Judging by how the date had started? I’d say that was verylikely. But I was curious too. What had Penny said to this woman while pretendingto be me? I thought back to my horrible profile she’d made. For all I knew, she’dtold her about how I was the most eligible bachelor in the city. I needed tochange the topic. “Are you ready to order?”
“Yes. Well, no. I don’t even have a menu. The hostess wasreally quite rude to me. She tried to kick me out of the restaurant.”
I tried not to laugh. Probably because Tamara was jealous thatshe wasn’t my date. I glanced over at the hostess stand. Tamara had beenstaring, but she quickly looked away.
“But it’s fine, you can just choose for me,” Ash said and pointedat my menu.
“You want me to pick what meal you’re having?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“But I don’t know anything that you like. Or if you’re avegetarian or a vegan. Or what is it when you only eat fish?”
She laughed. “I don’t think that’s a thing. And I’m just anormal person.”
I really wasn’t sure about that. “What about allergies? Doyou have any allergies?”
“No. Just order me something a normal person would order andI’ll be happy.”
Where did Penny find this chick? “Here, just look at themenu,” I said, trying to hand it to her.
At first she pushed it back, but she finally conceded. As shelooked over the menu, an awkward silence enveloped the table.
I could have easily stopped it. I was quite good at smalltalk. But it was fun watching her literally squirm. It was like silence wasdriving her bonkers. Even though I was pretty sure she was crazy already.
The silence kept stretching until it looked like Ash wasabout to explode.
“Wow this place is fancy,” she finally said and closed themenu. “I don’t usually eat in places with tablecloths.”
“Mhm.”
She stared at me like she couldn’t believe that was the onlything I had to say. “I wish someone had told me it was fancy.”
“Didn’t you pick the place?” I asked. Was that what Penny hadsaid? Or had Penny picked this place while pretending to be me?
“Oh. Um. No. Well, maybe it was my fault. I have a confessiontoo and if I don’t tell you I’m going to start acting weird.”
She hadn’t started acting weird yet? Good God.
“My best friend Chastity made my dating profile. I told hernot to. Actually, I begged her not to. But she insisted and…she was on thething just as much as I was because she had access to my password. Sheintercepted several of the messages.”
I laughed. “You just gave me shit for my friend talking toyou. When she was really probably just talking to your friend.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I was just surprised and I have no ideawhy my first instinct was to lie. But it was and here we are. Getting caught ina lie is on my list of fears too. So it’s better to just get ahead of it, don’tyou think? Besides, it was me on the app half the time. And I saw all themessages. So it was kind of like it was me. Since I observed all of it afterthe fact.”
“Right.”
“Exactly.” She smiled.
This girl was so strange.
“But the restaurant was Chastity’s idea. In her defense, shetold me to dress up. But she dresses up for everything so I thought she waskind of overstating it. But apparently she wasn’t. I would have looked it upahead of time, but she told me I was being paranoid and that it would be morefun to just go in blind, you know? Since it was kind of already a blind datesince your profile was weirdly a cup of tea. I kind of thought you’d look likea monster. But you’re not at all what I expected. And I’m super underdressed.”
I was pretty sure there was a compliment in there somewhere. “Iactually really like the sneakers.”
She smiled. “Really?”
I nodded.
“Thank you.”
“So now that I know that you’re underdressed, why don’t yougo ahead and take your jacket off before you faint?”
“I’m wearing an old sweatshirt and jeans. And I ran miles toget here. So now I’m not only underdressed, but I’m super sweaty too. Just forthe record, I had on a nicer shirt. But I spilled coffee all over it just whenI was about to walk out the door for our date. And it’s laundry day. And thissweatshirt happens to be really comfy.”
I laughed. “It’s fine. Take it off before we have to call anambulance.”
She laughed too and finally pulled off her jacket. It wasindeed an old sweatshirt. There was even a hole on one of the elbows. But I wasmost distracted by the huge sweat stains under her arms. The light graysweatshirt did nothing to hide them. If anything, it accentuated them.
“Oh God,” she said. “I need to use the restroom. I’ll beright back.” She got up and ran, almost knocking into another waiter.
I held in my laughter as best I could until she disappearedinto the bathroom. She was adorable. Adorable? I shook the thought away.She was a walking disaster. The waiter came over to ask for our order, but Isent him away. After all that, Ash hadn’t even told me what she wanted.
I looked at my watch. Ordered another drink. Startedfidgeting in my seat. What the hell was she doing in there? She’d been gone forover ten minutes.
I pulled out my phone and sent Penny a text. “Who the hell isthis person?”
Penny’s reply came almost immediately. “Isn’t she cute? Andshe’s exactly what you’re looking for!”
I wasn’t sure why she was so sure about that. “How is sheexactly what I’m looking for?”
“You described your ideal girl, and I found her for you. You’rewelcome. Are you being nice?”
“Yes, I’m being nice.”
“Good. Now stop texting during your date. It’s rude.”
I ran my hand down my face. And waited a few more minutes. HadAsh left? I pictured her climbing out of the window and running away. Honestly,it seemed exactly like something this Ash person would do. I just didn’t knowwhether to check the restroom
