Now I had a brow raised at the girl. She was challenging everything I had ever learned about girls. Did I really just say that? Was that true?
"Well, when have I been normal? According to you I've never been normal."
Rachel rolled her eyes.
"So true, but will you let me finish?" I spat out to see if I could get her to melt at least a little. "The fun we had together, how I saw that you were really smiling and laughing like I never heard you do before," I continued, I really liked that memory and she didn't seem to get how that was the moment that brought out the softer side of the both of us.
That I actually was given the chance to see a new side of her, a side that I wanted to get to know more of. I missed that smile. Other girls, friends, and past girlfriends all wanted to see that side of me. A side of me willing to open up to that level. I finally bring it out and I get no reaction. What backward universe was I in?
"Awe, how cute Nick, too bad I don't believe you." Rachel's eyes pouted as she used a patronizing voice on me.
"Why are you trying to start a fight?" I snapped.
"Because Nick, it's fun." She shrugged nonchalantly.
"You're impossible Rachel!" I was exasperated.
"Thank you. If I read a guy from a book saying what you told me I would fall for him right away. Swooning while I read the words. When a guy from the 'real' world says it, they don't mean it, it is just so...fake and forced."
"Yeah and I'm the crazy one," I answered, with an eye roll.
Rachel pushed herself off of the floor to bend back down to bring in the dishes to the kitchen. Her back was to me quickly.
"I'll clean the dishes since you cooked most of the food if you bring in the last of them," Rachel called from the other room. I tried to understand her thought process as her words ran through my head again.
I so wished that I could get in her head to fully understand what was going on with her. There was such chaos in there if I was at least in her head I might be able to get a hold of the wild person who ran that mind. I did not understand her at all at times. I picked up the rest of the dishes to see if I could think of a rebuttal. When Rachel was done she came back into the living room with me and collapsed onto the other side of the couch. We sat in silence for a few moments. Where should I begin to get her to understand what I was talking about or just plain get what she was thinking?
"You don't believe me?" I finally broke the silence.
"Not this again. Just let it die Nick." She let out a big sigh while her head fell back.
"Then just explain this for me so that I can understand this a little more," I poked further, withholding a laugh that was trying to escape while I observed her squirming across from me.
She seemed like she didn't know what she had meant either. Not only did she not know what she was talking about it, she did not want me to win. Oh this was going to be fun! A smirk grew on my face.
"It just seems to me that guys will say anything to get close to you. As if they don't really mean what they tell you, that they're just repeating a script that they were all handed in school that day when we first learned about puberty and the girls were in another room. That instead of learning to understand us as individuals, you all just go through the motions because sometimes it works."
I saw how much this bothered and angered her even though I resented what she said since I meant every word. I really meant all I that had said to her, and I liked the happy little memory. That smile that night was unlike any smile that I had seen from her. I changed the topic just to humor her. We were not going to go anywhere with this anyway. Challenging her was only fun to a point.
"What are your plans for the future?" She raised one of her eyebrows and stared at me. "Don't look at me like that. It was a simple question," I defended myself.
"I want to travel, publish my writing, finish school, and not wander through life thinking that I'm a waste," she said all in one breath, with her head slightly shaking with that look still on her face before gazing at her knees that were bent near to her chest.
"You're not a waste," I whispered.
Rachel just sighed with her eyes towards the window. The happy feeling that I was feeling only moments ago was long gone.
"Trust me on this Nick," her words were quiet, and I was barely able to hear them.
"I thought the word 'trust' wasn't in your vocabulary?" I threw back at her, trying to lighten the mood.
I wanted that grin to come back.
"I don't trust others, but others trust me. There's a difference."
"I noticed that you didn't say marriage or kids."
"That's a gray area for me. Well I guess not as gray area given our current situation, but I've always wanted them. It's just that I don't have control over them so it's hard to plan for them."
It wasn't the time to tell her about how our situation was doing in court. I didn't even know how she didn't really hear anything while she was in school. If she did, she must have discarded it as rumors. Since I didn’t know how to tell her about everything with the courts, it was best to try and ignore it. It seriously wasn't the time if I didn't want another storm from her, again today. Not all
