I wasn’t sure how many times I’d come here, trying to feelbetter about the shitty life I was leading. But this was different. One-nightstands and random hookups were meaningless. It’s why I did them. Because itwasn’t a betrayal. But the dating app made me feel guilty. Even though I knew Iwasn’t taking it seriously.
“I promise,” I said again. “But…I think maybe, a little partof me still wants all that stupid stuff. A family. A home. And I’m sorry that Iwant it. I’m so fucking sorry.” I didn’t have to say anything else. We bothknew I wouldn’t act on those feelings. We both knew I could never move on. I’dnever do that to her. I couldn’t.
“It just hurts more in the fall,” I said into the silence. “Youget it. You get what it feels like to have no one.”
I looked over to her uncle’s gravestone. I knew how terriblyalone she’d felt after his death. She never deserved to go through so muchpain. She never deserved to die feeling like she had no one by her side. No onedeserved that. “I’m sorry.”
I always came here when I missed her the most. When I feltlike I had other things to apologize for. But it always came back to that onemoment. Of letting her down right before she passed away. Of letting her feellike she was alone. “You weren’t alone. You always had me.”
All I wanted to do was lie down and close my eyes. I’d donethat a lot the first few months after she’d passed too. I’d slept right here. Tomake sure she knew she wasn’t alone. I shifted so that I could lie down on topof the grass. I just needed her to know that I was here.
“It’s hard this time of year, Brooklyn. And I always wonderwhat we would have been doing if you were here.” I swallowed hard and looked upat the starless sky. I didn’t have enough memories of her to fill 16 years ofmissing her. So I just replayed all of them. Even the ones that hurt like hell.Especially the ones that hurt like hell.
“It feels like you’re disappearing on me. And I don’t knowhow to live without you.”
I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. “I don’t know why I asked whatwe’d be doing if you were here. I know what we’d be doing. We’d have a family. We’dbe happy in our home. We’d have each other. That’s all I ever wanted.”
I felt tears trickle down the corners of my eyes and into myhairline. “I don’t want to do this without you anymore. I feel guilty all thetime. I feel like fucking shit every day, Brooklyn.”
I was tired. I’d been so fucking tired for years. I justneeded something. A sign to keep going. Anything. Because I couldn’t do thisanymore.
I heard the sound of leaves crunching. I tried to mind my ownbusiness. There were more people buried here than just Brooklyn. More mournersthan just me. But I kept my mouth closed, because I was pretty sure I was theonly crazy one that talked to the dead.
Another crunch. And another. Getting closer and closer. Itwas like whoever was walking through the cemetery was coming toward me. Orrather, toward Brooklyn’s grave.
The first person that popped into my mind was Kennedy. Brooklyn’sbest friend. I sat up and turned toward the sound, but could barely make outthe person in the darkness. They kept walking closer and closer.
I hadn’t spoken to Kennedy in years. Not since senior year ofhigh school, actually. We’d gone to different colleges and lost touch. It washard to keep up a friendship when all we really had in common was someone welost. I wasn’t even sure she was still in the city.
I squinted into the darkness. And I stupidly felt this tinybit of hope. I’d asked for a sign. Was Kennedy that sign? She understood mypain better than anyone else. Maybe she could help me.
The person finally stepped underneath one of the lights sprinkledaround the graveyard. But it wasn’t Kennedy. It was the woman stalking me frommy football games standing several gravestones away, holding a bouquet of flowers.She stared at the grave I was sitting on and then back at me.
There was no doubt in my mind now. She was following me. And Ijust knew Mr. Pruitt was involved. First Poppy and now this person. It was onething for Mr. Pruitt to send her to my games. It was another thing entirely tohave her follow me here. She had no right to be anywhere near Brooklyn’s grave.She had no right to disturb me while I was here. And this stopped right now.
“Did Mr. Pruitt send you?” I said. The words felt like acidin my throat. When would he stop trying to ruin my life? When would he leave mealone in my misery?
She didn’t say a word. She just stared at me.
“Answer me.”
She took a step back, the leaves crunching under her feet.
Fuck this. I started to stand up.
The woman dropped the flowers and…ran. Faster than I expectedher to in high heeled boots. She was a freaking sprinting ninja in disguise.
“Hey!” I called. But she was already halfway toward an SUV parkedon the path. “Tell me who you are!” I yelled as I sprinted after her. “Who sentyou?”
She jumped into the car and the engine roared to life. It startedmoving just as I reached the path.
“Answer me!” I yelled. I slammed the back of her SUV with myhand. An SUV just like the ones Mr. Pruitt used to make Brooklyn drive aroundin. When he’d been worried about her safety.
The SUV sped off, leaving me alone in the darkness of thegraveyard.
My chest rose and fell as I tried to catch my breath. I hadno idea what Mr. Pruitt was up to. But I knew that anything involving him hadto be bad.
I pulled out my phone and shot Tanner a text: “Have you dugup any dirt on Mr. Pruitt?”
His text came
