Maggie was lying on her playmat wailing, the stench of her soiled nappy almost unbearable. Lily was sitting on the rug watching EastEnders, wearing only her pants and a pair of wellington boots, eating ice cream which she proudly told him was her dinner. And Kate was sitting on the floor staring into space with a vacant expression that suggested she had checked out some time ago.
‘Kate?’ he asked tentatively. She didn’t respond. He scooped up Maggie, soothing her with kisses and cuddles and headed upstairs to run the bath. He bathed both children, put them to bed and came back downstairs to find that Kate hadn’t moved. She was wearing just a vest and shorts and the chill of the evening had set in, causing her to shiver involuntarily. He reached for the blanket and wrapped it around her. This gentle act of kindness was like a floodgate and suddenly she was crying hysterically, letting out what felt like three years’ worth of tears and anguish.
‘Talk to me, Kate, tell me what’s happened? What can I do?’ he’d asked her.
‘I don’t know,’ she just kept saying over and over again. ‘I just don’t know.’
The next morning, he told her that he thought they should get a nanny. He was expecting her to resist vehemently again, so he was surprised when she agreed without much protest. Within a few weeks they had hired Rachel – one of those capable sorts who you’d never have to worry about fancying, but you instantly have complete faith in – and she restored order and harmony to their home again. This time Kate gave her baby up to the arms of another person almost too gratefully. She started going to the gym, looking for houses to buy – ‘a new start for us,’ she told him – and even began talking about going back to work.
For a while things started looking up again but it didn’t last. Her career ideas never made it off the ground and the short burst of enthusiasm for life that she’d had was soon snuffed out and replaced with a frustrating resignation that this was her lot.
Their marriage continued to deteriorate. It was like they had nothing in common anymore other than their children and they couldn’t think of anything else to talk about. Their previously infrequent lovemaking became non-existent. He felt like he had lost the Kate he had known for all those years and he didn’t know how to get her back. At the same time he didn’t seem to have the energy to do anything about it either. He was constantly exhausted and so was she. Their babies were growing and blossoming into beautiful little girls but their marriage had stagnated. And now, all these years later, not much had changed. They existed together, co-parented together, and actually got on well enough, but the spark had gone.
On the outside they seemed like the perfect family but behind closed doors it was a different story. And Kate didn’t even seem to care. As long as everyone else thought they were doing great, it didn’t matter to her what was really going on. She was obsessed with making everything look perfect, agonising over fixtures and fittings for the house, outfits for the girls, making sure they got good marks at school. But when it came to Pete, it was like she had no more energy left for him. He felt like he’d been stuck in a rut for so long that this half-life had become normal and he barely even questioned it day to day. But recently he had found himself dreaming of something better and feeling that he deserved better than this. If he was being honest, it had started at around the same time he met Claire.
Looking back, he could pinpoint the exact moment when he realised that this ‘thing’ with her was different, that it was more than just a harmless attraction and a chit-chat. His company held Free Drinks Friday once a month, to coincide with payday. It was basically an excuse for the staff to get pissed as farts on free booze and while he’d wholeheartedly embraced it when he was younger, he hadn’t been to it for years. But one day Claire casually mentioned that she would be going and asked if she’d see him there. His initial reaction was to scoff at the idea but then he found himself reconsidering. He hadn’t been out for ages; why not have a few drinks before going home? And if she was going, there was no harm in having a chat with her.
As the day went on, he could feel anticipation building up inside him at the prospect of the evening ahead. But just as he was considering logging off early for once
