“So what if you are?”
The question stopped me in my tracks. Then I have to halt my life, reevaluate my plans, and change absolutely everything about myself, I thought. I have to make sure I never do to JJ what Mama did to you. Or me.
I didn’t answer his question.
He tilted his head back, as if in thought, for a long stretch. Eventually, he said, “She was always in love with love. It seemed like she wanted an out whenever she realized it wasn’t easy.”
I ran my memories of Mama through that filter, and it fit.
“Okay.”
“That was Kat. Easy, fun, and spontaneous. That’s what she wanted. Whirlwind romance. To be swept off her feet. Prince Charming. That load of bull. She didn’t like responsibility, either,” he added, “which is why we lost electricity so much. You’d think romance would dictate she pay the bills on time.”
A fault the two of them had shared.
“Did she love you when you first met?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did you love her?”
“Sure.”
A bitter edge colored his flippant response. He didn’t like this conversation at all. Could I trust his responses? Was he telling me the truth?
“Why did you marry her?”
For a moment, I thought he’d end the call. His brow grew so heavy it nearly covered his eyes. Eventually, he said, “Because I think I did love her. I thought we could do anything together. At the time, it felt good.”
“And then?”
He scowled. “And then you’d have to ask Trevor how things ended between me and Kat.”
I blinked. “You knew about Trevor?”
“Of course I knew what was happening with Trevor,” he growled. “Didn’t take an idiot to figure it out. I let it go for a while because I assumed she’d get bored with him the same as she did with me. Since we had a child together, I thought she’d stay.”
“She did.”
“If you could call it that. The night she died? She told me she was going to leave me for him. That’s what we fought about.”
“I didn’t know that,” I murmured.
“Lovely, hopeless romantic, wasn’t she? More like a tornado. Kat destroyed everyone she touched. Not even you can deny that.”
More silence. Mama practically sang the ugly parts of love out of the shadows with her driving need to experience it. To find love. She’d escaped from reality with romance, just like me. Then she broke all our hearts. Who might Dad have been without Mama? What if she hadn’t been so in love with love?
The lesson here was clear: Mama had destroyed all her relationships with her undying belief in romance.
And I would never be like her.
Cracks in my heart fractured what little strength I had left. What if I did the same thing to JJ? Would I turn him into a convict? A mess of a man who felt only bitterness? No, I’d never let that happen. Not to him. Not to me.
I couldn’t endure that.
“Thank you,” I croaked to Dad. “This was helpful.”
Dad nodded, gaze focused off-screen. He drew in a deep breath. Then he let it out and leaned forward a little. “Listen, Lizbeth, this sentiment won’t make me popular, and I’m already a jerk. But the truth is this: if I could make it so I never met Kat, I’d do that. If you ask me, that’s what Kat’s quest for love did. Left regret and broken hearts in its wake. You’d do well to stay as far away from it as you can.”
He turned the videocall off without another word.
I closed my computer with a sob.
28 JJ
Dad and I sat across from each other in a crummy diner in Pineville the day after my fight with Mark. The smell of fry oil and fake evergreen permeated the air. Bells jangled on the door every time someone walked in or out. I rubbed a hand over my bleary eyes.
Dad and I hadn’t seen each other in well over a month. He sent random texts now and then, mostly pictures of fish he’d caught, questions about how we were doing, or queries about how to work his phone. I wondered if he ever felt lonely in his new little cabin by himself. The old house had sold shortly after the divorce was finalized, effectively sealing off my childhood into the realm of history.
“Your mom called me this morning,” he said.
His comment puzzled me. Why would Mom call him? The fact that we were sitting in a public place together had me almost as confused. Dad hated crowds. Anything more than three people was too many for him.
Things had a weird way of tipping upside down quickly.
“What did she say?” I asked.
“I didn’t answer.”
I bit back a laugh. Why that was funny, I had no idea. Maybe it was a sign of my mental state when there’d been no word from Lizbeth. Mark had disappeared somewhere for the night and given me a cold reception this morning when the delivery truck arrived. He’d queried the board about it through Lizbeth’s online dashboard, but I hadn’t seen any responses.
“Texted her back,” Dad continued, breaking my thoughts. “She responded.”
I sat with my elbows on the table, my hands folded together. Two mugs of coffee cooled in front of us.
Dad watched me in his usual intense way. More of a glower, really. It had always scared rebellion out of me for a few hours when I was a young kid. Mark would usually come up with another brilliant idea shortly after any given punishment ended. Like most things, we’d accomplish the mischief together, despite the infamous Sheriff Bailey stare.
I managed to meet his gaze, and it surprised me. Today the intensity was softer.
“She said that something happened and things aren’t great between you and Mark.”
“It just happened last night,” I muttered in exasperation. “Wait. Did Mark spend the night at her place?”
Dad shrugged. “You know Kelly,” he muttered. “Always poking around. So something did happen?”
“Yeah.”
In the briefest possible
