‘Lovely,’ Lottie replied. ‘Fridays are good for me, I work Monday to Thursday.’
‘Friday’s great.’
The following week, while Maggie had been overjoyed at the prospect of having Ava over to play, Kate was full of nerves. She’d had playdates before of course, with Nadia and the others in the antenatal gang, but this felt different. This was a new friend and she was as nervous as if it was her first day at school. As she scooped crisps into bowls and made carrot batons, she realised how annoyed she was with herself for being so worried about this. She used to pride herself on being able to negotiate with difficult, high-profile journalists to secure articles in major publications for clients without breaking a sweat. Yet here she was getting clammy about a sodding playdate. Taking a deep breath she slowly put the carrot peeler down, wiped her hands, and got ready to go and meet Lottie and Ava at the school gates.
The girls bundled out of school together, high as kites at the prospect of the afternoon ahead. Lottie smiled at Kate and they made their way back to the house together, Lily, Maggie and Ava skipping ahead while the mums hung back. Once they were home, Kate offered Lottie a drink: ‘Tea, coffee, squash?’
‘I’d love a glass of wine,’ Lottie replied. Kate grinned, her nerves starting to disappear. ‘On it!’ she replied, reaching for the white wine in the fridge.
Over a drink, Lottie told Kate about herself. She was originally from Oxford but had lived in London for years. She worked part-time for a charity. As the wine flowed the conversation became easier and more open.
‘We wanted a second child after Ava,’ Lottie told her. ‘But it just didn’t happen for us. It was hard to come to terms with but in the end we had to move on. It was consuming our lives, ruining our relationship and preventing us from enjoying parenthood with the one beautiful, amazing child we did have.’
Kate nodded sympathetically. ‘It’s amazing that you were able to move past it. I know of other couples who haven’t been able to. It eats them up.’
‘What about you?’ Lottie asked. ‘Do you work?’
It was the first time she’d been asked the question in that way. She normally got: ‘What do you do?’ and had the embarrassment of having to reply, ‘nothing’.
‘Not at the moment,’ she began, before adding, ‘not at all if I’m being honest. I used to work in PR many moons ago but haven’t been back to it since I had kids.’
‘Would you like to? Or are you happy being at home?’ The question came without any judgement, just curiosity. It made Kate feel a bit braver.
‘To be honest, I’m not sure I have a choice anymore. Obviously you know about me and Pete?’
Lottie looked bewildered. ‘Is Pete your husband?’
Christ, she doesn’t know. Kate had assumed the whole school was gossiping about her but it was clear that Lottie had no idea what she was talking about. ‘Yes he, erm, he left me three months ago.’
Lottie put her hand to her mouth. ‘Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, Kate, that’s awful. How are you coping?’
‘Not great at first,’ Kate admitted. ‘Still not brilliant, obviously, but getting better. That’s the one thing about kids isn’t it, you can’t just sit around feeling sorry for yourself – you’ve got to plough on.’
‘Is he still seeing Lily and Maggie regularly?’
‘Well, that’s the thing.’ Kate realised that she was feeling a bit light-headed from the wine and the pleasure of an understanding ear, and in danger of oversharing. ‘I haven’t heard from him since he left.’
Lottie gasped. ‘That’s terrible. Do you know where he is?’
‘Nope.’
‘Did he give you an explanation at all before he left?’
‘Just a note saying he’d met someone else. He left his phone behind, quit his job, deleted his social media accounts and I have no way of contacting him.’
‘What a bastard!’ Lottie was aghast. ‘Kate, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I wish I’d known, I would have been in touch sooner, but I had absolutely no idea.’ She reached for Kate’s hand and squeezed it.
‘I thought the whole school was gossiping about it,’ Kate admitted.
Lottie shrugged. ‘Not that I know of. I mean I only really know the parents in Maggie’s class but none of them have mentioned it. How are you coping?’
‘We’re getting used to life without him, slowly. It’s forcing me to confront some issues that I’ve been burying for a long time. Our marriage clearly wasn’t a happy one but I refused to admit it, and I’ve been feeling pretty low for a few years now and it can’t go on any longer. It’s already cost me my marriage and I can’t let it affect the girls too. I’m seeing a therapist which is helping and I’m hoping to start doing some freelance work too so I can earn my own income. Obviously I let Rachel go.’
‘Rachel?’ Lottie looked at her quizzically.
‘Our nanny?’
‘Oh, yes, I think I’ve seen her.’
Kate couldn’t believe it. All this time she had thought that the other parents judged her, her glaring absence from school, but now she was starting to realise that most of them hadn’t even given it a thought. They were all just busy getting on with their own lives.
‘Anyway, I’m slowly starting to stand on my own two feet. And you know what? It feels good. Scary, but good.’
‘Good for you,’ Lottie said, smiling. ‘Good for you.’
After Lottie and Ava left, Kate felt the familiar fears and doubts surfacing, as they did most days. Did she say too much? Did she sound like an idiot? She should never have had that glass of wine. But then she started doing the breathing exercises that her therapist had recommended and slowly calmed herself back down. She’d had a great time and
