Suggestive as hell. Now I was thinking about her ass. Stopit. I shoved the equipment bag into the back of my car and slammed thedoor.
I looked back at the stadium once more and took a deepbreath. It had been 16 years since Brooklyn died. But I couldn’t seem to moveon. How could I? I’d promised her forever. And I wasn’t a liar.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. That’s what she’dcalled me right before she died. A liar. If I could go back, I’d do everythingdifferently. But there was no going back. There were no do-overs. I’d fuckedup. I’d fucked everything up.
Another text came through. “This is going to be the bestnight ever!”
No. It wasn’t. But being with Penny would help. She’d distractme for the night. She’d make me forget. Because she was one of the only peoplein my life that didn’t know about Brooklyn. She was the only person who didn’tlook at me like I was broken. And I didn’t care that she was James’ wife. Ineeded her.
Chapter 2
Thursday
I made a right toward my apartment building and slammed onthe brakes. I was pretty sure my heart stopped beating. Horns blared behind meas I stared at the woman whose blonde hair was swirling in the autumn breeze,covering her face. Brooklyn? My knuckles turned white on the steeringwheel as the blonde woman slowly turned toward me. I held my breath. And forjust a second, I let myself hope. Because I was a fucking idiot.
There was a scowl on the woman’s face. A face that lookednothing like Brooklyn’s. She was staring at me like I was a lunatic with adeath wish. Maybe I was crazy. I didn’t want to die though. I knew all too wellwhat damage a life cut short could cause.
Another horn honked behind me. And then it was like asymphony of horns. Fuck. A taxi swerved around me and the driver liftedhis middle finger in the air as he blew past me.
Asshole. The horns started up again and I pressed downon the gas. My heart felt weird in my chest. Like it was beating out of sync.
I made a quick U-turn. I didn’t care about changing out of mysweaty clothes anymore. I just needed a drink. It wasn’t like I needed to makea good impression on Penny anyway. Her husband was practically a brother to me.Which made her practically a sister. My stomach rolled over. I sped into herapartment building’s underground parking garage and pulled into one of theempty spots next to James’ extensive car collection.
I sat there for a few minutes trying to catch my breath. Ithad been a while since I thought I’d seen Brooklyn walking around the city likea ghost. But every now and then some random woman with blonde hair made mefreeze. It was never her. And every time it happened, it messed up my breathingand made it feel like someone had turned me inside out.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Brooklyn used to get panicattacks all the time. She’d left them with me. Just like she’d left me with ahole in my heart and an overactive imagination. I ran my hand down my face andthen climbed out of my car. A drink would help.
I let myself into the apartment building and nodded at theman standing at the front desk.
“Good evening, Mr. Caldwell,” he said. “Mrs. Hunter’sexpecting you.”
Mrs. Hunter. I wasn’t sure why it bothered me so muchwhen people called Penny that. I tried to give the attendant a smile eventhough I was still having trouble catching my breath. I hit the elevator buttonand stepped inside. Breathe in. Breathe out. As soon as the doors closed,I let the back of my head rest against the elevator wall. The doors dinged openfar too soon. I walked out onto Penny’s floor and looked up at the cameras thatwere pointed toward the elevator. James’ security team would be watching me. Itwas possible that even James was watching. It didn’t matter if Penny promisedour meeting would be a secret. It would never be secret here.
I should have turned around right then. But I knew on theother side of that door was a scotch and someone who wouldn’t make me feel likeI was crazy. I knocked.
Penny opened the door with a huge smile on her face. “Youcame!” It was like her cheery words caught in her throat and died at the sightof me. “Matt, are you alright?”
“Fine.” I stepped past her. “I just need a drink.”
“Okay…” she said, following me into her huge kitchen.
I could feel her eyes on me as I took out a glass and poured myselfsome scotch. I knew I was being rude. But I took a huge sip anyway beforeturning back to her. “Sorry. Do you want some?” I set the glass down on thecounter with a clink when I realized my hand was shaking.
She laughed. “As good as a drink sounds right now, I can’t. I’mbreastfeeding.”
My eyes wandered to her breasts and I didn’t even try to hideit. What the hell am I doing? She was breastfeeding her baby boy thatwould one day call me Uncle Matt just like her daughter did. I grabbed myglass, downed the rest of the burning liquid, and tried not to cough. “I’msorry. I just stopped by to tell you that I need to cancel our plans for tonight.I’ll catch you later.” I tried to walk past her, but she grabbed my arm.
“Matt.” Her voice was laced with concern. But I barely heardit. Because it was like the fire in my throat had somehow transferred to whereshe was touching my skin.
I pulled back. “Penny, I’ve had a really shitty day and Idon’t want to pretend that everything is fine. You know I don’t want to dothis.”
“I’m not asking you to pretend anything. And I thought youdid want this?” She pulled her arms across her chest like she was huggingherself. Like she was trying to protect herself from my wrath. “I’m sorry,Matt. I didn’t mean to pressure you.” She shook her head. “I didn’t realize Iwas doing
