“Yeah.” I nodded. “Hopefully soon.”
“Don’t wait.”
“I won’t,” I said, and I wouldn’t. Dad was right. I needed to talk to her. Tell her how I felt. Clear the uncertainty so we could actually move forward.
This time, I wouldn’t hesitate.
I’d talk now.
Dad raised an eyebrow at my response, took a sip of coffee, then nodded. “Look forward to meeting her.”
“Was it worth the pain, Dad? To have loved and lost?”
Dad grabbed a fry and studied it before he nodded. “Every damn minute.”
JJ: Just had a great lunch with my dad and am heading back. Missed seeing you this morning. Can we talk?
Lizbeth: Sure.
JJ: Great, I’ll be home in thirty. Need me to bring you anything?
Lizbeth: I’m set, thanks.
29 Lizbeth
With dread in my stomach, I stared at my cell phone. Although JJ’s text had been innocuous, I had a feeling something was about to change.
Can we talk?
So simple, yet so terrifying.
Less than a day ago, I would have felt giddy at the thought of seeing him. Fearless. Now? Utter terror made me cold and shaky. What if JJ wanted to define this? What if he wanted a relationship?
I’d have to tell him no. I wouldn’t destroy his life.
A soul-deep crack had formed in my chest during my call with Dad. Now I had to do something different. Do what Mama wouldn’t do. I had to lean away from romance and love to save all of us.
I swallowed hard and started to pace. Two hours had passed since I’d hung up on my videocall with Dad. I still hadn’t made it out of my cabin yet. My sniffles had subsided and the tears had slowed, but more were building up behind my eyes. Their pounding pressure threatened my composure.
Thankfully, no one here cared when I showed up to work, or how. Mark trusted me implicitly, which bought me some time to slowly get ready and to try not to think about Dad. Mama. And what all these revelations meant for me and JJ.
When a knock came on my door, my stomach caught painfully. I trudged over to answer it in fuzzy slippers, too-large sweats, and an old T-shirt of Bethany’s. JJ waited outside, a bright expression on his face. He smiled so warmly.
“Hey,” he said as he stepped inside. He shut the door behind him, then crossed the room in two steps. He touched my face with his fingertips and pulled me close. Our bodies molded against each other.
Breathless, I barely managed to whisper, “Hey.”
He pulled away and cupped my face in his hands. The warmth of his breath caressed my cheek. For a moment, he just studied me. Then he smiled slowly again. His thumb rubbed my cheekbone in a gentle caress. My heart cracked. The sheer romance of it would have broken me if my resolve to save both of us wasn’t ironclad.
“It’s good to see you,” he said.
My voice cracked. “You too.”
Lines formed between his brows. “Everything all right?”
“Yeah.” I stepped away and gestured around the cabin so I didn’t have to look right at him. “Just having a lazy day, I guess.”
He stood there for a second, then tucked a hand into his pocket. “You seemed a bit off yesterday. Do you need to talk about anything?”
A lump solidified in my throat. I had just enough composure to smile around it. Concern filled his face, so I must have failed.
“No, thank you. I’m fine.” I motioned to the bed. “Have a seat.”
“Lizbeth?”
He followed me for just a step, then stopped. The cabin wasn’t that big. I stopped with my back to the fire and forced myself to face him. We were only a few feet away, but it had never felt farther.
“You wanted to talk?” I asked as I rubbed one arm.
“I did.” He nodded. “But now I’m not sure. What’s wrong? Please don’t lie to me. Don’t say everything is okay when it clearly isn’t.”
Tears filled my eyes. I nodded and whispered, “That’s fair.”
“Have I done something?” He shuffled as if to move toward me again, but stopped himself. His nostrils flared as he studied me. “Did I say something?”
“No. No, this has nothing to do with you.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“Me.”
“You?”
“Yeah, it’s . . .” I waved a hand, but the emotions built up in my throat anyway. “My obsession with romance.” My voice hiccupped as I tried to hold back a sob. “I don’t think this is going to work, JJ.”
“What do you mean?”
His tone was carefully controlled. He’d canted his head slightly to the side in a way that was more wary than curious. My lips rolled together as I attempted to organize my jumbled thoughts.
“Mama was a hopeless romantic,” I said. “She was also a lovesick mess. She chased an idealistic romance that didn’t exist her whole life. Until recently, I didn’t get that. I didn’t understand. But now I do.”
His shoulders relaxed slightly. “Oh. Well, we can talk about romance. We just need to define what you want and—”
“No, JJ. It’s not that easy. I’m just like my mama, and she destroyed everything she touched. I think that if I let things continue this way with us, I’ll regret it.”
He drew back. “You’ll regret being with me?”
“Not like that. No, not like that. I . . . I mean, what if I do to you what Mama did to me? To my dad?”
“What did she do?”
“What didn’t she do?” I cried as a tear rolled down my cheek. “She broke our hearts. She broke my dad. She chased romance to her dying day and left a world of pain behind her. Mama loved romance more than anything, but the romance in her head wasn’t real. Just like I think the romance in my head isn’t real.”
This time, he did step toward me. It was furious, controlled, anguished. “You felt something for me, Lizbeth. Don’t try to deny it.”
“I would never,” I whispered.
He stood within arm’s reach now. His presence seemed to fill up the room. My arms longed to reach
