can’t just shut me out like this. She can’t. Except she can and she is.
I am completely torn up inside by this whole thing. It breaks my heart to know that Kimberley wants to get rid of our baby, and yeah, it pisses me off that she won’t even sit down and have a conversation about it. I mean I get it – ultimately there’s nothing I can do to stop her from having an abortion if that’s what she wants to do, but she could at least hear me out before she makes such a big decision.
Yesterday, I sent Kimberley what I told myself would be my last text message to her unless she replied. It was a simple message telling her I understand that she’s upset and that I’m here when she’s ready to talk. I promised her that unless she reaches out to me, I’ll leave her alone.
It’s what I should do. She’s shut me out and made it quite clear she has no interest in talking to me. The rational side of me is willing to accept that we gave it a go, and it’s clearly not going to work out, despite my feelings for Kimberley. We’re just too different. Kimberley runs from her problems and shuts herself off from
