Except nothing had really changed. He and Kate were still being nicer to each other and he didn’t feel like he was constantly treading on eggshells but ultimately his life was still the same. Boring, boring, boring. Work was boring, his marriage was boring. And so, he started having cravings for a release again. And Claire, beautiful, uncomplicated, sexy, clever, uninhibited Claire, was his release. He was getting a sandwich from the Pret near work at lunchtime when the desire to contact her appeared, out of the blue, and hijacked his mind until he simply couldn’t focus on anything else. Finding a bench, he sat down and typed out a quick message before he could overthink it.
Hey you, can we meet? Tonight?
He saw that she’d read the message. Would she torture him by not responding for hours? No, she couldn’t be bothered with game playing, it was one of the things he loved about her. Her reply came seconds later.
This is a surprise. Is it for another fun ‘chat’ or something else?
He grinned.
Definitely something else.
Well then, come on over.
He stood up, feeling giddy. She’d let him off lightly and it was probably more than he deserved but he didn’t care. He was going to see her tonight and he couldn’t be more excited. He quickly typed out a message to Kate.
Hey, got to work late tonight, don’t wait up, kiss the girls from me, see you tomorrow x
Back at the office he tried to concentrate on work but he kept looking at the clock, willing the minutes to tick by as quickly as possible. Every second was agony. Finally, at 5pm, he switched off his computer, grabbed his jacket and practically sprinted out of the office. He arrived at her flat just minutes after her and she opened the door and let him in with an expression that he couldn’t quite read. He didn’t care, he was there and she had let him in. That was what mattered.
‘Glass of wine?’ she offered.
‘Please.’
She walked into the little kitchen and emerged a couple of minutes later with two full glasses. ‘Cheers,’ she said, clinking glasses with him before sitting down and observing him coolly. ‘So, Pete, it was quite a surprise to hear from you.’
He nodded. The last few weeks had been difficult at work. He was used to stopping by her desk for a chat most mornings but instead he’d been giving her a smile, not wanting to seem rude, and heading straight up to his office. If she’d been hurt, she certainly hadn’t shown it, but he knew he had some serious making up to do.
‘I know and I’m sorry, Claire,’ he began. ‘The last thing I want to do is to mess you around, you don’t deserve it. It’s just been hard for me. I’m married, I have children, it’s complicated, you know?’
She nodded at him to continue.
‘I’ve been pushing the feelings of guilt to the back of my mind for so long that I thought I’d nailed it. But when you were in France it all came flooding back – how I was hurting my family, what I could be throwing away.’
She raised an eyebrow at him, but he felt that honesty was the best policy right now.
‘I love my children, Claire, and I love my wife – not in the way I should anymore, probably more out of habit, but I do love her. And what I’m doing to her isn’t right.’
‘So why are you here, Pete?’ Claire was looking a bit pissed off now.
‘Because I love you.’ It was the first time that he’d said those words to her and as they came out, he realised how true they were. Even Claire looked taken aback.
‘Christ, Pete, I thought you were just coming over for a quickie. I didn’t think you were going to drop the L-bomb on me.’
They both laughed. ‘Sorry, Claire, I didn’t mean to go all heavy on you.’
‘No, it’s fine, I appreciate your honesty. I think you know how I feel about you, Pete, but the question is, what happens now?’
‘I don’t know. I need a little bit more time. Not much but maybe a few weeks to sort my head out. I know it’s a lot to ask, too much really, but can you give me that?’
She looked at him for a long time before standing up and going to sit next to him. ‘Yes, Pete, I can give you some time. But not too much time, okay?’
He nodded. ‘I promise.’
After they’d had pretty amazing make-up sex, they lay intertwined in Claire’s bed. How could he feel so wrong and so right at the same time? He watched her, as she lay there, and thought, I have literally never felt this way about anyone before.
‘I’m going back to France in a couple of weeks,’ Claire said. His heart sank.
‘Okay.’
‘Just for a long weekend with some friends. Ever since I went there a few weeks ago I’ve been desperate to go back.’
‘Are you still thinking about moving there?’ He really didn’t want to know the answer but he had to ask.
‘Yes and no,’ she admitted, turning on to her side to look at him. ‘I’d love to but, well, there’s someone here who I’m rather fond of. And I’ve stupidly agreed to give him some time.’
In that moment, he would have done anything to please her. So he found himself saying: ‘I’m open to the France idea. I’m not saying that I’m going to do it, just that I am happy for us to look into it. A little bit. But it has to work with me seeing
