“Sure,” she says.
“Are you sure? Because if you don’t feel up to it, we can go another time,” I say.
She gives a soft laugh.
“I say yes and you try to talk me out of it?” she says. “Jeez Sebastian, learn when to shut up.”
She’s laughing as she says it and I do a quick salute and turn the engine on.
“Point taken,” I say.
I pull out of the car park and start to drive.
“Like I said, I’m pregnant, not disabled, and I guess I had better start practicing what I preach,” she says.
“Do you still feel sick like?” I ask.
She nods.
“I pretty much always feel sick. That’s why I did the test. I was so sure I couldn’t be pregnant with being on the pill and all, but I wanted to rule it out before I went to the doctor. The nurse said I’ll feel better after my first trimester though.”
“And that’s when? Twelve weeks?” I say.
“Yeah. The end of week twelve,” she smiles. “How did you know that?”
“Lucky guess,” I grin.
“Rubbish. I didn’t even think you’d know what a trimester way,” she says.
“You’re probably going to think this is weird, but I’ve been doing a bit of research. I read some books on pregnancy and what to expect. I figured if I could show you I was prepared for this then you wouldn’t … well you know.”
She sits up straight and looks at me. I glance at her out of the corner of my eye.
“Seb I never should have even said I was going to get rid of the baby. I lied to you in there when I said it blurted it out because I was in shock. I mean I was in shock, but that’s not why I said it. I was so sure you’d run a mile when you found out, and I didn’t want you to think I was going to have the baby and you’d have to be a dad when you didn’t want to be.”
“Do you even know me at all?” I laugh. “I love the idea of being a dad Kimberley. I just didn’t think it would ever happen because you were always so against the idea of having kids, and I guess I made my peace with it. I obviously did a good job of making it seem like I didn’t want to be a dad though.”
“You did. But if we’re going to make this work, then you have to stop doing that,” she replies.
“Well yeah obviously I’m not going to pretend I don’t want kids once we have one,” I say.
“That’s not what I mean. I mean you have to stop lying to me about what you really want because you’re scared I won’t like the answer and you’ll lose me.”
I pause for a second. She’s right and I know it. I was so afraid of her rejecting me when we were kids that I never really tried to get her to stay. And I have been so afraid of losing her since she came back into my life that I’ve been walking on egg shells instead of just telling her how I feel. Well that stops now.
“You’re right,” I say. “I promise that from here on in, I’ll tell you the truth, even if I think you won’t like it. But I need something from you in return.”
She nods for me to go on.
“I don’t feel like I can be open with you because whenever you think we’re going to have a problem or you feel hurt, you push me away and you run from me. I need you to promise me that ends now. That if you’re feeling scared or overwhelmed or hurt that you’ll come to me and we’ll talk,” I say.
“It’s hard for me to let my guard down and let anyone in,” she says.
“No shit,” I grin.
She gives a soft laugh.
“You think any of this came easily to me?” I ask.
She shakes her head and smiles.
“No. We’re a real pair of fucking screw ups aren’t we? I can’t promise to be perfect Sebastian, but I can promise you I’ll try. Can you live with that?”
I nod my head.
“Yeah. How about we both try and learn together that maybe it’s ok to let someone in?”
“I like the sound of that,” she smiles.
We fall back into silence. I keep sneaking glances at Kimberley as I drive. The colour is mostly back in her cheeks. Her skin looks healthy, glowing.
“So, where are we going?” she asks.
“It’s a surprise,” I say.
“Oh God, why does that make me nervous?” she laughs.
I would be willing to bet she isn’t even close to as nervous as I am.
“Because you know I’m a little crazy,” I say. “But don’t worry. I cancelled the sky diving. I thought being pregnant and all, it wouldn’t be the best plan.”
“Oh don’t even go there,” she laughs.
When we’ve been driving for about half an hour, I pull into a quiet suburban neighbourhood and drive along a picturesque street. I pull up onto the driveway of a big white house. The garden is alive with flowers of every colour and Kimberley smiles as she sees the flowers.
I glance at her and she catches me looking at her. Her smile fades and she frowns at me, a questioning frown rather than an angry one.
“Who do you know that lives out here?” she asks, her tone suspicious suddenly.
I don’t answer her question; I just smile at her instead. I get out of the car and before I can get around and open Kimberley’s door for her, she’s out and moving towards the front of the car where she meets me.
“Seriously, what are we doing here?” she says, peering around herself like she thinks the answer to that question might be written somewhere in the garden.
“It’s one of Chance’s design projects,” I say. “I thought you might like to have a
