I sighed. I knew exactly what she meant by tension. “I know.” I just didn’t know what she meant by normal. How normal could I feel when everything about me was a lie?
My first name was real. My mother had seen it in a book and loved it. But my real surname had been scrubbed six years ago. Lyra Adamson was long dead. And Lyra Wilkinson was just an imaginary woman.
The cognitive dissonance lately had started to mess with my equilibrium.
It was encouraged for us to have lives, partners, etcetera. Obviously, secrecy was of the utmost importance, but nonetheless, we were urged to have relationships outside of work. It just got complicated. I’d seen it. Because love demanded honesty. Love. I wasn’t in danger of that happening to me.
“Honey, when was the last time you had sex?”
I blinked rapidly. “Roz, you are not my mother.”
“But I might as well be. When was the last time?”
A flush crept up my neck. “I don’t remember.”
She sighed. “I wonder if I should have handled the Tyler situation better.”
I shifted uncomfortably on my feet. “We don’t need to talk about that.” Tyler was my ex and a subject better left undiscussed. “I’d rather not talk about my sex life with you.”
She pshawed me. “Think of me like the cool older sister.”
“Fine, Roz, you’re my cool older sister. Now, can we stop talking about this?”
“Okay, fine. Go have fun on your date. And Lyra, I think it’s in your best interest to enjoy yourself with this young man. That dating app matched you, right?”
“Yes, it did.” Lost in Love was the app, and I regretted ever signing up for the stupid thing.
“Then trust the process.”
“Oh my God, you’ve been watching The Bachelor, haven’t you?”
She winked at me. “Even I have a life.”
Roz had been married to her husband, Adam, for fourteen years. He knew nothing about her actual job, and I never understood how they managed it. But she seemed to care about him in some sense. So if she could do it, I could do it. Besides, Marcus was nice. He was great. Just, um…
Boring.
“Okay, thanks for the advice. I love you, and I’ll see you later.”
“Yes, see you later. Have fun. Use a condom.”
I whirled around and threw my hands up. “Roz.”
She laughed at me. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just saying, safety is sexy.”
I put my hands on my ears and hummed out la-la-la-la as I laughed. A quick check of my watch told me if I left now I’d get there right on time. We were meeting at a bistro not too far from our apartment building. Our first date was a shocker when I realized that I’d seen him before and he was actually my neighbor. I grabbed my purse from my desk and sighed at the picture of my mother and father. It was one of the few memories I kept of them. They’d had that kind of sweeping love that every little girl dreams about. And I just wished that one day I could have something like that.
Who knows? Maybe today is your day.
Marcus
“Where are we now, mate?”
My brother and I had been over this dozens of times, but somehow, he always seemed to forget.
“You know I can’t tell you that.”
“Right. Top secret.”
“Yep, mate, top secret.” It didn’t matter how many times we’d been over this. It didn’t matter that Liam was ex-SIS himself. He still asked. All he knew was that I was a government contractor. That was all he was allowed to know.
I changed the subject like I’d grown used to doing. If he pressed, I’d have to put on the façade. And there were some people I just wanted to be real with. “How’s it going with you?”
“Ella is a beauty. When are you coming home to see her?”
I was up for leave in a few weeks, but I wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about going home Watching everyone do the having kids and moving on with their lives thing as their next step wasn’t really something I was looking forward to.
Sooner or later, you must return home.
I knew it was true. I did have to go home at some point, but not today. Too many painful memories. “She looks beautiful in the pictures, mate.”
“Thanks. Thankfully, she looks like her mum.”
I laughed. “Yes, I would agree. Ella is going to be a beautiful princess.”
“She needs her uncle to spoil her rotten and to help me build a tower to keep out suitors.”
“Oh, I fully intend to spoil her rotten. That’s what being an uncle is all about. As soon as I get leave, I’ll come home. I need to cuddle that face.” The lie tasted bitter on my tongue.
His brow furrowed “You all right?” he asked.
That was the problem with talking to Liam. Other than Dad, he was the only one who could see when I was full of shit. And that was why I had to get off the phone. The video chat was good though. It was good to see him with baby Ella strapped to his chest with some kind of contraption.
Slowly, he rolled them both back and forth as I attempted to change the subject again. “How come you only call me when you’ve managed to lull her into sleep?”
“Once she’s asleep, a bomb could go off and she won’t wake… unless of course you stop rocking her. I’m just more efficient at it than Taryn is. The wheelchair makes it easy.”
I rolled my eyes. “Leave it to you to find a way to get extra cuddles in.”
“Hey, Taryn was hogging her with all the breastfeeding. I needed to find a way to get in the extra time. Popping wheelies is something my very capable, gorgeous, and exhausted wife can’t do.”
“Well, good on you. I’ll check in with you later. I need to get ready for my date
