At least I have the distraction of Roxy, who has booked me to do the video content next week. I had quoted her three times what I had charged her for the blog and photos and she happily signed the contract. I haven’t stopped beaming since – it is the best gig I’ve bagged so far. And with that and organising the flowers for the wedding and making sure I am giving enough time and attention to Oscar, I feel done in. I used my common sense and have alternated the day I slip away from my desk at work. It had been foolish to think I could make a habit of something and for Oscar – who is the SAS of lie detection since Kelly’s deception – not to notice a pattern. I feel good that, for once, I have my life under some sort of control and that although I am balancing quite a few plates, I am able to keep everyone happy. For now.
But I sense the change coming; it’s all around me and in everything I do. Once Caitlin is married to Chuck, I know things might never be the same again.
Chuck is an honest man and once he says his vows, he’ll be committed to Caitlin. He has already been such a good friend and confidante to her for so many years. And soon he will be promising to care for her for the rest of his life.
The dynamics will shift and he’ll settle into his role of dutiful husband and all the stuff we have shared together over the years will fade to nothing, and eventually he might forget what he and I had and knew, and carry on his life with Caitlin.
Today as I drive home from my last appointment of the day, I feel good that I will be home before five. Oscar has asked me to be home for dinner as he has planned something special for us. It is rare for us to get time together, as we are both usually working, often late. As two people who run their own businesses, we too often find ourselves overrun with work when we should be making time for one another.
I open the door to the potent smell of garlic. I knew Oscar would make our favourite: garlic prawns for starters, followed by mushroom tagliatelle and then Mississippi mud pie for dessert. It is my absolute dream three-course meal. Even after all the years at Saxby being wined and dined on exquisite food and drink, I still love those three simple dishes because they were what Oscar and I had eaten on our first trip away together to Florida. I feel an overwhelming sense of nostalgia as I come through the hallway and everything that has been occupying my mind over the last few weeks simply disperses as I inhale those familiar flavours.
We do not have Immy this weekend, so it will be a quiet weekend, just for us.
‘What are we celebrating?’ I say once I have removed my coat and poured myself a small glass of white wine. That will be enough for me tonight.
‘Life, love and all the other stuff in between.’ Oscar sits down opposite me at our kitchen table and clinks my wine glass with his beer.
‘Oh, lovely,’ I say and take a long sip.
‘Except, here’s to you, babe. You worked so hard to get the Roxy contract and now look at how well you’re doing. It’s only going to go upwards with Space from now on.’
‘I know, I can’t believe my luck!’ I say.
‘It’s not luck, babe. You’ve worked hard, the way you work hard on everything. You always have. Your whole family are grafters, that’s why we get along so well – we’re not shy about getting our hands dirty. I couldn’t imagine being with a woman who wanted to paint her nails all day and have spas or whatever it is those kinds of women do.’ Oscar pauses and then looks straight into my eyes. Suddenly the atmosphere is charged and the look on his face means I don’t need to wonder what is coming next. I can hear the words before they’ve even reached his lips, and suddenly, I realise what all this is about. Of course, it was leading to this. But why am I feeling as though I want to run?
‘Babe.’ Oscar clears his throat, an action that feels unnecessary. ‘You know I love you and I can’t imagine my life without you in it. And I know you thought that this couldn’t happen, after everything that I’ve been through, that I wouldn’t ever feel like I could trust another woman enough again, but with you, I feel safe.’
Oscar pauses and smiles, his eyes twinkling. I think about what it means to be in an honest relationship and not withhold information from one another. Oscar is about to propose, and I am no better than his ex-wife, Kelly.
‘I know I said all that stuff about you not answering your phone but I was having a bad day. I think I made myself paranoid, that if I did this, that if I committed properly again, I could get hurt. But I know that can’t happen twice, cos surely no man could be that unlucky. At least not me – I pay my taxes, I work hard, I ring my mum once a week, and even your mum sometimes! But more than all that, I love you, Sasha, I love us, and I know you might never want kids – and I can handle that, we have Immy.’ Oscar stands up from the chair and falls to one knee.
‘Blimey, before the starter.’ I stutter out the words, knowing I need to say something but can’t quite believe this is happening. Why now? Oscar is usually so perceptive – he knows I have
