Had she read his letter already? No, that was impossible, he’d only just left it on the bed and she’d been downstairs the whole time. Had she discovered it over the weekend, read it and put it back? Yes, he thought, maybe that was it. In that case she didn’t know everything. He breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, she only knew what he wanted her to know and although he wished to God she hadn’t seen the letter until after he’d left, it was damage limitation at least.
‘Kate,’ he began, choosing his words carefully. ‘I’m so sorry that you’ve found out like this. The truth is, I just need some time away, to sort my head out. Of course, I wasn’t planning on abandoning you or the girls. I just thought a couple of weeks away from each other might help to clear our heads, you know? Our marriage, well, I don’t need to tell you that it’s not what it should be. I’ve not been happy for a long time and I don’t think you have either. We need to address this and maybe we need a clean break or maybe we’ll come back stronger, but we need time to think.’
She laughed in his face, not with amusement, but with contempt. ‘Stop the bullshit, Pete, you’re going away with HER for goodness’ sake.’
Bloody hell, she knew everything! But how? He was scanning the various options. Had Dan told her? No, he didn’t approve but he’d never do that. Had Claire spoken to her? No, that was ridiculous. He kept coming back to the same thing – she must have read the WhatsApp messages between him and Claire on his phone. But how? He’d changed his password and he was so careful not to leave it lying around. But that was the only possible explanation.
He felt his legs buckle beneath him and he sat down, on the cold hallway floor, leaning up against the front door – which just minutes ago had been so tantalisingly close. It was over now, he realised. There was no point in pretending otherwise. The image of Claire waiting for him at the Eurostar was slowly slipping away, already becoming a distant dream that he couldn’t quite reach.
‘I’ve been miserable, Kate,’ he said, looking down at the red and white tiles, fixating on the mosaic patterns so he didn’t have to look at his wife. ‘I’ve been miserable for a long time. And then I met her and I just felt alive for the first time in so long. And it made me realise just how depressed I’ve been and how I need to do something about it. And the longer it went on, the harder it was for me to tell you. And I feel awful, I really do. I never wanted this to happen and I didn’t go looking for it. But it did happen and I’m sorry.’
She didn’t say anything and slowly he raised his eyes to look at her. She had sat down too, leaning up against the stairs, her head in her hands.
‘Do you remember that night we first met?’ she asked. The question startled him because of all the things he had expected her to say, it wasn’t that.
‘Of course,’ he replied.
‘I saw you, walking back from the bar with a cocky swagger and you told me to sit on your lap and I thought, What an arrogant prick he is. And then I fell in love with you and I thought, No, he’s not an arrogant prick at all, he’s amazing, he’s my Pete. But you should always trust your first instincts, shouldn’t you?’
How petty of her, he thought, but fair enough, she was angry and she had every right to be. He tried another tack. ‘Are you honestly telling me that you think we’re happily married and that everything is okay between us?’
‘Of course I fucking don’t!’ she exploded. ‘We can barely stand to be in the same room as each other and you haven’t so much as touched me in years.’
‘I haven’t touched you? You haven’t wanted to go anywhere near me, Kate. It feels as though you actually hate me sometimes. Even saying good morning to me is an effort to you. I put up with it, for years, because I knew you were going through a hard time and I wanted to be there for you, but it affected me too.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry, Pete, I’m sorry that while I was struggling with motherhood, hating myself and barely being able to make it through the day that it was so hard for you. You who got to swan off to work every day and go to swanky dinners with friends and clients as if your life hadn’t changed at all. It must have been so very hard.’
Despite himself, he was starting to feel frustrated with her. This was just so typical of the new Kate and her ‘oh woe is me’ attitude. Why couldn’t she just buck up like everyone else did? ‘Kate, our children are five and seven years old. Everyone gets the baby blues but I’m not sure that you can still use it as an excuse.’
He knew it was harsh but it felt so good. They’d spent so many years avoiding confrontation and now all the unspoken words were flooding out and he could finally say the things that he’d been thinking for so long. He watched her face as she slowly composed herself and planned her next move.
‘Anyway, Pete, we’ve digressed. What I’d like to know, as I asked you before, is what your intention is?’
‘I just want some space,’ he said. ‘I want to take some time out and work out what it is that I want. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being unhappy and I don’t think you do either.’
‘So, are you telling me that you’re not
