Kate was shocked to see that her sister was crying. ‘Erin, this is not your fault!’
‘This is all of our faults. Everyone who ever loved you. We should have been there for you more and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’
‘Oh, Erin, you daft cow.’ Kate embraced her sister and allowed her own tears to come too, until they were both weeping and laughing at each other. ‘This is no one’s fault but mine, do you understand me? No one’s but mine.’
A thought came to her, something buried in her mind from a few months previously. ‘Erin, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you. When I told you Pete had left, I had a feeling that you weren’t that shocked really. Am I right?’
Erin regarded her sister for a moment. ‘I’d suspected for a long time that things weren’t great between you and Pete. Whenever I saw you together you seemed like polite strangers, like you were co-existing but the love had gone. I don’t think anyone else noticed but I’m your sister and I know when things aren’t right. But whenever I tried to bring it up you always shut me down so I figured you didn’t want to talk about it. I just hoped that you guys would sort it out between you eventually.’
Erin paused, took a deep breath and then continued. ‘But in the months before he left, he seemed different. I don’t know, happier, more perky is the only way I can describe it. Like he had a new zest for life. But you didn’t. If anything you seemed more withdrawn. So I began to suspect he was seeing someone else.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Kate was shocked.
‘Because I had absolutely no proof whatsoever, Kate. It was a hunch, that was all. And I hoped to God that I was wrong. I feel terrible now, believe me.’
Kate’s outrage subsided as quickly as it had arrived. This was hardly her sister’s fault. ‘The stupid thing is that I didn’t suspect it. It’s so obvious now looking back that something was going on. He was staying out later and later on “client dinners”, disappearing off with his phone sometimes, and he could barely touch me. I remember one time we tried to have sex for the first time in ages and he couldn’t even get it up. Yet I just ignored it all. I didn’t want to know, to be honest. It’s only now that I see it.’
‘You look bloody good on it though,’ Erin replied, and Kate snorted in response. ‘I’m serious, Kate, you’ve been through hell and back over the last few months but look at you! You’ve taken control of your life – you’ve finally told Rachel to move on, become a super-mum, you’re seeing a therapist, you’re going back to work. I think you’re amazing. If this is what Pete going AWOL does to you then I’m all for it!’
Only her sister could get away with saying something like that. ‘Like I said, Erin, our marriage was already over and I’m much happier now that I’ve accepted that and started standing on my own two feet again. I can’t believe how insecure I had become. Do you know, I was terrified of spending time alone with my girls? I was terrified because I didn’t know how to be around them. It was so much easier with Rachel, it all just came naturally to her and I envied that so much. I’ve felt like the worst mother in the world for so many years that I had no idea what it was like to not feel that way.’
‘And now?’
‘I understand now that all I need to do is just be with them, that’s all. It doesn’t need to be great adventures or grand plans all the time, just be with them, that’s all they want really. And actually, I’ve loved them since the day they were born and although I’ve not always been the greatest mother, they’ve turned out pretty good.’
‘If you ever need a break, you know I’m here for you, right?’
‘Thanks, Erin, but I’ve had enough breaks. I’ve sat at home on my sorry arse missing too much as it is. I want to spend as much time with them as possible.’
And on Christmas Day, that’s what she’d done. They’d spent the whole day cocooned in their house together, their new little gang, the three amigos, opening and playing with presents, cooking a turkey with all the trimmings and collapsing on the sofa to watch a Disney film. And although the girls still asked if Daddy was coming home, and although Kate felt horrific gently telling them no, Daddy was not coming home but he loved them so very much, they had a good day.
In the New Year, she’d started Operation Back To Work with a vengeance and within a few weeks she’d agreed terms with her old client and had started working on her first campaign in over seven years. The thought of actually asking someone to pay her for her expertise was still daunting but she knew it would get easier. She just had to take it one step at a time and today’s step was sending that press release off to her client. Looking at the clock she realised that she had to pick the girls up from school in fifteen minutes. Grabbing her keys and trainers, she legged it for the door and began power walking up the street. On the way to school, she saw Nadia.
‘Well hello, stranger!’ Nadia said, crossing the road to walk with Kate. ‘We haven’t seen you for ages.’
‘Yes, I’m sorry, I’ve been so busy. I’m working again and it’s taking up a lot of my time.’
‘That’s wonderful, Kate, good for you!’ Nadia smiled warmly. Kate felt bad about the fact that she’d been avoiding her. She wasn’t a bad person really.
‘Listen, we’re having the usual gang over for dinner on Saturday, we’d love
