Thanks for being a good friend, Chuck. Keep in touch.
Love from Sasha.
31 London, September 2009
The day of the wedding
Caitlin stares at Gabi. She opens her mouth to speak and then closes it again.
‘Caitlin, I—’ Ava begins, but Caitlin silences her with a raised hand. Ava covers her mouth and sucks in a deep breath.
We all stand quietly, no one wanting to speak, waiting for Caitlin to have the first word.
‘She doesn’t look how I imagined her to,’ she says after a few seconds. We all look at Caitlin.
‘What?’ I say.
‘What?’ Chuck echoes.
Caitlin looks at me. ‘I thought we would have been identical. I don’t know why, I just presumed.’
‘You knew?’ I say, looking at Chuck for some reassurance.
‘Of course, I knew, Sasha. You used to hear me talking to her all the time. You used to ask me what I was saying, eventually you gave up asking and let me carry on muttering away. I thought I had just invented an invisible friend. But I had an inkling that I was more than one – call it a twin thing. I don’t know. Maybe I saw or heard something unconsciously as a child. And the twin gene is strong in our family, anyway. It was only confirmed on Granny’s deathbed, when she said and I quote,’ – Caitlin turns and looks at Ava – ‘“You had a twin sister, but your mama gave her away.”’
Ava lets out a loud noise from between both her hands that were cupped across her mouth.
I thought about how Caitlin had been so distant this last year, and now it makes sense. The change in her behaviour tied in with when Josephine died and confessed the terrible secret. The secret I had been harbouring since I was a child.
‘Granny was the only decent one in this family.’ Caitlin already looks distracted with what was happening on the other side of the room, her focus no longer on Gabi.
‘So, do you want to say hello properly to your sister, Caitlin, maybe take her to the bar for a drink? I’m sure you can catch up later properly, or… or maybe after the party, tomorrow perhaps…’ I knew I was running on empty. Caitlin had already turned back towards into the room again. It was a long shot. I already knew Caitlin wouldn’t care for Gabi.
‘Caitlin!’ I grab her arm.
She stops and looks at me, curiously. Her eyes half closed.
She shakes her head.
She looks at Ava. ‘Mama, I hope you’ll be happy with all that you have. All the paintings, the land, the house. That place never suited me. Granny would be turning in her grave knowing I am handing it to you. But I never want anything to do with the place. I’d rather know you’re rotting there and drowning in the memory of what you did. Enjoy Saxby.’ Caitlin turns and walks away.
I feel a lump form in my throat. I can’t cry. I mustn’t cry. Not in front of Gabi. And certainly not in front of Caitlin. I think back to Ava walking past me at Caitlin’s office. They must have been dealing with the exchange of Saxby. This was the deal that had kept Caitlin so distracted. And now I think I understand why Caitlin wants nothing to do with Saxby and hasn’t since Josephine died. The thought of being somewhere in a house where she should have grown up with a twin. Or maybe she can’t cope with the tragedy that occurred there. I have always wondered what Maxwell’s role was in all of this. He claims he was never there at Caitlin’s birth, but Ava would have been recovering after delivering twins, and it would have taken a quick-thinking businessman like Maxwell to deal with all the admin and make the problem disappear overnight.
I watch Caitlin walk coolly away towards the bar.
Ava stumbles towards Maxwell and falls into his arms before steering him towards the door to the foyer. I hear him ask her what is wrong before he takes a surreptitious look over his shoulder. Maybe he really never knew a thing.
Chuck bends down to Gabi’s level and takes her hands.
‘Hi, Gabi.’
Gabi does a small bounce in her chair and her eyes light up.
‘Sorry about all the fuss – I bet it’s not anything like it is at the day centre, is it?’ he continues.
Jackie appears next to me.
‘I just saw some woman come out crying her eyes out, so I thought I’d better come in and check everything is okay.’ She bends down to Gabi. ‘You all right, love? Shall I get us back to the centre – they’ll be wondering where we are. We might make it back for some afternoon tea.’
Gabi stands up and takes hold of Jackie’s arm.
‘Thanks for bringing her, Jackie. I’m sorry it wasn’t a success – I appreciate you going out of your way.’
‘Oh don’t you worry, love. I had my doubts – these posh types are all the same. I’d cleared it with Gemma and Steve, Gabi’s folks, and they were happy for her to come – they’ve always tried with the family, to keep them involved, but they never got anything back. It was worth one last shot, love – no one can begrudge you that. At least Gabi has you. And you, Chuck. She absolutely loves your visits. She stands by the glass door and she can see you both in the reception and then starts jumping up and down as you come down the corridor.’
‘And we’ve loved the visits too, Jackie. Although, I’m ashamed to say that Gabi will see less of my face these days.’ Chuck looks at me awkwardly. ‘Sasha, you must have known this would happen. I said things would change once I was married to Caitlin. I’ve said my
